What DH wears at home

[BabsPym1]

DH is a fab dad and a v good husband. I love him a lot.

But we're also a long time wed and you know, the attraction side of things needs caring for after a long time with someone.

DH and I work at home a lot. He has these comfy home clothes - in particular an old, faded, shabby, pair of grey comfies that he often wears with a matching top/hoody.

I can't bear them.They are so revoltingly shabby. I can't bear looking at them. It's a complete turn-off. I realise it sounds shallow, and I'm sure I'll get completely slagged off for all this, but is it unreasonable to expect him to make just a bit of an effort around me? To make me find him desirable? He has a very limited wardrobe, has little interest in cloithes - which i knew and I'm fine with - but honestly, the home stuff is awful. I was away for a few days and got home and he greeted me with flowers in a vase (lovely, I know) but wearing this ...

I have said to him that they are ready for the bin. He laughs it off.

AIBU?

I think the question on how you dress at home is important. Most couples aren't mismatched. Could he be looking at you and thinking the same thing? No make up, hair not done, leggings and a jumper kind of thing?

Why not just buy him new ones, without throwing away the old ones? He might naturally gravitate to the new ones

This makes me feel a bit sad for your DH to be honest. Surely everyone has the right to feel comfortable in their own home without being judged? I think this is an issue you need to deal with rather than your husband. If the shoe was on the other foot we’d all be sticking up for your right to wear your slobbiest pjs/leggings/joggers round the house.

Each to his own but I couldn't give a flying monkey what my partner is wearing. I'm attracted to him, not the clothes he wears.

My other half lives in onesies at home. The worst is a bloody monkey one. But I'd never tell him I didn't want him to wear them. And definitely never throw them out! How disrespectful. It's his home, he can wear what he bloody likes in it.

At home I wear not only tracksuit bottoms at home but my DAD'S old tracksuit bottoms that are far too big. DP hates it. But fuck it, they're comfy.

Does he know you want him to make an effort around you? Have you outright told him that?

Op I'd say you should buy him some new 'Conroe's' as a present! I've done this for my DP, I actually buy lots of his clothes because he had no interest. I put them in a basket online and he agrees or disagrees. He's actually got a lot more interested in his clothes and appearance, he likes to wear branded clothes now 😂

Buy him a few new pairs and edge the old ones out. One day just ask 'do you need these ones anymore'

Op perhaps you'd like it he threw your clothes away ad bought you a thong and some nipple pasties to prance around in after tea?

Sorry but I think YABU. He just wants to be comfy at home, it's not his job to constantly look hot for you. Just IMAGINE if a man had written this about his wife.

You can't throw his clothes away because you find them a turn off. If a man suggested woman should be 'hot' whilst relaxing at home people would be outraged by it.
Leave the poor guy alone

My ex lived in in trackies at home that, while regularly washed, were just ancient and stained. My bug bear was he used to wear flips flops over really thick woolly socks - so the toe bit of the flip flop couldn't go in between his toes - it meant he'd just shuffle from room to room. The noise of it was really irritating but I bit my tongue as I didn't want him to feel criticised. Nothing to do with why we broke up but I know the shuffling definitely impacted my attraction while he was doing it!

I'd be very sad if my DH thought like this. I love being comfortable at home and if I felt judged or not fancied I'd consider asking him to leave to try his luck with someone he does fancy.

Seriously, throw his clothes away?!

That's utterly ridiculous. Raise it with him by all means, even go and buy some new ones together if they are really shabby, but you can't just decide to chuck his things away because you don't like them. I'm glad you realise that isn't the best course of action OP!

I live in my pjs/comfies at home. Dp is generally always fully dressed and prefers it when I'm in jeans etc. He was told in no uncertain terms that when I am in my own home I do not expect to have to dress to impress anyone. I wear what makes me feel comfortable and my jeans wear out fast enough without adding extra wear time whether that is pjs, my massive jack wills tracksuit bottoms, or leggings. I'll occasionally put a bit of make up on. It took him a little time to adjust to the idea but thanks to a lot of decorating recently, slowly he has discovered the joy of wearing soft, comfortable clothing around the house and has started asking for his own. If we're going out we'll both throw 'proper clothes' on before we leave.

For the record I have a professional job and am well turned out for work and if we go out anywhere. I just fail to see why I should wear restricting clothing pay more for clothes, or give myself more washing to do just so I can look neater in the house

Can’t you just buy him similar ones but new, and ask him if he would mind “retiring “ the old pair.?
It’s normal to want to wear comfy clothes at home.
As soon as I’m through the door it’s bra off, contact lenses out, glasses on, comfy elasticated waist bottoms on. I think that’s normal

I just don't understand.

They're not stinking.

What does it MATTER if they're old? You sound very shallow. So do a lot of other posters here. As for the "throw them away" brigade....wtf???

My ex would come home, take off his clothes and just leave on the vest he had underneath, which was extremely baggy, once white, now greyish, and came down to his mid thighs. He would sit on the settee eating the food I'd made for him with his legs apart, elbows on knees, holding the bowl up to his mouth so that he could ladle the food in faster.

I really doubt that he ever did or has done this with his mistress, now his girlfriend. He lost weight for her, became suddenly sporty again, even started using moisturiser, grew a carefully trimmed beard, bought a load of new clothes.

I don't think it's about wanting your man to look hot. It's about your partner valuing your opinion of him, and not wanting you to be actively turned off.

Just rtft
If you don’t go out much, perhaps you can go out for lunch on the working from home days.
I presume you sower in the mornings so it only takes 5 minutes to change your clothes.
It would probably be a good break for you both work wise & couple wise.

DH works from home a lot. When he’s at work he’s very smartly dressed and he hates it, it’s not ‘him’ at all (although I think he looks very handsome!). When he’s at home he wears scruffy old joggers and hoodies. I couldn’t care less, it’s him I fancy, not his clothes. As long as he’s clean, and he doesn’t dress like that when he leaves the house, I can’t see why it’s an issue.

I am not into appearance at all, but the clothes you describe, make me feel sick when I see men in them.

They look like adult romper suits and you can always see the outline of steven and the twins 😷

My ex would come home, take off his clothes and just leave on the vest he had underneath, which was extremely baggy, once white, now greyish, and came down to his mid thighs. He would sit on the settee eating the food I'd made for him with his legs apart, elbows on knees, holding the bowl up to his mouth so that he could ladle the food in faster

I couldn’t cope with this though, it’s just slobbish-ness and poor manners. It’s a different league to just wearing scruffy clothes though, surely? DH is still kind, polite and well mannered even when wearing his scruffy joggers and hoody.

As soon as I’m through the door it’s bra off, contact lenses out, glasses on, comfy elasticated waist bottoms on. I think that’s normal

That's your normal rumbly it's not mine. I don't wear uncomfortable clothing outside the house (just normal clothes that fit and are comfortable) so don't feel the need to change when I get home. I don't get why people would wear uncomfortable clothes all day - that's my normal.

OP are you sure that better clothes would improve things? Is there more to it than that? My first post on here was about how to find my husband attractive after he'd put in a lot of weight. Turns out the real issues were much deeper and he's now my XH.

I would have been delighted if he'd worn scruffy joggers and a hoody :)