Mumsnet Vs Real life.

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

Inspired by a comment on an active thread at the moment. The comment was along the lines of
"Only on mumsnet would you be advised this"

I've also seen it on a few threads where posters point out that only mumsnet would you be given this advice and never in real life.

So what advice/tips do you see mentioned on Mumsnet that you just don't think would be said in real life.

I'll start!
You can guarantee a poster will give the advice that OP needs to pack his bags and kick him out, on something really minor. They don't suggest being an adult and have a conversation first, it's straight away pack his bags and show him the door.

What other Mumsnet pearls of wisdom do we have?

There is a very strange double standard on MN whereby people who really love each other would never spend more than £2.50 on their wedding and everyone should be happy with one holiday every ten years in a mud pit. Yet every other husband is a very high earner and there is an absolute obsession with class and not being 'common'. Yes

derxa

Yes, to the holiday in mud pit. Especially if they are on benefits.

wheek
Because posters have come back and said that there's no diagnosis.
The last one was something like, poster A was talking about x y z issue their child has. Other posters replied with lots of helpful advice and guidance. Poster A returned to say none of the advice was useful because it's not an official diagnosis.

Don't get me wrong, it can be really hard to access services but there are people who have limited understanding of things abd thrn apply their own diagnosis to things.

I could probably 'unofficially' diagnose some of my y11 with anxiety if I felt inclined. Or i can just say it's coming up to exam time, they're feeling the pressure, help them to cope with it and flag any concerns up to the appropriate people.

MaisyPops

Because posters have come back and said there is no diagnosis

Aah- I see. OK, then I see what you are saying. It isn't faking things for affect though- more like hypochondria. Faking things for effect is a mental health issue known as munchausens or Fabricated Induced Illness, as I believe it is now known. but I believe it is very rare and usually found alongside other mental or behaviourial issues. I do not think many neurotypical suffer from it.

I posted in an AIBU last year about a situation where I had been, in hindsight a bit dickish about not giving up a bus seat to a disabled person who I did not know could not stand. I mentioned I was diagnosed with anxiety, BPD and PTSD because those things affected my ability to talk to people I do not know IRL and I did not feel able to able to ask the person if they wanted to sit down. I know now I was being a dick but I did mention I was recovering from a breakdown at the time and receiving hospital treatment still as an outpatient. And my OP was followed by myriad accusations that my anxiety issues were fake in spite of me saying I had diagnosis. So I am always a bit wary of when people disbelieve people like us with MH issues MaisyPops. Sorry if I came across as a bit abrupt. I should not let these things get me down but I struggle not to worry about what others think at times.

@wheekwheekpiggiefeet I loved that thread it was hilarious. I still can't work out if the op was being serious or not as I can't imagine ever having a stronger reaction than a muted "wow" to anything.

There is a difference between feeling down and being depressed, feeling nervous or wound up about a sitiation and having anxiety, not liking something and having a phobia etc
Does a phobia really need to be officially diagnosed though.....my dd is shit scared of needles - the diagnosis of needle phobia is irrelevant - her fear still has to be managed properly, official diagnosis or not otherwise she will refuse vaccinations.

OP: Question about Trans people.

MN: Opinionated rant about Trans people.

RL: I've never actually met a Trans person what are they?

On mumsnet, having an au pair is fairly normal.

In real life, I've never met anyone who has had or has an au pair
(Though that's probably down to the circles I run in not posh)

I am on some London based mums groups, and the requests for au-pair are non-stop. It is fairly normal, not just in London, but when people don't have family to babysit and it works out as the cheapest childcare.

It's getting quite hard to find au-pair, foreigners no longer seem that interested, maybe it's Brexit, maybe it's terrorism, but it's getting very difficult.

Au pairs are not posh - the person I know uses their Au Pair as a very cheap nanny.

Au pairs are not posh I've had one and been one. I'm not posh. It was a practical solution to allow me to go back to university for a year.

Au pairs may not be posh but in practical terms they do require the family to have a spare room, which is beyond many people's means.

"Today 10:06 orangesticker

Au pairs are not posh - the person I know uses their Au Pair as a very cheap nanny."

I think you're missing the point a bit that a nanny is also a very posh thing to have.

For an au pair or nanny you need a fair amount of disposable income for one (an entire salary for a nanny), a spare room, and enough space for the home not to be overcrowded.

I'm working class and have never met anybody who's had a nanny or au pair.

@ilovemaryberry

Poster comes on to say how much they hate working and the drudgery of it all and you get 100 posters saying oh I love my job, I couldn't imagine not working and I never want to retire.

Followed by oh you need a new job. Why don't you just retrain. Go to uni and then apply for that dream job at 40.

Some folk make it sound so easy.

Exactly! This is so dumb. Like yeah right, employers are going to be banging down the doors of middle aged women who have just completed a degree in psychology at Wolverhampton University at 47, to offer them a £50K a year job. They aren't even remotely interested in young 20-somethings who just left uni, and who are smarter, sharper, faster, and more tech-savvy.

@wheekwheekpiggiefeet

I have noticed a lot of vitriol against SAHPs on MN and it puzzles me. Why is it anyone else's business if they choose not to work? I think maybe it is jealousy because they themselves cannot afford to not work?

Yeah this ^ Some people can't bear it that women can afford to stay at home, and say things like 'I wouldn't wanna be kept by any MAN.' and similar snide remarks.

I agree about the other posters armchair diagnosing but if people declare themselves to have anxiety then why would we not give them the benefit of the doubt? I cannot understand why people froth about this kind of thing.

Yes I have diagnosed OCD, Borderline PD, PTSD and all that and I still do not get worked up over people who are self diagnosed. NHS funding in specialist mental health is limited, many people can't get a diagnosis or help, in spite of the fact that nearly all of us will get a mental health issue at some point in our lives MaisyPops

All of this. People sneering at people who have issues with anxiety and other mental health issues are absolute dicks. It's because of people like this, that people have^ anxiety. I have lost count of the amount of people (over the years) who have called people like me, 'boring' and told them to 'get over themselves' when they shy away from a social situation.

I literally feel queasy and stressed for DAYS when something is coming up (like a social event, works do, meal out with people, or visitors,) and I can't BEAR people turning up uninvited, and don't like people coming to my house (apart from very close family like my sibling and parents.)

I am quite within my rights to feel this way, without having some obnoxious, opinionated twat telling me I need to 'get a grip' or 'anxiety my arse, you're just a miserable, anti-social twat.' As I said, it's people like this, who make people like me GET anxiety.

There is a phenomenal amount of ignorance around mental health issues and anxiety, and anyone mocks people who have it, (and belittles it, and says it's all in their head,) is a fucking twat.

And have these people who slate people with anxiety (for not going out with them or answering the door to them etc,) thought that apart from the anxiety, the people are not answering the door to you, or going out with you, because they don't like you, and think you're a cunt?!

Bore off and leave us alone.

At minimum £25 -£30k a year, a nanny is posh. I am guessing Norland College nannies are paid a lot more than that.

Au pair get on average £70 to £100 a week, for 25 to 30 hours, definitively not posh! I am working class, and most people could have the space for an au-pair if they wanted one. Au pairs can be great, but they are honestly the cheapest form of childcare if you can't have free one from family

i am quite within my rights to feel this way, without having some obnoxious, opinionated twat telling me I need to 'get a grip' or 'anxiety my arse, you're just a miserable, anti-social twat.' hmm As I said, it's people like this, who make people like me GET anxiety.

Maybe they're a trigger for your anxiety there and then, but they're not the cause of your having anxiety. The fact they bring up anxious feelings is a symptom of your own anxiety, not their fault.

I hope you've had access to the right treatment to manage and improve your anxiety, it can make the world of difference. It's not something you simply have and then must deal with forever, some mental disorders are treatable. I worry sometimes that that message isn't getting across when people talk about how had their MH issue is and how they can't help it and everyone must change to suit them and it's chronic etc. It's important to talk about to reduce stigma but I rarely see people talk about how you CAN get help, there are effective treatments out there you can access or even work on yourself, and it can be improved to such an extent it's no longer causing difficulties in daily life.

That's £2-4 per hour cucaracha. Is that legal?

There are special rules for au pairs that live in. It's not considered a wage, more like pocket money.

Yeah that's what I meant - worded it badly sorry. People like I was on about trigger my anxiety.

yes, it is legal because it is pocket money - families offer accommodation and food too. That's why people who complain that the au-pair asks for something else than beans on toast and some fresh fruits for example , these people are really taking the piss!

When both au-pair (who are untrained and unqualified) and the families are reasonable, it's a good mutual arrangement, but they are very cheap!

It came as a total shock to me that DH and I couldn't possibly be genuinely in love with each other when we married because we had quite an expensive wedding at an expensive venue.

Who knew?

I know what you mean. Apparently we're heading for the divorce courts because we have separate finances. It was news to us.

RL - Someone has a different opinion and voices it
MN - This place is full of evil bullying trolls

'It's getting quite hard to find au-pair, foreigners no longer seem that interested, maybe it's Brexit, maybe it's terrorism, but it's getting very difficult.'

It may be that fewer and fewer young people want to be treated like an indentured servant for a few scraps from the master's table.

MN - We must all protect the environment and anyone who drives a car larger than a kid's trike is an evil enviro-terrorist - BUT it is also compulsory (and an EU-guaranteed Human Right) to fly away on foreign holidays several times a year and the government should ban holiday companies from charging more than 5p a person (or anything for sitting together).
RL - We just get on with it.