Mumsnet Vs Real life.

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

Inspired by a comment on an active thread at the moment. The comment was along the lines of
"Only on mumsnet would you be advised this"

I've also seen it on a few threads where posters point out that only mumsnet would you be given this advice and never in real life.

So what advice/tips do you see mentioned on Mumsnet that you just don't think would be said in real life.

I'll start!
You can guarantee a poster will give the advice that OP needs to pack his bags and kick him out, on something really minor. They don't suggest being an adult and have a conversation first, it's straight away pack his bags and show him the door.

What other Mumsnet pearls of wisdom do we have?

*OP: 'Is this packed lunch OK?' Ham and lettuce sandwich, blueberries, apple, yogurt, cereal bar, say.

MN: 'Well, it's not great, tbh. Too much fruit in the sugar, cereal bar is empty calories, ham's too processed and too much saturated fat. How about carrot batons (not sticvks, it's always batons) with homemade, salt-free houmus, a spelt wheat wrap with 'lean protein' and some toasted sunflower seeds as a treat?'*

Love that Meanwhile, hundreds of thousands of children up and down the country are enjoying a cheese butty and a penguin

Don't get on with your parents? You should never speak to them or see them again in your life. And if they try to get in touch with you that proves that they are narcissists.

I can see where it's coming from - just never heard this advice in real life, and have never met anyone who's done it, even with awful parents, but it's suggested so often here.

Know the calories of everything and the value of nothing.

Actually you get that in real life as well!

That if your partner watches porn it's unforgivable & you should LTB immediately.
That if your child is unwell and you're seeking advice you are ridiculous for being on MN and should go straight to A&E as obviously you are a terrible parent for seeking some reassurance first.
That you would let your child wear anything they want & little boys in skirts & dresses are an everyday occurrence where you live.

All of these things I have never come across in real life. Not saying it's right or wrong but I've never heard such advice outside MN. Ever.

Christmas - I have bought my child three things. Is it too much?

This thread is hilarious and has really made me laugh!

I agree with every single reply!!

Incidentally, I was at soft play this morning (another thing unapproved of by MN) and my 4 year old was playing up by being silly on the bouncy castle and then running away from me when I went to tell him off and another mother at the group asked me if I’d ever considered that my son might have ADHD

I did wonder if she was a MN Member

Inviting someone to your wedding is seen as an entitled thing to do.

Spending more than £1000 on your wedding means you're a showy, materialistic, vulgar couple who won't last and don't really love each other.

Women are by their nature fragile and too delicate to deal with those super scary mundane matters; if someone at work seems distant/a man looks at you suggestively/your child is touched too hard when playing tag/someone puts a flyer through your letter box after 21:00, talk to HR/his boss/the headmaster/the police ASAP. Better to be fetchingly childlike than a reasonable adult.

What's wrong with vagina? I don't know anyone who says vulva.

The posts asking for immediate medical advice for children really baffle me.
Mumsnet: Ask a bunch of total strangers over the internet when your DC has fallen from a treehouse, has a sky high temperature or broken a limb.... Always receives a response of don't waste valuable A&E resources, give them calpol and possibly call 111 if you are really worried.
Real life; Use common sense and appropriate services local to you instead of seeking advice from a bunch of utterly unqualified strangers.

Mumsnet: I can feed a family of ten from a single roast chicken for a week!
Real life: Buy extra chicken pieces to do alongside a roast "just in case"

Mumsnet: Toilet brushes are so unhygienic-far better to place your hand inside a toilet bowl to chase after the fecal matter left by a large family.
Real life: HELL NO

Mumsnet: "There's been a minor tiff with DH who stayed out too late / no phone call / said something mildly offensive though perhaps valid / does not want to do same activities as me / shouted at the kids. Always receives some form of repeated LTB responses.

Real life: DH takes the rubbish out two days in a row and everything goes back to normal.

Or the very best one.....

Mumsnet "AIBU???? Insert any subject"
Every last response "yes YABVU"
OP: I don't agree, ANBU and wanted different responses- now I am feeling bullied and flounces only to check in after half an hour with further justifications for their statements.

Real life: YABU- Have a glass of wine / cup of tea / biscuit and all will become clear.

People cut grapes up for their children. They are terrified that their children (sorry, DC) will forget how to chew them and DIE!

The pregnancy boards are currently full of 'three medical professionals have advised me to do x/y/z for the health of my baby but I have anxiety and need the advice of total strangers with no medical training to reassure me.'

Everyone lives in a town or city with excellent public transport and nearby shops/libraries/schools/medical facilities.

@myimaginarycathasfleas cutting up grapes is essential to prevent choking children do die far more than people realise from choking. That's not silly advice & had you seen a family devastated after losing a child from choking you would do the same yourself.

Everyone has anxiety

The cutting up grapes thing is sensible. They can be very, very difficult to shift if they slip down whole - it's a combination of the shape and the skin, AIUI. I still prefer my preteens to eat them cut up. And I'm no mollycoddler.

Yeah the Xmas competitive stinginess pissess me off posters claiming that really £50 is far too excessive and little Esmeralda and tarquin might possibly get some hand me downs and a satsuma whilst forgetting to mention that Esmeralda and tarquin have a msssive bedroom full of stuff and get things whenever they want , and have also just come back from their third carribean holiday this year and will be going ski ing in the alps in between Xmas and new year .

Tbf grapes are a bugger of a choking hazard and really should be cut up for toddlers .

@MrsJayy the vast majority of people know that though.

No baby girl must ever wear pink or a dress when in fact EVERY baby girl (including one I know to a trans/lesbian couple) wear bloody pink and dresses.

That a significant amount of time when you’re a SAHM includes paying bills when in actual fact, they all go out direct debit

QueenofmyPrinces

What?! Some random person said it or did you know her?

Everyone seems ridiculously rich in 'what you wearing today' and 'what are eating for dinner'
"Oh just a casual £500 cashmere Ralph Lauren Jumper with £120 cigarette Jigsaw trousers and my bargain £300 leather boots. Tonight we are cooking a simple roast quail with cranberry stuffing and polenta chips whilst the au par puts the children to bed."
I bet it's all bullshit!

Mothers in law are the devil incarnate.
No newborn should be seen by anyone except its parents for at least two weeks.

Shit Myimaginarycathasfleas if you have young children start cutting up grapes for them. That isn’t a mumsnet thing.