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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be NEVER speak to SIL again?

410 replies

MadSister1818 · 03/03/2018 18:04

DB and SIL came to stay with their 2 DCs 5 and 2.

After they had gone, I noticed my old bear was missing. Looked high and lo but nothing.

Spoke to DB earlier and asked about my bear. Turns out the 5yo had taken a shine to it and asked SIL if she could take it. SIL SAID YES!!!

To make it worse, she only went and bloody lost it on the way home Sad

I’ve had this bear since I was a baby. It was my most trusted companion and confidant throughout my childhood. DB knows this. But he was laughing whilst being apologetic about the whole thing.

I know I’m overreacting and it was just an accident but I am SO upset.

AIBU to never speak to SIL again? (Obviously I will through gritted teeth but right now I feel like having a full on tantrum).

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 03/03/2018 23:55

It's a total disregard of your feelings and your belongings.
I would be furious too and I don't think they would ever be welcomed into my home again.

Fekko · 04/03/2018 08:19

Well yes but the child took something that wasn’t theirs (then lost it) and the mum allowed this. Why are they teaching that child - take what you want and there are no consequences? The other person is mean/nasty/pathetic if they complain? I wonder what the mum would have said if another child helped themselves in her home and took one of her child’s toys and lost it.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 04/03/2018 09:10

I would put an appeal on FB saying the bear had been stolen and tag in B and SIL. As I would no longer be speaking to them I wouldn’t care what they thought.

Samcro · 04/03/2018 09:42

did ted ever get found?

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 04/03/2018 10:19

If they do contact you ever again always ask them if they've found the bear. Don't let this go.
Also, this isn't just about the bear it is the utter contempt they have for you and your possessions. As if you'd invite someone to take someone else's property from their house.
I don't think this is the first time they have behaved in such a manner, only a bit less obvious about it.

buttercup54321 · 04/03/2018 10:40

Any news on the bear yet? XX

DGRossetti · 04/03/2018 10:48

.

shockthemonkey · 04/03/2018 11:04

The best way you can drive the point home and gain "reasonable" points at the same time is to call SIL and talk to her about how you can join forces to find the bear.

Tell her you would like to plan a half day when you and her together retrace her steps of the journey home, maybe taking DC with you to see if her memory can be jogged.

She really needs to move heaven and earth to try and recover what she stole. Nothing less would be acceptable. Laughing, I'd put that down to nerves and embarrassment (although it would have driven me over the edge, in the circs).

Really hope you find your bear, but fearing that the most that can be salvaged from this situation is that you can get your SIL to take a bit of responsibility here.

iBiscuit · 04/03/2018 11:24

I hope your mum can find a photo of your beloved bear. And that she unleashes hell on your brother.

WickedLazy · 04/03/2018 11:27

Agreed your sil stole from your house! Who does that? Something so sentimental too :(

Hortonlovesahoo · 04/03/2018 11:50

I hope that your brother takes this seriously and then they make an effort to find the bear. Id be horrified if this was me

CAAKE · 04/03/2018 12:09

DH and I each have our favourite childhood bears. YANBU, I'd be very upset to lose mine and so would DH. The shock on his face as I read him this thread!

greenlynx · 04/03/2018 13:54

I wouldn't go no contact, but I would cut down on meetings and would avoid inviting them to your house. They took someone else's possession without asking, 5 years old could do something like this but they are adults!!!!!!
I probably in minority but I completely blame your brother, he knew what the bear means to you and choose ignore your feelings and even laughed. Your SIL did mistake but depending on situation it could be unintentional. But in case of genuine mistake I would expect her to say sorry and give an effort to find your teddy bear. Hope it will be resolved!

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 04/03/2018 14:49

How can it be unintentional to take someone else’s property?

Pumpkintopf · 04/03/2018 15:15

Any news op?

Aslenezorf · 04/03/2018 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StaplesCorner · 04/03/2018 16:20

Jux that is so sad. Bear for you.

CoraPirbright · 04/03/2018 16:51

Oh so their child “took a shine” to your bear so they just allowed her to take it???? I suppose we should thing ourselves lucky the brat didn’t ‘take a shine’ to your engagement ring!!

I would be devastated if someone just waltzed off with my beloved frog so I have everything crossed that the arrogant, selfish gits find your bear and give it back.

CoraPirbright · 04/03/2018 16:52

*think ourselves lucky

Happyland8 · 04/03/2018 16:58

Due to DHs job, we move around a lot so I have left some sentimental things at my parents house. One day on FaceTime, I saw my niece playing with my beloved teddy (Edward) in the background. Even that was enough to frustrate me although I didn't say anything as I knew I was being unreasonable. But you most certainly are not. I'd be livid!

LakieLady · 04/03/2018 17:52

I'm gobsmacked by this. What kind of cheeky fucker helps themselves to other people's stuff just because their child is having a meltdown? Is she some kind of klepto?

That on its own is beyond belief, but then to lose the thing they've stolen and be so bloody cavalier about it takes the fucking biscuit.

I'd help myself to a couple if things of hers, I think. Like her engagement ring, preferably with her finger still in it. And I'd invite them to the house again, but have visible padlocks on all the cupboards and doors and search the Bear Thief when she comes out of the bathroom, just in case she's fancied helping herself to something that wasn't nailed down.

kiwigeekmum · 04/03/2018 19:21

I really hope you get your teddy back somehow OP.

I agree with PP that it doesn't matter what the object actually was - something was taken from your home without permission. This is theft.

This shows a staggering amount of disrespect for you and your home. I'd not be inviting them back for a while, if ever, if they couldn't acknowledge that what they've done is wrong. They owe you (at least) a sincere apology (without laughing or accusing you of overreacting).

ScattyCharly · 04/03/2018 19:38

Wow, disgraceful shitty behaviour from b & sil

Kids are hard work but it’s not a licence to become a thieving, selfish twat.

The very least they could have done was to profusely apologise.

A 5yo understands ownership. Fully. In fact, the average 2yo understands.

Those kids are going to turn into entitled fuckers if their parents continue to allow this sort of shit. Taking anything they fancy Hmm.

I had a friend round from primary school when I was about 6. I remember to this day that she went into my room, picked things up and said “can I have this”. The whole time was awful because I remember not wanting to be mean to her by saying no but she kept trying to take my things. She didn’t want to play. Finally I now realise she must have been brought up by indulgent idiots like your b and Sil. She left in tears because I said she couldn’t have my stuff. It wasn’t even small stuff like hair clips, it was big items like a beanbag Confused.

ScattyCharly · 04/03/2018 19:39

I’d never allow them to stay again. Couldn’t trust them.

GottaGetThisDone · 05/03/2018 17:53

Any news on the bear yet OP?