Disinvited from partner’s friend’s wedding

[RParr]

My DP and I have been together for a little under a year now, and pretty much live together. I met a close friend of his in August, who invited me to his wedding. He then extended the invitation via text again in December.
When the invite arrived, it listed my partner only. DP didn’t mention this until two weeks later during my birthday trip when I started talking about how excited I was to go. He said he had asked the guy and he had said “Oh, we’re short on numbers, but she can come to the evening do if she likes.”
I thought about it and decided that i won’t go to the evening event if I am not invited to the day event, especially as the evening invite was only extended once my DP asked why I hadn’t been invited.
I am the only long-term partner who has been excluded from the wedding. There was no forewarning that I was disinvited - it just happened.
Because of this, we’ve had a couple of arguments. I was peeved that DP didn’t mention it to me until the topic of conversation came up, irritated that DP didn’t seem to be all that bothered, and to an extent I am upset that he is going when his friend has been so incredibly rude.
I’ve managed to keep quiet about it lately, but last night we were out with some friends and one of them asked if I was excited about the wedding. It then became the topic of conversation for the night as they all sat around and said how rude he and his partner have been in doing this. I wanted to drop it, as the topic upsets me, but I did eventually cry after we left and told my partner that I was still upset, and that I couldn’t understand how he was happy with going to a wedding where his friend had disinvited me with no explanation.
He said he’s not happy about it, but can’t do anything about it. I feel like I am potentially being hard work here, but I did say that had I been in his position I would have politely declined, but that now that we’re three weeks away from his friend’s big day it would look horrendous if he were to decline now.
Sorry for the babble, but I guess I’m wondering if I am being unreasonable for declining the evening invite that was only extended after DP asked his friend about the disinvite, and AIBU for feeling slighted?
I’ve never been in this position, so I can’t get my head around why I feel so hurt.

blastomama Your information that it isn't is based on what? Many sources do count 12 months as long term:

patient.info/doctor/long-term-sickness-and-incapacity

data.oecd.org/unemp/long-term-unemployment-rate.htm

www.gov.uk/government/news/work-programme-helps-drive-long-term-unemployment-to-5-year-low

You're confusing long term and serious, they are two different things. You can be short term and serious, or long term and not serious.

I'm not confusing it at all. I'm trying to make the point that whether or not OPs relationship is long-term is irrelevant.

Obviously 12 months off work sick would be long term sick. I’m an employment lawyer and I’m absolutely stunned anyone is suggesting a year off work with ill health would not be long term sick leave.

You’re not actually invited until you get the official invite! Good intentions and well meaning but clearly the budget dictated in the end, take it with good grace, wave your partner off, send your warmest wishes then go out with the girls and have fun. PS what I say long term? Got engaged 3 months in, baby on the way 12 months in, 15 years later still going strong!, not quite sure where I’d say it got ‘serious’ !!

Being sick and being in a relationship have completely different time scales, McTufty . They're not two comparable states of being.

@iamagreyhoundhearmeroar

I agree they aren’t comparable but I was responding to @blastomama who said a few posts up that it wouldn’t be classed as long term sick and that 12 months is never long term.

I don’t really care if 12 months is or isn’t long term, what’s far more relevant is whether it’s a serious relationship.

Ah, I missed that, McTufty.

That’s the time the invite actually counts.

This is ridiculous. If I repeatedly invite someone to something, then that invitation counts, even if I haven't hand-engraved it onto cream cardstock and included petals in the envelope.

An invitation is an invitation, however it's issued. An invitation repeated is doubly so. It's incredibly rude to just "forget" that you've repeatedly invited someone.

I wonder why they repeated the (verbal) invitation. That's making quite a meal of it, isn't it, even if they actually had kept her on the guest list?
Most people don't issue verbal invites even once, especially not months in advance of sitting down to write the invitations.
The whole thing is extremely odd.
How did they phrase the second one, op? It wasn't in response to a request for reassurance from you, was it?

Pfft, let it go
Go to the evening do and have a lovely time
It's neither a snub nor a judgement on the seriousness of your relationship. It's a venue capacity issue and nothing more.

And with weddings and such you're not invited until you get the invitation, anything before is amiable chatter. The first time it was mentioned must have been v early in your relationship and not to be taken seriously.