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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What DH wears at home

182 replies

BabsPym1 · 07/03/2018 06:35

DH is a fab dad and a v good husband. I love him a lot.

But we're also a long time wed and you know, the attraction side of things needs caring for after a long time with someone.

DH and I work at home a lot. He has these comfy home clothes - in particular an old, faded, shabby, pair of grey comfies that he often wears with a matching top/hoody.

I can't bear them.They are so revoltingly shabby. I can't bear looking at them. It's a complete turn-off. I realise it sounds shallow, and I'm sure I'll get completely slagged off for all this, but is it unreasonable to expect him to make just a bit of an effort around me? To make me find him desirable? He has a very limited wardrobe, has little interest in cloithes - which i knew and I'm fine with - but honestly, the home stuff is awful. I was away for a few days and got home and he greeted me with flowers in a vase (lovely, I know) but wearing this ...

I have said to him that they are ready for the bin. He laughs it off.

AIBU?

OP posts:

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 07/03/2018 09:29

sniffs his fingers before sparking up an oily.
What does this mean? Do I want to know? I think I can guess...

Blaablaablaa · 07/03/2018 09:32

As long as he is clean and the clothes are clean does it matter? And as long as he doesn't wear them out of the house , again does it matter?

My ex was very particular avd controlling about what I wore including slobbing around the house and in bed. It drove me mad and contributed to my leaving.

My DH and I wear the most horrendous stuff around the house but who cares? It's comfy and you're supposed to be able to relax at home and in bed. I still fancy him like mad and vice versa.

hotcrossbunsandtea · 07/03/2018 09:33

Take the most unflattering photo of him in this outfit and put it on his laptop, phone, iPad, etc as wallpaper, screensaver, everything.

I take it you'd be happy for your husband to behave in the same way if he disliked your choice of outfit?

PsychoPumpkin · 07/03/2018 09:34

My husband and I are both more ‘comfort over style’ at home.

His comfiest are baggy and not exactly attractive but HE is so it doesn’t matter a jot to me what he’s wearing.

I hope he feels the same about my fleecy leggings and man size tshirts!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 07/03/2018 09:34

I can't get past the nipple pasties ..... are these a thing now? Sounds right up my street 😂

PhelanThePain · 07/03/2018 09:35

but is it unreasonable to expect him to make just a bit of an effort around me?

So you’re putting on an effort to look attractive 24/7 are you? If a person can’t be comfortable in their own home with a partner theyve been with a long time then where on earth can they be comfortable? That’s what Home is, it’s your sanctuary where you get to be at ease and shed off the restrictions and expectations of society. You’re supposed to Be able to be yourself with those that love you.

I have a pair of really old holey jogging bottoms that I love. I’d be so angry if someone decided I wasn’t allowed to wear them in my own home. I’d be livid if they were thrown out!

Fightthebear · 07/03/2018 09:43

I think you should just tell him how strongly you feel about it.

No one wants a controlling partner of course and ultimately it is his choice what he wears. But it’s ok to express a preference if it bothers you, you’re in relationship.

DenPerry · 07/03/2018 09:46

Me and DP are at home all day so in our comfy clothes most of the time, maybe a rotation of 7 different outfits? but they're clean and not falling apart. We love it! However if one of us was wearing exactly the same outfit every day that was ratty and holey (and probably smelly!) it would be a bit different.. I would just chat with him honestly.

RandomDreams · 07/03/2018 09:48

Take the most unflattering photo of him in this outfit and put it on his laptop, phone, iPad, etc as wallpaper, screensaver, everything.

What the actualf uck?

This site amazes me sometimes,and not in a good way.

weekfour · 07/03/2018 09:49

My dad used to wallow around the house in a nightshirt that came to his knees. My mum hated it! She tried suggesting he wore something else and it just fell on deaf ears. He would have been (rightly) angry if she cobbed it.

So, next time it went through the wash, she just put it in a different drawer. It’s got to be about five years now and he’s still not considered the fact that he could look for it elsewhere.

Kikashi · 07/03/2018 09:50

I agree random. It's your DH's life, his body - let him wear what he likes. How would you feel it he threw out some of your clothes or said he didn't fancy you because of how you dress at home??

Be kind

maddiemookins16mum · 07/03/2018 09:51

Mine wears tatty t shirts (usually with Superheroes on).
I don't give a shiny shite.
I'd be well pissed off if he decided my comfy old granny cardigan (which was my mums) was ready for the bin.

Seafoodeatit · 07/03/2018 09:52

Your husband doesn't exist surely for the sole purpose of being your eye candy? sounds exhausting to always have to look a certain way to please your partner!

Idontdowindows · 07/03/2018 09:54

But we're also a long time wed and you know, the attraction side of things needs caring for after a long time with someone.

Not necessarily, really. I fancy mine as much as when we got together. The only thing that changes is that the aul' bods aren't up to gymnastics as much as they used to

Yes, appearances are a factor in attraction, and for some people clothes don't matter, for some people they do. You don't choose what and how you're attracted.

My OH had previous wives who bought his clothing for him, so he was always dressed how they liked. I don't do that (adults can buy their own clothes, thank you very much) and it's quite amazing to see the change in his wardrobe now that he's buying stuff he likes.

There are some really comfy lounge and pyjama suits out there, maybe get him one you like as a pressie and see how he likes it? If he doesn't, unlucky, but maybe he just doesn't see the choices out there, or doesn't believe he can be comfortable in other stuff.

Oblomov18 · 07/03/2018 09:56

Dh puts on his tracksuit bottoms and a t-shirt when he gets home from work, after wearing a shirt and tie all day.
I live in my dressing gown, given half a chance. Hence my username.
If someone told me I couldn't, I would be most upset.
We are comfortable with eachother. Maybe your issues are bigger, and not related to the clothes?

But our 'slobbing' clothes are still quite smart. Would it help if your Dh bought new tracksuit bottoms?

LeighaJ · 07/03/2018 09:56

Don't throw the old ones out because that's a very controlling and rude thing to do.

Go shopping and find some new comfy clothes for him in a more flattering design and colour. GAP has some really nice looking loungewear and not badly priced if you get it on deal or from one of their outlets.

dadshere · 07/03/2018 09:57

Wash them- until they are destroyed :) My dh is the same, sometimes you just have to take action :)

QuimReaper · 07/03/2018 09:58

When a person doesn't really care about clothes, I find they're often just a bit nonplussed by the idea of replacing them when they still "work", and are almost never offended by the suggestion that these ones have had it, and they need new ones. Tease him about the tracksuit; get him some comfy new lounge pants and a couple of soft jumpers, or whatever you think he'd like; present them to him, and say "these are to replace that Godawful grey tracksuit!" I'm sure he'll cycle the new stuff in and eventually retire the ancient stuff. My Dad was a "wear stuff until it literally falls apart" guy due to thriftiness and not giving a damn, but was pretty content to "do as he was told" by the rest of us when we told him that jumper which is more hole than jumper is no longer acceptable

QuimReaper · 07/03/2018 10:01

If it's helpful OP, my DH lives in lounge pants, and we've found the all-time best ones are from Next. They're mega soft tartan type things.

Personally I live in leggings, T-shirts and slippers in the house. I tend to collect multiples of my favourite things so have about four pairs of my favourite soft comfy Topshop leggings acquired from eBay, and at least one pair has a couple of holes in the bum Thankfully DH only objects when we have company...

monkeymamma · 07/03/2018 10:05

I think there's a consensus here that comfort beats style when you're at home, relaxing, doing your own thing, and that it's key to a healthy relationship to be able to slob out around each other like this.

HOWEVER - OP's DH works from home, so he's in this stuff most of the working day (I assume). This gives things a very different slant. The PP upthread are talking about coming home after a long day in a work suit and then slipping into comfies. OP's fella is wearing them all/most of the time.

I work from home and occasionally so does DH. We're both fans of the slob out comfies btw. But the work from home thing presents an issue exactly as OP has described. And actually it's not just how you make your partner feel/whether they fancy you, it's whether YOU respect YOU enough to make an effort/how you see yourself and your role.

DH's solution is to put on work clothes while he's actually working and at his desk/laptop (he works in the office most days though so he has these kinds of outfits to hand - if you work from home always, like me, then it sometimes doesn't feel worth investing in these types of clothes.) For DH it's nice because once he's done all his work tasks for the day he can get back into joggers and feel like he's properly clocked off.

My solution is to buy 'smarter' comfy type things - not just wear the old ones but get nice new ones. Eg posh joggers with a nice print, nice knitwear, shirts, jeans etc. Also super posh slippers (mahabi type things) so I feel 'nice' and not slobby all day every day.

I would buy him some super soft posh joggers and hoodies and put them to the front of his drawer, eventually pushing the older ones to the back as time goes on. Which is probably controlling but only a teeny tiny bit! And anyone about to say "how would you react if your DH did this?" well, I'd be frigging delighted he was putting clothes away tbh :-D

ravenmum · 07/03/2018 10:06

I'm sure I'll get completely slagged off for all this
Well, your prediction came true :)

I know you can't tell your partner what to wear, and I wouldn't do that, but I would actually make some effort myself, and I'm surprised that people are readily admitting that they don't give a shit about their appearance, their comfort is the only thing they consider. I mean, you presumably don't also just fart copiously when sitting next to your partner; you wash, brush your teeth, you blow your nose discretely, you don't pick it. We all make some effort to make our presence a tiny bit easy on the nose, ears, tongue and eyes. The question is just how much effort you might hope for from your partner.

MovingAgainOhWhy · 07/03/2018 10:09

I'm not really sure it's about clothes? I fancy my DP no matter what he wears

Trinity66 · 07/03/2018 10:16

Don't throw his stuff out, I'd be livid if my DH threw any of my belongings out. I don't know, home is for comfort, me and my DH both have our comfy clothes for relaxing at home, doesn't mean he doesn't make an effort when we go out or whatever

UpSideDownBrain · 07/03/2018 10:18

I wear comfy and slobby clothes at home. It's part of my routine for winding down and makes me feel snuggly, relaxed and like I am shutting the world out.

UpSideDownBrain · 07/03/2018 10:21

When my DH has something I really hate - which is pretty rare - it just takes longer and longer to go through the wash so he has to find something else to wear. Eventually I might lose it - i.e put it in a cupboard and see if he mentions it. If he hasn't after a year, I might be brave enough to throw it out. Or I might not.

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