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Original poster

If your dp did this?

183 replies

namechangersgalore · 03/03/2018 19:32

I have just arrived back from a holiday with my dp and baby. A group of dp's male friends were visiting the destination at the same time and he basically spent the week staying out with them every night until 3am, spent one whole morning going out to an activity with them and one day they even happened to be in the same Waterpark at the same time. I'm starting to realise that being in the same destination at the same time probably wasn't exactly a coincidence and I was left holding the baby for a lot of the week. He did pay for the whole trip so do I have a right to be furious with him?

OP posts:
PunkrockerGirl59 · 03/03/2018 20:21

he is an amazing father to our baby and I can't fault him as a dad

No, he's a dick.

KarmaStar · 03/03/2018 20:22

Yes OP,you have a right.

WaverleyOwl · 03/03/2018 20:23

Sorry, your DH is an unmitigated cockwomble. You Should Come First. Regardless of last minute, oh my friends are here whatever. He knew. Sorry you've tied yourself to a man child.

WaverleyOwl · 03/03/2018 20:25

My DH always puts us first. As do I, him. That's how it should be. If you can't trust your partner...you ain't got nothing. Sorry.

CanIhavedessertfirst · 03/03/2018 20:25

He's a selfish bastard, simple as that OP. I'd seriously consider leaving him. I think this is quite possibly the most shocking 'selfish dp' post I've read.

frasier · 03/03/2018 20:26

What a twat.

I would have gone home (as long as child was young enough to realise they were not missing out). It wasn't a holiday at all. It was a piss up for him.

PuntasticUsername · 03/03/2018 20:28

Amazing dads don't treat the mothers of their children with this little respect.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 03/03/2018 20:28

He's a twat of the highest order

IF and its a massive if he didn't know that his mates would book a holiday at exactly the same time in exactly the same location (what they don't talk to each other?) a normal person would maybe hang out one night then you know actually have that family holiday with your family.

He is not a good father. He ditched you and your baby every single day. He didn't help out. He was out till 3am so I'm guessing not much cop in the mornings.

It was a lads holiday. But he guessed he'd never get you to agree to that so he faked a family holiday, got his mates to book the lads in and then pretended you were having a nice family holiday.

What are you going to do? I mean he's a shit. It'd be a deal breaker for me

FrostiesMum · 03/03/2018 20:30

We had a holiday a few years ago for a wedding, pre DC. It was my DHs friends so he spent a couple of afternoons with them aside from the usual wedding dinners etc. I think that’s fine. BUT we were on holiday too so there needed to be a balance.

What your husband did was disrespectful. I think you need to talk about boundaries. Unless you’re happy with what happened, because if you don’t address it, it will happen again. I’m not saying LTB because life is way more complicated than that and anyone can make a mistake (especially if you were there saying no, that’s fine darling, you go etc) but the fact you are now excusing him by saying he’s a good dad etc suggests to me that you are not planning to do anything about it because you don’t want to challenge him. That’s the sad part.

Spanners1 · 03/03/2018 20:32

Did you speak to him whilst you were on holiday about it? If not, why on earth not? That in itself speaks volumes too. Sorry OP but I agree with others he's a cockwomble of the highest order.

Original poster
namechangersgalore · 03/03/2018 20:33

I feel like he's had the best of both worlds, he has been able to take his baby on holiday and 'show him the world' and had a whale of a time with his friends at the same time. He's had his cake and ate it is how I'm feeling.

OP posts:
JaneEyre70 · 03/03/2018 20:33

He's not an amazing father, love, please don't think that. If my DH had ever done that, I'd have left him there and come home then set fire to his belongings on the lawn and sent him the photos.
Don't be his doormat, you are worth better.

PhelanThePain · 03/03/2018 20:35

he has been able to take his baby on holiday and 'show him the world'

Eh? Was it a round the world tour? How old is baby? Suspect all baby saw was sun loungers and pool lilos.

BrendasUmbrella · 03/03/2018 20:35

Yes, he planned it. Whether it was "Lol, on hand babysitter" or whether he mentioned the holiday to his friends and they basically invited themselves along, it's extremely unpleasant when men have families but continue with their single lifestyles. Only you know which scenario was more likely. (I'd be tempted to look at his whatsapp personally...)

NeedsAsockamnesty · 03/03/2018 20:37

So did he take the baby with him on all the lads piss ups?

Ginkypig · 03/03/2018 20:41

No you took him on holiday. Even if he paid, he earned that money because you provided the ability for him to go out to work without the worry of finding childcare.

He just went on holiday to a place you and baby were also holidaying.

honeyroar · 03/03/2018 20:45

Why on Earth didn't you say anything? I'd have told him the second time he went out that if he thought he was leaving you alone he had better rethink.

As things stand I would tell him that the holiday made you feel like a single parent, and you know what, it was quite nice, you think you'll go and live on your own and he can live the single life like he obviously wants.

GottadoitGottadoit · 03/03/2018 20:46

Of all the resorts in the world his mates end up in yours and he’s claiming he didn’t know?! He must think you’re an idiot!

Partypopper123 · 03/03/2018 20:47

He has taken this piss on an almighty scale. I would be beyond livid if my DP had ever done this to me.
Seriously you need to have it out with him, it's massively disrespectful to you.

Hisnamesblaine · 03/03/2018 20:51

Out of interest were did you go? Anf how old is baby? Did he spend time with you two in the day then clear off when baby was asleep? Not that it makes any difference? Hes total areshole

SimonBridges · 03/03/2018 20:52

Even if he didn’t know they were going to be there this is a pissttake.

One night out would be fair enough. If he wasn’t home until 3 every night then you can’t have done much in the day.

Voice0fReason · 03/03/2018 20:52

This is all on his terms.
He's an amazing dad - when it suits him.
He goes on holiday with you - when it suits him.
He goes out with his friends - when it suits him.

No-one else matters.

Cowsopinion · 03/03/2018 20:52

Honestly OP I'd be more than irritated.

He's shown a complete lack of respect to you. He's 25. He sounds like he's not ready to grow up.

Is this what you want for your life? For the next umpteen years?

Also raise your standards! He's not a fantastic dad just because he spends time with his child. Surely that's the bare minimum we should actually expect?

OhCalamity · 03/03/2018 20:54

If he can't manage even a day out alone with his own child then he's NOT an amazing dad. Not even close.

Seriously. This was planned. Either by him, or by his mates. And even if his mates did plan it behind his back, is he should have been well able to tell his mates "Sorry lads, this is a family holiday, so we wont be meeting up. I'll see you all when we get back home"

So either he's a liar, or he's spineless. Either way, he's telling you clearly who he is. Listen carefully to him.

buttercup54321 · 03/03/2018 20:54

He planned this. I would be livid and would have come home without him. He could collect his stuff when he got back and go and move in with one of them.

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