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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be NEVER speak to SIL again?

410 replies

MadSister1818 · 03/03/2018 18:04

DB and SIL came to stay with their 2 DCs 5 and 2.

After they had gone, I noticed my old bear was missing. Looked high and lo but nothing.

Spoke to DB earlier and asked about my bear. Turns out the 5yo had taken a shine to it and asked SIL if she could take it. SIL SAID YES!!!

To make it worse, she only went and bloody lost it on the way home Sad

I’ve had this bear since I was a baby. It was my most trusted companion and confidant throughout my childhood. DB knows this. But he was laughing whilst being apologetic about the whole thing.

I know I’m overreacting and it was just an accident but I am SO upset.

AIBU to never speak to SIL again? (Obviously I will through gritted teeth but right now I feel like having a full on tantrum).

OP posts:
DameGlitterSparkles · 03/03/2018 18:58

This behaviour is absolutely not fucking acceptable! Your brother is a cunt and your SIL an entitled wanker!

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 03/03/2018 18:58

OP, I think you are underreactig because it’s a bear. If this was any other previous item that your guests helped themselves to you’d be furious and showing it. Your family need to show more respect when they are a guest in your home and the need to teach their children that it is NOT okay to take stuff just because they like it. Make it clear that the bear must be found. I hope he isn’t cold in the snow.

Toast3 · 03/03/2018 18:59

I think if they realise how upset you are over your bear being lost then, if they are reasonable people, they would at least try and find it for you. Re trace steps, advertise on Facebook etc...
Can’t believe they took it without asking in the first place.😢

Dontoutmenow · 03/03/2018 19:00

Is it lost? Or are they just saying that so they don’t have to return it?

Fromage · 03/03/2018 19:00

I question that it's lost, too.

If 'not thinking straight' = 'thinking like an entitled prick' then yes, your SIL wasn't thinking straight.

I've been sleep deprived and stressed but I don't think it's ever caused me to think it's ok to help myself to someone else's possessions.

Still, now you know how relaxed she is about ownership of other people's stuff, next time you're at her house, you know she won't mind if you help yourself to something of hers, lose it on the way home and only speak to her about it if she specifically brings it up with you. I would help myself to her handbag, I think.

LadyLaSnack · 03/03/2018 19:01

Regardless of what she was thinking when she took it, anyone with a heart would realise the enormity of the situation as soon as your brother told her you’d had the bear since childhood.

Why hasn’t she been on the phone to explain and apologise and to tell you her plans to try to rectify the situation (search party, Twitter, posters etc.)

strawberrypenguin · 03/03/2018 19:01

YANBU I'd be devistated if this was my bear. Taking anything from your house without asking is not OK but taking something clearly sentimental is worse. At 5 their dc would easily have understood 'no that's your aunts bear'
I think you need to make it clear how upset you are and they need to make a great effort to find your bear. You have been much more together than I would be I would have shouted long and hard already. I hope you get him back.

thanksjaneshusbandatcaresouth · 03/03/2018 19:02

Ask her to find it and tell her you are upset.
Ask her where she last saw it.
Don’t leave it, you may get ted back

beepbeeprichie · 03/03/2018 19:02

Oh OP. I still have my teddy and I would be distraught. Bloody crap of your DB too. You are allowed, at any age, to attach value to objects as you see fit. Just because something isn’t worth a million pounds doesn’t mean it isn’t irreplaceable to you. I would contact him by whatever means and ask him to get out and try to find it. Can you join the hunt?
How terribly thoughtless, careless and generally crap. I really hope you find it.

HanutaQueen · 03/03/2018 19:02

OP my mum made me my bear, when she was pregnant with me. If something like this happened I would cry a LOT and then go absolutely stratospheric angry and probably not let them back in my house for a long, long time. I can't imagine my siblings thinking it was funny either, they both have things that they would be equally as gutted if they were stolen or destroyed.

Overreaction maybe but like a PP my bear is the first thing I'd save in a house fire. He was my solace through bullying, depression, abuse, more abuse, every horrible time in my life he's been there to cuddle.

Lupiform · 03/03/2018 19:03

God, this would leave me totally distraught. I agree, they need to try to find it (and give you details of the journey so you can also search if you want to). I'm so sorry, OP. They sound very selfish.

glenthebattleostrich · 03/03/2018 19:04

My fucking dickhead abusive ex destroyed my childhood teddy. Bizarrely that was the tipping point for me. It was the line that crossed, almost like he pissed on my childhood.

OP, you are a better person than I am for not phoning and screaming at them.

thanksjaneshusbandatcaresouth · 03/03/2018 19:04

My 15 year old sleeps with my bear.
But he knows it’s my bear.

I have kept my great aunt’s bear on a shelf.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 03/03/2018 19:04

Well if she's got a heart, she'll get out there and find him, social media, whatever it takes. Poor you, hole you get him back. 🌻

Missingstreetlife · 03/03/2018 19:05

Outrageous. No excuse

Allthebestnamesareused · 03/03/2018 19:05

Have a think about what they treasure nd help yourself to it next time you are there; after all they clearly think this is normal acceptable behaviour. (It isn't)

NewYearNewMe18 · 03/03/2018 19:05

Theft: intention to permanently deprive the owner of enjoyment of their property

ENOUGH with the call the police bollox advice. They really wont care that a 5yo lost a teddy that she borrowed.

glenthebattleostrich · 03/03/2018 19:06

Oh and DD didn't sleep through until she was 5.5. She still knew that other people's property was off limits to take home. It didn't stop her trying, but I dealt with the tantrums even in my sleep deprived state.

Beeziekn33ze · 03/03/2018 19:06

That's awful, SiL should realise how out of order she was.

Charolais · 03/03/2018 19:07

Tell your SIL and brother you want them to return your teddy ASAP because you miss him. If Ted is not returned then don’t speak to her again. She’s a thief.

youarenotkiddingme · 03/03/2018 19:07

I agree I doubt your SIL meant harm.

But she has serious boundary issues if she thinks you can just take things without asking. I'd also be concern d about what message her children are getting.

And I agree you need to make it clear you expect them to explore and exhaust every avenue to get t back.
Also - when did DB find out SIL said she could take it? Why didn't he stop it earlier?

thenorthernluce · 03/03/2018 19:08

Even reading this is making me tear up at the thought of someone taking and losing my teddy, who has been my constant companion for 32 years. She sleeps in bed with me and my husband, who always passes her to me before we turn the lights out for sleep. My daughter will never be allowed to appropriate her (she’s currently 7 months).

SIL must never darken your doorstep again!

Aquamarine1029 · 03/03/2018 19:08

There is absolutely NO valid excuse for what your SIL has done. This is a blazing reflection of her true character. She is not to ever be trusted, and if I were you, she would never be allowed into my home again.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 03/03/2018 19:09

They "lost" the bear and he was laughing? Am I the only one thinking the bear is tucked up with a child the parents are too afraid to say no to in case diddums has a tantrum and actually he was gauging your reaction? If you didn't mind the would let the child keep it, go mad and hey presto the bear appears

MagicNumbers1234 · 03/03/2018 19:09

To make it worse, she only went and bloody lost it on the way home Hmm In other words...He's not going to return it then The thieving feckers