To ask if you would forget your morals and principles to give your children a better life?

[OverTheMountain42]

Posting here for traffic but asking just that,

Would you do a job that was totally against every moral and principal you have, just to give your children a better life?

Currently financially things are looking more and more bleak. I have an opportunity to do a job which isn't illegal, isn't prostitution but is somewhat demeaning and not a great example as a parent to do. I wouldn't be considering this if I didn't have a child and have always been quite against it. But now needs must. Family and friends would definitely disapprove but most would under I think. I will be going from answers here.

We aren't completely destitute or starving but this would definitely mean I would be able to give my child a far better life, my time with him would be slightly less but not hugely significant.

What would you do? Go against everything you stood for, but it would be easier, or keep your principles and morals and look for something else even if it pays less and takes longer?

Please don't do it. It goes against your morals. You have said that people say horrible things to you in everyday life that leave you feeling bad. People that say these things are vile but I can't help think that doing the job you mentioned 'encourages' the thinking that it is something to be made fun of.
People can be cruel, but only people that you wouldn't want in your life anyway. Keep your morals.

I got a job because I was thin.
I had long blonde hair.
I was clever.
I had experience.
I got qualifications.
I was erudite.
I was good at cleaning tea cups and making tea.
I could type.
I could plant little trees in lovely rows.

No way did I ever take a job because someone was going to exploit my physical appearance. They may have thought so but I was always in charge.

The morals and principles argument wouldn't bother me, but being handcuffed to a drunken stag, possible victim of spiked drinks, and his pissed-up mates doesn't sound very safe, especially for a small woman. So I don't think I would do this if I were you.

Absolutely DO NOT DO IT.
It will be on the internet forever, and one day could be used as a stick to beat your son with.

Much better that when your son is back at school that you take steps to get back to your former professional career. You have this option; use it.

I am so sorry that you are treated like this on a regular basis. But it would be so much better for your son if he saw you get the professional respect you deserve; not a short term fix for money.

I don't think I would do that because being with groups of drunken stags would be my idea oh hell!

If you think you can deal with all the drunken games and banter then it's up to you but I'd want to talk to others employed by the company first find out what they have experienced ect

Once you have all the facts then I would sit down and think about all the pros and cons obviously including what morally you feel about it

No

Do you trust a bunch of pissed-out-of-their-head blokes on a stag to let you out of the handcuffs every time either you or the stag needs the bog? Bear in mind that as the stag gets full of beer, he'll be going more and more often.

Also, visions of the keys being lost, and you having to stay with him until the next morning, and they find a decent saw.

There are so many reasons why this is a terrible idea.

I wouldn't do it! More so if it's going to be put on the Internet. If your child became a very successful or public person later in life, this would definitely come back to haunt you both.

No I wouldn't do the stag do, I would however consider acting as it highlights differences but in a positive way. If you like acting that is.
However consider tee long game and try to make a way back to your old career.
Anyone who take pictures and laughs at you has far bigger moral issues.

Nope - and not because of you being a small woman either - I would not do it full-stop because I would not trust a bunch of leery lairy men who believe they have 'bought' me for their own entertainment. No escape route, no protection and with added alcohol no safety in numbers. You would be solely relying on the one more sober decent guy to make sure things didn't get out of hand.

Don’t do it, these men are not going to be pleasent towards you, you’ll probably get sexually assaulted at some point and it would make your sons life hell when he’s older if school peers find out.

To some extent, yes, I would compromise my principles in order to give my dd the best start in life. I'm not proud of it, but there it is.

For example, I don't really agree with private schooling, but was willing to consider a private school for dd and would have sent her there if I had genuinely believed that she would have received a better education. (Eventually, I concluded that the state school was just as good, so I didn't have to do battle with my conscience on that one after all.)

However, I would not compromise my principles to such an extent that I would lose my own self-respect. And I would not do any kind of job if I would be ashamed of telling dd what I was doing, regardless of the financial benefits that such a job might bring. I think that's where I would draw the line, personally.

Plenty of women prostitute themselves in order to eat or even live. No shame in it. Extreme examples would be those incarcerated in WWII concentration camps who did what they did in order to live.

Only on MN would you get a moral judgement between death and life.

Op I've just googled dwarf hire for stag do....please don't do it, I cannot imagine how humiliated I would feel if that was me - self confidence would be at rock bottom. This isn't about your principles or even your son, it's about you and how important you are and you have a right to be safe.

Absolutely not and certainly not for private school which is not a necessity. The thought of anyone treating my Mother like that makes me feel ill. It'd haunt me if I discovered as an adult what she'd been doing. I'd be utterly devastated to know how she'd been humiliated and derided. Not to mention how potentially dangerous it could be.

Also, and I know this sort of thing goes on, but who are the assholes who request such things, and why? If I discovered that my hypothetical fiance had done this at his stag night, the wedding and relationship would be off. I'd have absolutely no interest in spending another day with any man who sees humiliating people with disabilities as entertainment.

OP don't do it. Respecting yourself is important as are your morals.

What was the reception that you got when looking at a state school that has made you think this is necessary in order to send your ds to a private school? It’s this that needs to be tackled first before resorting to having to earn extra thousands of pounds every year.

Can you not move house?

There is no perfect school but millions of children do go to state schools. Only a small percentage of people can afford private schools. Also, you wouldn’t be able to stop earning the fees for twelve years. Which would be daunting enough in a stable profession I think.

I am also saying don't do this. You are worth better, you used to do a professional job, you can do that again. As long as your son is warm, fed and loved the rest are less important than this. Seriously millions of us have sent our children to state schools and they have done just fine, degrees, good jobs.

This could be at the detriment of your mental health and your relationship with your son in years to come.

I’d worry purely because only a twat would hire a dwarf for entertainment. They aren’t going to be nice decent guys and they’d aren’t going to care about your welfare. These will be the same sort of guys that enjoy dog fighting and like to sexual harass thier secretaries.

Is your safety assured somehow? That would be my very first concern. No money is worth putting your physical or mental safety at risk.

the physical difference and providing the entertainment off of that

So like an athlete? Pro basketball players are all freakishly tall.

No no no no no no no. I’m not even judging this from a moral stance OP but I just don’t think you’d be safe.
Watch the videos of the people that do this OP and think about the chances of being puked on, dragged into a scuffle, or worse. You’re boy deserves to know that you’re safe when you work regardless of what you do.

OP, it sounds like you and your child have a roof over your head and food in your bellies. That being the case, no, I wouldn't consider such an extreme job.

The photographs will be on social media until the end of time. Worse, the photos won't all be the staged ones taken by your employer, some will be photos taken by drunken stags. You don't sound as if you would cope well with people seeing those photos and your mental wellbeing is an important factor.

When your DS grows up, he is not going to say, 'I wish my mummy had put herself through that so I could have gone to a posher school.'

Gosh, I thought it was going to be some dreadful job, like animal experiments, abortion clinics or live sex camera work.

Being handcuffed to a guy for a few hours wouldn’t knock my moral compass off track, especially if I was earning £100ph

My real concern would be, will you have five hours work each week, or will it be one or two busy weeks followed by a month of no work and you trying to manage on last months wages for 8 weeks.

If it helps, I’d say do it with pride, there’s nothing seedy really, you’re just making memories for the stag that not everybody could pull off!

Please don’t do this, you could put yourself in so much danger. Being handcuffed to someone like that could lead you into situations where you aren’t safe, or at risk of physical/sexual assault. What about looking into getting work through an agency for theatre work etc instead, sometgingvthats safer.