Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be NEVER speak to SIL again?

410 replies

MadSister1818 · 03/03/2018 18:04

DB and SIL came to stay with their 2 DCs 5 and 2.

After they had gone, I noticed my old bear was missing. Looked high and lo but nothing.

Spoke to DB earlier and asked about my bear. Turns out the 5yo had taken a shine to it and asked SIL if she could take it. SIL SAID YES!!!

To make it worse, she only went and bloody lost it on the way home Sad

I’ve had this bear since I was a baby. It was my most trusted companion and confidant throughout my childhood. DB knows this. But he was laughing whilst being apologetic about the whole thing.

I know I’m overreacting and it was just an accident but I am SO upset.

AIBU to never speak to SIL again? (Obviously I will through gritted teeth but right now I feel like having a full on tantrum).

OP posts:
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 07/03/2018 17:26

Oh I'm so sorry your bear still hasn't been found Flowers I was hoping an update would be good news.

But your b and sil sound like a right pair. Not understanding what the fuss is? Bloody hell. I'd be nc. I couldn't be civil to them after their utter disrespect to me

Fingers are still crossed for you and your bear Flowers

mustbetimeforacreamtea · 07/03/2018 18:28

I think I would be posting that my bear had been stolen on social media as a pp suggested. I would also be passive aggressively sending tatty teddy cards to db & sil on every possible occasion until the bear was returned. I certainly wouldn't be inviting them to my house.

mikeyssister · 07/03/2018 19:13

DS (20) would be absolutely devasted if anyone took his favourite teddy and no way would he ever ever ever ever ever ever ever forgive them.

And knowing how much the bear matters to him there's not a single member of the immediate family who wouldn't 100% back him. And they fight like cats and dogs all the time.

I could cry for you.

LynetteScavo · 07/03/2018 19:36

life has taught me things can be replaced, people can't

This bear can't be replaced though. And we're better off without certain people in our lives.

At the end of the day, this isn't about the OP not physically having the bear anymore, it's about her DB and SILs response.

If their child had accidentally taken it without them realising, then lost it, and they'd retraced their steps and been apologetic, I'm pretty sure the OP wouldn't have bothered posting.

It's the lack of respect she's been shown that is hurtful. Just because they gave young DC and her DB earns more, doesn't mean they are more important than the OP.

Original poster
MadSister1818 · 07/03/2018 20:03

Lynette

Thank you, you’ve articulated what I’m feeling much better than I was able to. That’s exactly it.
And TBH, right now, im feeling that whilst I want to continue having a good relationship with my DNs, I don’t want to be in contact with B and SILA unless they start respecting me.

It a tricky situation.

OP posts:
Greyponcho · 07/03/2018 20:23

havw you tried contacting the management company of the retail park? They might have spotted him

ifanciedanamechange · 07/03/2018 20:25

Apologies for suggesting OP IBU I'm not her SIL. My response suggested op IBU, I gave my opinion and a note as to why I have that opinion and was slated.

Sorry I didn't conform to what you wanted to hear OP. Personally I couldn't fall out with my DB and SIL over something that could have been taken from you in order to pacify their child. The fact that it was lost by them would upset me and perhaps make me cross but I wouldn't sacrifice my relationship with them no. Therefore I think yabu. You can replace a bear, not a brother.

Greyponcho · 07/03/2018 20:32

ifancied I think other posters have jumped to OPs defence from your last post, as although you make a good point about what is replaceable (possessions) and what is not (relationships), it doesn’t mean that OPs feelings of being hurt are any less valid.
Her bro continues to hurt her by being so disrespectful and dismissive of her feelings.

Had OP posted “bear was taken by error then lost, DB & SIL apologetic & made efforts to find, OP wants to go NC” then yes, I would agree with you. But as it is, why should the OP take this crap attitude from her DBs family?

HamishBamish · 07/03/2018 20:33

YANBU. They removed something from your house which didn’t belong to them. That is stealing. The fact it was a precious and irreplaceable item makes it even worse. I’m afraid I wouldn’t be speaking to them again bar telling them exactly what I thought of them first. I wouldn’t be terribly fussed about seeing my nice again either tbh.

AlexaAmbidextra · 07/03/2018 20:33

Ifancied. You don't 'pacify' a child at any cost. Particularly by taking somebody else's possession without having the courtesy to ask. Too bad if the child is upset. The parents need to teach it that in life, it can't have everything it wants.

bringbacksideburns · 07/03/2018 20:36

OP - are your parents around? I just wondered what their take on it was and if they could have spoken to your brother and made him see how out of order he has been.

It's really sad they have no sensitivity

divafever99 · 07/03/2018 20:49

This is so sad, they are being so disrespectful. This reminds me of the thread about that bunny that was found near the House of Commons and was reunited with its owner with the power of Mumsnet. Hope you are reunited with your bear too.

Original poster
MadSister1818 · 07/03/2018 20:49

bringbacksideburns

I did speak to my DM about this but unfortunately (for me) parents are sufficiently impressed by B and SIL (SIL comes from aristocratic stock 🙄) to not want to rock the boat.

OP posts:
Original poster
MadSister1818 · 07/03/2018 20:51

Sorry I should explain. I was being facetious. By aristocracy, what I mean is that she comes from money.

OP posts:
coconutpie · 07/03/2018 21:19

I would never have SIL and B back in the house again after that.

sarcasmisnotthelowestformofwit · 07/03/2018 21:52

I just can't even imagine someone doing that. It's outrageous. Then to brush it off and gaslight you into thinking you are overreacting. Unforgivable. Sorry OP. This sucks.

KateGrey · 07/03/2018 21:56

They sound awful! Taking the bear out of the equation it’s about their lack of respect when their child who’d they just let take the bear without asking lost it.

greenlynx · 08/03/2018 08:20

ifanciedanamechange, you think that OP should value her relationship with DB more in this situation, but how about DB? Why he didn't think about his irreplaceable sister and her feelings? Why he didn't bother what she will think? For me, minor tantrum of my child ( who's probably just tired, sleepy, hungry...) would be much less important. Small children have trying behaviour very often, it's not something unusual.

Rosielily · 08/03/2018 09:04

This is so sad and could all have been avoided had the child been told "no". On a similar note, many years ago we had friends over for Sunday lunch. Lots of fuss from father beforehand - would we get food out on the table promptly so son (aged 5) could eat ASAP and could the soup be lukewarm as son didn't like it too hot....... Son didn't eat anything and was left to wander around the house. We became aware of banging noises - parents didn't move from their seats. On investigation I saw son was throwing things downstairs - my daughters toys. Parents said "oh, he does like to throw things" and left him to it while continuing to eat. Child then started throwing my china ornaments around the lounge - again they left him to it! I was on edge the whole time and didn't invite them back! Your situation is different though as it's family. I hope your bear turns up for you x

MyKingdomForBrie · 08/03/2018 10:39

It’s rude of them, I’d have been angry, i’d have been annoyed, I’d have been upset. I definitely would not got NC though. Different people have totally different concepts of what is important. SIL clearly didn’t think the teddy would be important. She should now be hugely apologetic and it would piss me off that she’s not, but not enough to lose family relationships over.

mikeyssister · 08/03/2018 17:06

@Rosielily Did anyone stop him throwing the ornaments or did they break?

QueenDramaLlama · 08/03/2018 17:57

I know that sometimes, when tragedy strikes, people do come to decide that actually nothing matters so much as other people - but if you haven't had that experience yourself, then losing things can still matter enormously
Of course OP values her family more than a bear, the issue is that her family are not valuing OP. It's a hard thing to take when someone couldn't care less that they have hurt your feelings.

Rosielily · 08/03/2018 18:51

@mikeyssister - I stopped the throwing, and fortunately nothing broke. Parents carried on eating, which was fortuitous!

Rosielily · 08/03/2018 18:53

Fortuitous that nothing broke - not fortuitous that they carried on eating!!

bettytaghetti · 08/03/2018 19:08

I was really hoping that the extra posts on this thread indicated that the bear had been found Sad.
The site that Rikalaily mentioned had a found bear on the 3rd; I was really hoping that might be it.
Still have fingers crossed for you OP.

Swipe left for the next trending thread