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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be NEVER speak to SIL again?

410 replies

MadSister1818 · 03/03/2018 18:04

DB and SIL came to stay with their 2 DCs 5 and 2.

After they had gone, I noticed my old bear was missing. Looked high and lo but nothing.

Spoke to DB earlier and asked about my bear. Turns out the 5yo had taken a shine to it and asked SIL if she could take it. SIL SAID YES!!!

To make it worse, she only went and bloody lost it on the way home Sad

I’ve had this bear since I was a baby. It was my most trusted companion and confidant throughout my childhood. DB knows this. But he was laughing whilst being apologetic about the whole thing.

I know I’m overreacting and it was just an accident but I am SO upset.

AIBU to never speak to SIL again? (Obviously I will through gritted teeth but right now I feel like having a full on tantrum).

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 03/03/2018 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Boulshired · 03/03/2018 18:24

I would not have anyone in my home who thought stealing my belongings was ok, no matter what the item was.

AJPTaylor · 03/03/2018 18:25

and i would blame db more

FrancisCrawford · 03/03/2018 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 03/03/2018 18:25

Tell them to go and look for it. Twats, I have two soft toys like this and would be devastated too!

KurriKurri · 03/03/2018 18:27

I woudl message exactly what Inniu said and maybe add 'I cannot believe you stole from my home'

People who think that if their child wants something they should have it regardless of whether it belongs to someone else seriously piss me off.
Was it the 5yr old who wanted it ? - well old enough to be told 'no' it belongs to Madsister.

Original poster
MadSister1818 · 03/03/2018 18:31

I’m amazed at how lovely and understanding you all are being about this, I wasn’t sure if I needed to get a grip!

OP posts:
Blackteadrinker77 · 03/03/2018 18:32

How bad mannered of her to not send the little one to ask permission.

That's not a good role model is it? Your DN needs to know you can't just take what you want.

I would speak to your sil and let her know that you are upset. Ask where they last saw it. Maybe post on here and local face book groups to try and find it.

YADNBU I know I can't give you your bear back but sending you this one to virtual cuddle Bear

LuckyLuckyWoman · 03/03/2018 18:32

Get on the phone and tell her exactly what you've said here.

This is your most treasured bear

They should be out there looking for it. Is there a local FB group you could ask on? We have a local page and lots of lost/found items appear on there

Original poster
MadSister1818 · 03/03/2018 18:33

I’m going to ring DB again and make it clear that I am actually very upset. That they need to retrace their steps and exhaust every option of finding my bear.

OP posts:
MotherofaSurvivor · 03/03/2018 18:34

I would inform them that neither of them are welcome in your home ever again! They're thieves and teaching their children to be thieves

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 03/03/2018 18:34

They wouldn’t be welcome in my house again, not even to visit let alone stay. Does she steal something every time the kid wants something. Great lessons being taught there.

starryeyed19 · 03/03/2018 18:34

YADNBU. What an awful thing to do. And to teach your children to do.

My brother gave me treasured toy rabbit to his bulldog puppy who tore it to shreds. I only found out when I went round and saw it in pieces on the patio. So, I promise you, you are being well mannered and restrained in the face of severe provocation

octonaught · 03/03/2018 18:34

i would telephone her and tell her that you are extremely upset about a sentimental Item being taken without permission and now being lost and ask her what she is going to do to find it. Put the ball back in her court.
She needs to feel some shame for what she has permitted. And if she gives your DB hell over it all the better

GreenSeededGrape · 03/03/2018 18:35

This is so bang out of order I just can't believe anyone would be this big of a CF. I would certainly be letting her know how much the best meant to you.

GreenSeededGrape · 03/03/2018 18:35

Bear meant

Thistlebelle · 03/03/2018 18:35

They stole something from your house.

It doesn’t matter what the item was, they took something without asking.

I’m not really sure how that could be a misunderstanding.

I would expect them to make every effort to find it and I wouldn’t be in any hurry to invite them back to stay.

Original poster
MadSister1818 · 03/03/2018 18:36

That’s awful @starryeyed19
Sad

OP posts:
rothbury · 03/03/2018 18:36

What do you mean they lost it? How?

I would go utterly fucking apeshit. I would probably call the police but I am not a reasonable person

StaplesCorner · 03/03/2018 18:36

Just because its a soft toy, its still OP's property - same as if they'd taken money or jewellery. OP I went NC with my SiL 16 years ago and its really worked out well for everyone. Get the bear back then try it.

StaplesCorner · 03/03/2018 18:38

About the dog destroying a toy - yes that is very sad, but at least that was a dog who didn't know what he was doing (your SiL is a fully functioning human adult I presume?)

Gide · 03/03/2018 18:38

You definitely need to tell her how upset you are on two counts, that she a) took something your db knows is hugely sentimental and b) that she fucking lost it! Are you sure it’s lost and not just her lying so she can keep it? Jesus, I’d be so fucking cross!

MrsMozart · 03/03/2018 18:39

I'd be furious and very upset. Had mine since I was born.

Hope it's found.

PhelanThePain · 03/03/2018 18:39

What a ghastly female

This is weird.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 03/03/2018 18:40

Don’t put it away OP - call now. It’s getting late, it will be impossible to find it tomorrow with the wind and current weather (it’s at least wet and windy where I am).