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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be NEVER speak to SIL again?

410 replies

MadSister1818 · 03/03/2018 18:04

DB and SIL came to stay with their 2 DCs 5 and 2.

After they had gone, I noticed my old bear was missing. Looked high and lo but nothing.

Spoke to DB earlier and asked about my bear. Turns out the 5yo had taken a shine to it and asked SIL if she could take it. SIL SAID YES!!!

To make it worse, she only went and bloody lost it on the way home Sad

I’ve had this bear since I was a baby. It was my most trusted companion and confidant throughout my childhood. DB knows this. But he was laughing whilst being apologetic about the whole thing.

I know I’m overreacting and it was just an accident but I am SO upset.

AIBU to never speak to SIL again? (Obviously I will through gritted teeth but right now I feel like having a full on tantrum).

OP posts:
RandomMess · 03/03/2018 18:42

My DH threw my childhood doll in the bin thinking it was just some tatty doll (she was 35+ of course she was well loved!) thankfully I found the exact same one by chance on eBay so bought a replacement!!!

I was so lucky as not a common one like tiny tears etc I still had her wardrobe of clothes. Roll on grandchildren to play with her Grin

HotelEuphoria · 03/03/2018 18:42

I am incensed for you. Did they walk home? Public transport? Car? Where could it have been lost? Her if something like a toy, a mitten, a school jumper etc is found it is laid on a garden wall where found so the owner can find it. They often get reunited. I can't see someone taking what is very obviously an old and cherished toy.

As for the SIL I honestly think it would take me a very long time to forgive that. It took me long enough when DN smashed my shower screens no offer of reimbursement was made by her fuckwit parents.

I am so sad for you.

BigFatGoalie · 03/03/2018 18:43

I’m so sorry OP. I’d be so upset too. Agree about calling soon so they can retrace their steps before the weather gets even worse.

If they even bother... Sad

DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy · 03/03/2018 18:44

My childhood ted is incredibly precious to me. It's well known in our family that he would be the one possession I'd save in the case of a fire. I know he's only a bear, but to me, he's filled with all my cuddles and tears I shed as a kid, so he's a huge deal.

If anyone took him, I would not rest until he was found, and I probably in all honesty would fall out with the thief.

bettytaghetti · 03/03/2018 18:45

Even my DH who normally rolls his eyes at most things I read to him from mumsnet is furious on your behalf OP! Your SIL needs to retrace her route and do her best to find it asap.

Original poster
MadSister1818 · 03/03/2018 18:45

Tried to ring DB but he’s not picking up. I think I’ll send him an email first, that’s probably better anyway as I’ll be able to say what I need to without interruption.

I do think though (even though I feel like spading her right now) that its very unlikely my SIL meant any harm. The younger DC is a terrible sleeper and I know she and DB have been pretty sleep deprived as a result.

OP posts:
AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 03/03/2018 18:47

Shock Sad

That's so awful! My DH still has a stuffed monkey toy he had as a baby, that is utterly treasured - if someone 'borrowed' it and lost it he would be genuinely distraught (and he almost NEVER cries - has done twice in our 10 years together).

You need to text them (don't ring, you might cry) and tell them to get out and look for it and you are devastated they've lost something of such sentimental value to you.

I'm so sorry OP, your SIL is a shite. Flowers

ohfourfoxache · 03/03/2018 18:47

Sleep deprivation is absolutely no excuse for behaving like a cunt

Nofunkingworriesmate · 03/03/2018 18:48

Nieces should not even have been allowed to touch it
SiL is out of order, brother is evil
I would ring back every day for a month asking if they have found it yet
Post it on face book and email a poster to brother that you expect him to post on all lampposts in a 10 mile radius of where bear may be
Maybe they would get the message ?

AdalindSchade · 03/03/2018 18:48

What the FUCK
No excuses for your SIL. She shouldn't have taken it, end of story. Your DB is just as awful for allowing it.

Sabistick · 03/03/2018 18:48

Forget sil, she's at your house because of your brother. He is responsible for making things better, not laughing. I would withdraw any trust.

BewareOfDragons · 03/03/2018 18:48

THat's outrageous. Completely out of order. They are both completely out of order, your SIL for stealing it for her DD, and your DB for minimizing by laughing and allowing her to take it in the first place. He obviously knew.

FrancisCrawford · 03/03/2018 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WetPaint4 · 03/03/2018 18:49

I would be in bits. And I would raise hell over it.

I don't believe it's lost. How do you lose a bear? Were they on public transport? How can they be so careless and disrespectful with something belonging to you?

Next time you see your sister-in-law, smile sweetly, offer her a 'don't worry' cuddle and blow bubble gum in her hair.

YouTheCat · 03/03/2018 18:49

I've been sleep deprived, as have many of us, and it's never caused me to steal other people's belongings to avoid a tantrum.

Your sil is a twat.

Greyponcho · 03/03/2018 18:50

So the DC wanted it so terribly badly, then hours later didn’t care enough to not lose it? Angry
I’d be furious!

Tired or not, what’s wrong with saying “that’s aunty Sisters teddy, but let’s go and ask if you can borrow him”.

CFs

FrancisCrawford · 03/03/2018 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AcrossthePond55 · 03/03/2018 18:52

I think you're lovely to make excuses for her but taking another person's anything without asking, let alone a childhood toy, is just wrong. I think SiL is headed towards having a spoilt child and she needs to learn to say no, sleep problems or not.

Would you go to SiL's and just take her coat because you forgot yours? Would you pack up her Kitchenaid without asking because you 'need it'. No, of course you wouldn't. Just because it's a child and a toy doesn't make it any less stealing. I'd be livid.

gamerchick · 03/03/2018 18:53

If she didn’t mean any harm she won’t mind retracing her steps then would she?

LagunaBubbles · 03/03/2018 18:53

Why are you making excuses for your SILs awful behaviour? Im sleep deprived. Doesnt turn me into a thief!

HyenaHappy · 03/03/2018 18:53

Oh OP, YANBU to be upset.

Has she at least apologised? She was very out of order to take something without permission regardless of whether she knew how sentimental it was.

Both she and her DD should apologise.

Thistlebelle · 03/03/2018 18:54

I’ve been deeply sleep deprived. Still managed not to steal things from family members.

LagunaBubbles · 03/03/2018 18:54

Very convenient it's "lost to now. Hmm

MrsUnderwood · 03/03/2018 18:56

My husband lost my beloved bear once. We went on a long car journey and he’d put it on the roof of the car. I found out when we got to our destination and I had a proper freak out. We drove home the next day and luckily the bear was on the kerb by our house.
I really hope your SIL pulls out all the stops to find your teddy.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 03/03/2018 18:57

I still have my teddy from when I was a tiny baby. My late Dad bought it for me. I am a pragmatic 54 year old and am welling up at the thought of it getting lost so, no, you're not overreacting and fingers crossed for his safe return.

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