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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be NEVER speak to SIL again?

410 replies

MadSister1818 · 03/03/2018 18:04

DB and SIL came to stay with their 2 DCs 5 and 2.

After they had gone, I noticed my old bear was missing. Looked high and lo but nothing.

Spoke to DB earlier and asked about my bear. Turns out the 5yo had taken a shine to it and asked SIL if she could take it. SIL SAID YES!!!

To make it worse, she only went and bloody lost it on the way home Sad

I’ve had this bear since I was a baby. It was my most trusted companion and confidant throughout my childhood. DB knows this. But he was laughing whilst being apologetic about the whole thing.

I know I’m overreacting and it was just an accident but I am SO upset.

AIBU to never speak to SIL again? (Obviously I will through gritted teeth but right now I feel like having a full on tantrum).

OP posts:
scotchpie · 07/03/2018 07:25

That's so sad, what a cow! Who does that, is your DB scared of her?

InfiniteSheldon · 07/03/2018 07:31

Horrible woma n I'd email your brother and is fun to the shopping center myself and ask if it's been found. I'd also probably never speak to her again and I certainly wouldn't have her in my house

strawberrypenguin · 07/03/2018 07:36

Oh I am sorry OP they sound horrible. I'd never have them round again and limit contact I think. If they haven't even apologised they don't see anything wrong with what they did

SciFiG33k · 07/03/2018 07:42

ifanciedanamechange wow really?
You do sound as horrible as the Ops SIL.

OP I really hope your bear turns up and I'd be furious with my family if they did this and would be going no contact till they returned my stolen property.

CotswoldStrife · 07/03/2018 07:53

ifanciedanamechange are you the SIL? Regardless of being unsentimental, your point of view favours yourself entirely and not the other person that you are hurting. That doesn't really match what you say about people being more important than items. It sounds more like what you want is more important than anyone else's feelings.

Bogmoppit · 07/03/2018 08:04

@PhelanThePain
I really dont think this needs turning into a trans debate. FFS

I have used and heard the term and also the term 'ghastly Male'

I give not a shit if it is grammatically correct or not. In my experience it is used by Margo from The Good Life types - much like my mother (Sorry user of term)

UnimaginativeUser · 07/03/2018 08:07

Wow. So i fancied, if the only thing that had settled DN was the OP’s box of shiny jewellery, they should have been allowed to take it for the sake of “family”?

Of course not, and this bear is as precious to the OP as all the shiny jewellery in the world.

I would be devastated if someone took my childhood bears. In fact, I’m making a mental note to remove them from the spare room before my DNs come to stay. I wouldn’t trust one of them not to think they’d look better on his own bed and sneak it into his bag!

ShatnersWig · 07/03/2018 08:14

Neither DB or SIL would be welcomed back into my house for that. Doesn't matter what the item was, the sense of entitlement that their child can have whatever it wants no matter who it belongs to is just ridiculous. It is like going into a shop and letting child walk out the door with a toy and not paying for it, simply because, like Gollum, it wants it. The fact that this was a cherished possession is worse. That child will grow up to be a spoilt shit.

MissEliza · 07/03/2018 08:26

Just coming to say Op that I totally understand your feelings Op. I also have a bear that has stayed with me through thick and thin! I say have, it's now in my DD's room with one eye missing but that's fine because I chose to pass it on: If on my dc's had done what your db had, it would be without my knowledge or permission and I would be grovelling on all fours to make it up to you.

BelindasRedPlasticHandcuffs · 07/03/2018 08:34

It wasn't malicious, if it was not in your room she probably didn't think twice if the dc was having a melt down.

Ah yes, the old 'oh I'll just steal something from someone else's house for my child' school of parenting...

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/03/2018 08:34

In fairness to Ifancied, her post doesn't sound so much like that of an entitled gobshite, as of someone who has experienced enough sadness to realise that people and family can be more important than things.

However, I could be wrong.

I know that sometimes, when tragedy strikes, people do come to decide that actually nothing matters so much as other people - but if you haven't had that experience yourself, then losing things can still matter enormously.

I live in Australia, and there are enough stories of bushfires taking everything that people own to realise that something of that ilk can leave people grateful that their family survived, even if they lost every single precious possession, so I'm extrapolating from that.

ShatnersWig · 07/03/2018 08:39

Thumb Nothing matters so much as people we care a damn about and who give a damn about us. But I'll take a decades old teddy who has always been there to give me a cuddle when no one else has when I've been going through a hard time than an entitled SIL and shoddy brother who clearly don't give a shit and have no decent boundaries.

Original poster
MadSister1818 · 07/03/2018 08:43

thumb

I have lost several people who meant the world to me.

I still love my bear.

OP posts:
JustVent · 07/03/2018 08:50

OP someone may have found the bear and if it looks old and loved may post it on a fb page.
Could you find the towns fb page and post on there describing it? Some kind soul has bound to have found it.

Bogmoppit · 07/03/2018 09:32

@MadSister1818

They seem to have an all encompassing entitlement.
DB is contemptuous of your feelings and rides rough shod over you talking to him about them.
SIL is one of those parents who thinks that as they have kids, their need and desire trumps other peers without them.

I still think it is a possibility that your niece wants to keep the bear so they are pretending it is lost.

I'm sorry MadSister. I think it is rotten of them - the stealing, the parenting, their attitudes. You absolutely aren't overreacting. At no point have they treated the issue properly. Posters who think this is just about a soft toy are being obtuse. It is about the significance of your lifelong childhood comforter, your brothers arrogant and dismissive attitude and your SIL deeming your property as unimportant and fair game.

Please don't think that having one bad sleeping five year old makes you unable to recognise when you are stealing. Would they go to one of their colleague's or boss's house and take one of their treasured possessions and treat it with such disregard?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/03/2018 10:04

Oh look, I totally agree that the bear is hugely important and I totally agree that SIL and brother are selfish entitled fuckwits of the highest order with empathectomies - not disputing that at all!

Just saying that there might be another reason that IFancied posted the way s/he did, rather than just being another selfish entitled fuckwit with an empathy bypass.

LeighaJ · 07/03/2018 10:08

I have a handmade doll from my early childhood that I feel the same way about. I would be beyond livid if that happened.

Kids take a shine to lots of things it doesn't mean you just give them other people's stuff. Angry

Tyrionsbitch · 07/03/2018 10:17

I would be fuming! I would be tempted to go and get something precious to them (wedding photos or something) and throw them in a deep lake and see how they react. I would only end up regretting it after I had calmed down though... my blood is boiling for you though!

midnightmisssuki · 07/03/2018 10:29

i had a doll. We called her Raggedy Anne - she was a bit of a scruff like me, my now deceased grandfather bought her for me for $5 - alot of money for him back in the day. My mum lost her (maybe even threw her away) when i moved. Ive never got over it. My daugher has a similar doll now - she's Raggedy Anne too. I know to some it might be silly - a grown adult holding on to a doll/a bear/etc - but sometimes - at one point in our life, this 'thing' listened to us where no one would have. This 'thing' might have been our only friend etc. Your DB and SIL fail to understand that - theyre morons - and thiefs!

I hope you find it OP.

Rikalaily · 07/03/2018 10:35

Here's a site were lost and found teddies are posted. There may be others that you can check. I hope you are reunited with teddy soon

posts.whiteboomerang.com/lostteddy/

starryeyed19 · 07/03/2018 11:56

I've actually bought myself a new stuffed animal off the back of this thread.

Grapeeatingweirdo · 07/03/2018 12:31

Awww OP. I really feel for you. Your brother and his wife are cunts

Paleshelter · 07/03/2018 12:44

Madsister I have been following your thread and hoping the bear would be found. I think it's awful how your brother and sil have treated you. My DD has a bear that her father, my husband, bought her as a baby , she sleeps with it every night, although she is now 10. I think she will always be close to it. Please don't think their feelings are more important than yours, my DB and sil don't have children but I would never feel superior to them because I do. I've had problems in the past with someone who have been deliberately nasty to me ( calling my children horrible names out of badness). I was extremely upset and angry but other people thought I was over reacting and couldn't understand the effect on me. Other family members still socialise with this person but I don't and won't ever. Hope this makes sense! I still hope the bear will be found Flowers

MissEliza · 07/03/2018 13:44

Starry I went to check my childhood bear (Little Ted) was still safe in my DD's room, Poor thing was squashed under a dozen Buiild a Bears. He's now safe with me Smile.

Tabymoomoo · 07/03/2018 17:16

Your brother and sil sound very selfish. I would never dream of letting my child take a toy/possession from my sil’s house without asking, but if I had and then my child lost it I would be absolutely mortified, apologising profusely, especially if it was a treasured childhood toy! And I would be doing absolutely everything I could to find it. I can’t believe your sil hasn’t even been in contact??!!!

Some people just have no empathy at all, selfish people will probably also bring their child up to not give a crap about other people’s possessions or feelings.