Mumsnet Vs Real life.

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

Inspired by a comment on an active thread at the moment. The comment was along the lines of
"Only on mumsnet would you be advised this"

I've also seen it on a few threads where posters point out that only mumsnet would you be given this advice and never in real life.

So what advice/tips do you see mentioned on Mumsnet that you just don't think would be said in real life.

I'll start!
You can guarantee a poster will give the advice that OP needs to pack his bags and kick him out, on something really minor. They don't suggest being an adult and have a conversation first, it's straight away pack his bags and show him the door.

What other Mumsnet pearls of wisdom do we have?

'You can't leave your 10yo home alone for 20 minutes, he's far too young, what if you spontaneously combust when you're out?'

'Of course you can pick that school an hour away on 3 buses on the other side of town for your 11yo although he's never so much as been to the shop on his own, he'll be at secondary, he needs to get on with it'

That it's absolutely absurd for a woman to take her husband's name on marriage. I don't know anyone in real life who hasn't changed her name.

Also teaching children to use the word "vulva" makes me cringe.

Birthday Parties: You MUST invite the school bully who has been terrorising your child every day for the last 2 terms...

That casually using the word "vagina" is the mark of a complete and utter imbecile and will cause complete chaos and confusion everywhere, because you really specifically meant "vulva".

Just makes me want to say vagina more often tbh.

iklboo

"Husband being a dick? Spa day
Kids playing up? Spa day
Waitrose out of artichoke hearts? Spa day
Leg fallen off? Spa day
Meteorite crushed your house? Spa day"

🤣

What if all the spas get crushed by meteorites? 🤔

“You’re short of money? Oh just get a second job in a supermarket/take in ironing” like it’s that easy.

“How can you have no one to take care of your children at short notice? There must be someone!”

I do agree with “getting your ducks in a row if you can”. Not in terms of proof of cheating (when that happened to me I was so heartbroken and raging I couldn’t have done that) but if you’re preparing to leave an abusive relationship definitely. And yes it’s good to take your passport if you have one! Very handy to have as a form of I.D for opening bank accounts and tenancy agreements and I think I needed it to claim housing benefit but I can’t remember it’s a blur tbh.

You'll have to pee yourself rather than use the disabled loo even though all the other toilets are out of order with a sign on them saying 'use the disabled look.

WRT Bully’s and Birthdays:

On the latest should I have excluded the ‘bully’? thread, it transpired the op child was in the wrong (stretching the truth if you will) and the ‘bully’ was vindicated and invited.

Unless it's been as a joke, I've never seen LTB unless it's because the husband/partner is really abusive.

'Use the disabled loo' ffs

Oh my god yes

‘I am really worried because I have a lump on my vagina’
‘I think you mean vulva’

Every fucking time.

OP: 'Is this packed lunch OK?' Ham and lettuce sandwich, blueberries, apple, yogurt, cereal bar, say.

MN: 'Well, it's not great, tbh. Too much fruit in the sugar, cereal bar is empty calories, ham's too processed and too much saturated fat. How about carrot batons (not sticvks, it's always batons) with homemade, salt-free houmus, a spelt wheat wrap with 'lean protein' and some toasted sunflower seeds as a treat?'

No one ever seems to discuss anything with their other half and just expects them to telepathically know why they're upset or what they should be doing.

I’m always astounded that people are advised to abandon longstanding friendships rather that have a conversation which might be a tiny bit awkward.

Well, it's not great, tbh.

^^ Bluelady: this.

And all toddlers need to be educated about periods.

Don't go to A&E unless you are already dead.

Don’t go to A&E if you are dead you are taking up much needed bed and resources.

Oh god, yes yes yes to the packed lunch thing! Mung beans, cherry tomatoes and some lean chicken, washed down by water is the ONLY option if you care about your child's health!!
Reality: 99% of kids get some variation on - cheese/ham sandwich, bag of crisps, apple/yoghurt, mini twix, juice box. Nobody turns a hair.

Use a mooncup

If someone is so skint they can't pay their rent they should move somewhere cheaper. Well yes that would be good but it does actually cost quite a lot of money to move, you don't usually get your deposit back before you need to pay the deposit on the new one.

All couples that are unmarried and have children are stupid and will never last.

Someone has done something mildly rude like bump into someone or not said “thank you” and asked if this is bad manners and “omg OP I would have punched the rude bitch in the face and called her a nasty cunt” is a perfectly fine and measured response

If your neighbour has moved in a multi millionaire to her council flat and is still claiming loads of benefits including HB you should mind your own business and it's nothing but council house envy and Daily Mail trolling.

Trans people are taking over the world and no woman will have any right to anything ever because of the menz.

Sigh.

People have time to type "I didn't just want to read and run" (to the spa!) before typing a long response anyway.