To ask if you would forget your morals and principles to give your children a better life?

[OverTheMountain42]

Posting here for traffic but asking just that,

Would you do a job that was totally against every moral and principal you have, just to give your children a better life?

Currently financially things are looking more and more bleak. I have an opportunity to do a job which isn't illegal, isn't prostitution but is somewhat demeaning and not a great example as a parent to do. I wouldn't be considering this if I didn't have a child and have always been quite against it. But now needs must. Family and friends would definitely disapprove but most would under I think. I will be going from answers here.

We aren't completely destitute or starving but this would definitely mean I would be able to give my child a far better life, my time with him would be slightly less but not hugely significant.

What would you do? Go against everything you stood for, but it would be easier, or keep your principles and morals and look for something else even if it pays less and takes longer?

handcuffed to a drunken stag for the evening

God how awful. I would feel like I was ruining someone’s stag do for them, even though it was their mates fault. I think I would get home and cry every night.

I’m not sure I would be so confident about this being regular long term work that I would be prepared to send my child to private school on the back of it. I would also assume you would be at very high risk of sexual assault.

I don’t think this is about morals; it isn’t an immoral job. It’s about self esteem.

Personally, I think I would do it and earn as much as possible to set you and your DC up for life. If you are happy to do it and will be safe. If you become well known locally, would you consider earning for a few years then move away for a fresh start somewhere else.

Things I would not consider doing are jobs like animal testing labs.

By the way, when I made my comment above I assumed there would be a minder looking out for you.

What the hell is a feed o file?

I saw this OP, on that documentary about the dwarves.
I forget the one, I'm sure you'll have seen it.
Please don't do it because it goes against all your principles and it wouldn't be good environments either.

It really doesn't pay that much as the work isn't regular nor reliable.

Oh OP, just from what you've written I gather that you take slights from people to heart. (I'm not saying that you shouldn't, I'd be similarly gutted if people were wisecracking at me in the street.)

I think that this could break you as a person. Unless you've either got a very thick skin or drink to excess.

Are you an outgoing type of person who likes a rowdy night out?

This is why it's such a difficult position, if I didn't have my son I'm certain I wouldn't do it (I was offered it privately as a one off by someone I knew, I didn't do it).

But, as I say, I get most of this stuff daily, I can be in a supermarket and someone would take a photograph and laugh with a mate, and I get nothing from that except just feeling a bit shit. Or I could earn the money on a nights work.
The danger side is of course in my mind, things getting out of hand and me on my own with a load of drunk idiots. I'm never going to come off well in that.

It's a difficult one, hence asking.

If you think you will be safe, and you could cope with it psychologically, I'd say do it. Just see it as a form of acting. You can always give up if you hate it.

Maybe you would be able to use it as a springboard into proper, totally respectable acting and performance work.

I really feel for you OP. I just couldn't put myself in that danger. If somebody said or did something out of line i couldn't shrug it off.

I'd actually prefer to do webcam nonsense than go out in public and be humiliated. At least with webcams you have more control of the situation.

Of course she’s not going to be safe!!!

It would break any child’s heart to think that their mum went through this for their benefit.

Me too. At least with a webcam there ‘s some physical distance between you and the punter.

So dwarf hire, where I would be hired for a stag party as a form of entertainment handcuffed to a drunken stag for the evening

People really do this??

OP, you have said that this goes against every moral and principal you have, although I agree with a PP that your self-esteem could end up being shattered by something like this.

If it's to keep you and your son from starving, that's perhaps different. But to pay for private school and material things, no.

Of course she’s not going to be safe. You're not. You're really not.

It would break any child’s heart to think that their mum went through this for their benefit. I thought this as well.

You are quite clearly capable of doing something that doesn't risk your sense of self and happiness. Your self esteem matters. Hold out for something else.

Please don't

Maybe get a proper agent? Someone to act as buffer and protector against the idiots as well as a negotiator? I speak as an actor who is frequently made to feel like a commodity, not a human being.

Agree with Time40, its a form of acting, take the money, give yourself a and your son a good life and use it as a route to something you might prefer.

Maybe you would be able to use it as a springboard into proper, totally respectable acting and performance work

That has got to be one of the most naive things I’ve ever read on here.

The only way I could imagine copeing with this work is by snorting a shedload of coke every night.

Please do not do it. My kids go to state school and they are fine.

The work is demeaning.

"I have had a very professional career before DS, a lot of people I know would say it's more of a waste of my intelligence but it would take a good few years to get back to where I was as I came out to have DS."

If you can do this, get back to your former career, please do that.

You say you are doing this for your son, but actually doing something that adds to the general idea that people can disrespect you for your height is wrong.

Or @musketeersmama "Maybe get a proper agent? Someone to act as buffer and protector against the idiots as well as a negotiator?" But I would say for serious acting, not for this kind of thing.

Good luck, please, do what is best in the long run for both of you, make your money in a way that shows your true worth. XXXX

I'd be tempted.

I have been considering private school teaching cos my kids might get to attend for reduced fees. I don't agree with private schools.

"The danger side is of course in my mind, things getting out of hand and me on my own with a load of drunk idiots. I'm never going to come off well in that." Please take this seriously. You are wroth so much more than being a prop for someone on their stage night.

I am wildly trying to come up with ideas OP. But if you're in or near a major city you could become part of the burlesque/variety circuit.

It's good money, learn to hulahoop, play an instrument or sing and you could go down the vaudeville route. I am in Glasgow which has one dedicated variety club open every weekend and also a good 3 or 4 monthly or bimonthly events run by other groups across other venues.

I'm sure that Leeds, Newcastle and Manchester also have good links for this.

Just read the update.

Please don't do it. Your sense of self worth will project on to your children, and they will pick up on it if you're unhappy and lacking on confidence from this. It's not fair to yourself at all.

No, when I had my DC that was when I cracked down on myself living up to my principles instead of just talking about them. Didn't want to ever be called a hypocrite or have to say 'do as I say, not as I do'. Money is definitely not everything.

Having rtft now, I don't think it's so much about principles as it is about taking a self-esteem beating to earn money. Don't do it OP. You'll be happier, he'll be happier.

No, if I was you I wouldn’t do that. In the same way I wouldn’t lap dance or whatever now, but it wouldn't have bothered me when I was slim, because now they’d be hiring me because I’m overweight. The jibes and other nonsense you get aimed at you when you are out is disgraceful, being paid for other work won’t make that hurt any less and you’ll end up feeling like you ask for it if you get paid to be treated like that. It’s one thing to be paid because you’re sexy, it’s another to be paid because you’re overweight or a dwarf ot whatever. Your self esteem will take a monumental battering...all to send your child to a different school.

It’s NOT about morals, it’s about your mental wellbeing.

Go back to what you did before DS, it will take some time but that time will pass anyway.