Childbirth - Anyone NEVER doing it again? *Title Edited by MNHQ*

[cheshiremama89]

Childbirth that is...

Had DS a month ago tomorrow and the labour was the most horrendous experience I've ever been through.

Even my mum who has had 5 children described it as traumatic.

After a horrible birth, 4 days in hospital and a tough first month of self injecting, iron tabs, antibiotics, compression stockings and constipation I can quite safely say that I won't be doing it again.

Fave program used to be One Born Every Minute, now I can't bear the thought of it.

Thinking about the experience makes me very emotional and I'm looking forward to it being a distant memory.

Has anyone else felt the same? Gotten over it? Done it again?!?'

have you talked about counselling with your midwife
lots of women have ptsd after birth and it's more recognised now ...
talk to midwife
health visitor and when you feel
up to
it contact your local sure start centre to find out what groups they run and what support you can get .
don't feel alone

I must be very odd as I thought it was the most amazing experience in the world. I have 3 little ones, would love more, but DH says I'm not allowed

Childbirth is the second most likely time to die apart from when you are born for women, it is a life changing experience. I dread each birthday and haven't forgotten the pain or problems but with counselling, an appointment to go through your birth notes when you are ready and time things get easier to cope with.

So sad to read so many horror stories of difficult labours. I agree with some of the pp's who are angry that nobody warned them in advance - it was all hippy dippy "natural childbirth" stuff at their classes, and women are right to feel very let down when they suffer unexpected complications, severe pain, or emergency deliveries. As a (now retired) anaesthetist, I was often called to put epidurals into exhausted and disillusioned mothers, who had been labouring in pain for hours, and who felt they had "failed" because they hadn't managed to cope naturally with no medical intervention, and who never imagined that the pain would be so severe.
I know that midwives and ante natal teachers don't want to put the fear of God into pregnant women, but I think it's high time they were realistic about what can happen.
If you needed major surgery, you would never say you wanted to go through it with no anaesthesia, preferably at home with no emergency back up, would you? So why on earth do people push this for childbirth?
No labour is straightforward until it is over - you cannot predict a lot of the potentially lethal complications, and I think we should be far more honest about the level of pain involved.
I had two "normal" deliveries for my own babies, but the first was very sore (OP position, so severe back pain), and the second resulted in an almost dead baby who spent a week in SCBU convulsing with a brain haemorrhage and initially was not expected to survive, despite being 8lbs, full term, and a rapid labour with no sign of fetal distress.
(She is now a healthy adult, btw!)
I think we need better education antenatally, so mothers can make properly informed choices about a)the safest place to deliver and b)the sort of pain relief they will need. And to stop them having airy fairy notions that it will all be sweetness and light. Birth is brutal and potentially fatal - we tend to gloss over that because in the UK we have such good medical back up for when it all goes horribly wrong.

I hated my first pregnancy as I was sick as a dog in the first few months and then the pain of childbirth was horrendous. I am only small and the physical trauma of it was overwhelming. Nevertheless, I felt the firstborn needed a sibling and vowed to get it over and done with asap. Number two was worse. I was so sick I was hospitalised and pumped full of drugs (lovely). The birth was longer but did not seem quite as bad and I had a girl which was my fervent prayer all through. Both times I bled when I fed the babies and had to go on bottle feeding almost immediately and then suffered all the sanctimonious disapproval of other ‘proper’ mums. I came home with the second baby with a hospital infection and spent days completely on cloud nine due to fever and more drugs.

Do I regret it? Well, I love my children, now grown up, more than I ever thought possible, so no.

But never believe those mums who say pregnancy is a cakewalk. No wonder two in a hundred births ended in the death of the mother in the old days. It’s horrible, painful and dangerous.

But then you get the baby which is a miracle.

I said this. My first birth was 48 hours of horror and I was very upset for a long time afterwards. Baby number two was a surprise! The birth was much much better but still painful - I was googling "female sterilisation" the night I had her 😂

Not to belittle your thoughts but I think this is quite normal. And I think in my case I turned a corner and thought "I've done it once I can do it again." And I think that's what gets you through.

You have every right to be upset and you need to deal with that and complain if necessary to help you make peace with it. I believe you can ask for a debrief with the head midwife.

I also had a traumatic birth. TBH it's had the opposite effect and made me want to go through pregnancy again to sort of "correct" the bad experience even though I'd be terrified to have another section.

Also some people get a doula to support in their second after a bad experience. I didn't but I have friends that did and say it was great to have an advocate.

So many lovely posts, thank you all for being so kind, sending love to those who also had a shit time!

I can tell DH doesn't think it's that bad, he jokingly said "new series of one born every minute starts soon, you should watch it it might make you feel better"

I honestly can't think of anything worse, if I could have my memory wiped I would, I want to act like it never happened x

I had a ver y rough first birth. 4the degree tear with no pain meds. At the time I felt empowered, but when pregnant with number 2 I realised how terrified I was about it. I ended up having a panned c-section for number 2 as I couldn't handle the fear of birth again. It even caused bonding issues with no. 2, and pnd. No. 3 was a planned c-section because the doctors said it wasn't safe to try vbac as the scar tissue from no. 1 was too bad and in danger of tearing again and not healing.

You can always see a therapist to talk out your feelings, and if you can't overcome the fear of natural childbirth again c-section is entirely different.

My birth traumatised me for months, I had flashbacks, really bad anxiety and used to wake up in the night unable to breathe.

Fell accidentally pregnant 4 months PP and it ended in a mc which made me not want to get pregnant ever again (the fear of mc and traumatic birth)

I'm now 18 months PP and pregnant again and I'm in a great place, can't wait to have another little one but I'm adamant I don't want labour - I ended up with an emergency section and I'm planning one this time.

If you're really traumatised look up the birth trauma trust and deffo get a birth de brief!

After a lovely pregnancy I had a traumatic birth that had left me with PND and have hated pretty much every minute of having a newborn. I'd do the birth part again despite the trauma but I'm not sure I could ever go through that first month again. But maybe if I didn't have PND I'd feel differently.

Cheshiremama dh was the same...in the delivery room he turned round and said he couldn't wait for the next one despite what he'd witnessed and standing with 5 staff all covered head to toe in blood.

If I try to talk to him about my concerns he simply replies at least your both ok. He seems to not notice the constant agony I am in.

I don't know if it's their way of dealing with things or what but it's not helpful...he is better when I 'remind' him. If you can find someone to just listen to your experience.

@Cheshiremama89
I had my son 4 months ago and we both had sepsis, had an emergency section under anthestetic and spent he spent time in NICU.
Took me until now to bond with my little one and I have spoke to my GP and do go to CBT therapy as I kept having disturbing flashbacks and such like.
I've told my OH if we have more children we are adopting because I am never going through that again. You never know in a few years I may feel differently but right now... No thank you.
I just took everyday as it came and my counselling made me feel a lot better and help file away the awful memories.
Enjoy lots of cuddles with your little one while they are so little!

Although that said, while my birth was traumatic it was the period post-birth that was worse (emergency surgery immediately afterwards during which the spinal started to wear off and I vomited over my own face uncontrollably as they lifted and held my womb outside my body - I still shudder when I remember how it felt, no skin to skin, didn't see the baby for hours, nobody recognised the baby's failure to latch due to her small tongue / my breasts size, baby got dehydrated and ended up in A&E and had to switch to FF, took eight visits from eight different midwives to recognise that I was suicidal due to the PND etc etc) - the actual birth wasn't anywhere near as bad as some of these stories.

I said the same after my labour, it was lovely. Not. but DD is 8 months now & I would definitely like #2 at some point. I know the labour will be horrible again (probably) but they're so worth it... she's growing up so fast & I know I'll want another to satisfy that baby pang as she gets older!!

I have one child. I’ll never have another. I had a borderline 3rd degree tear and the surgeon said to the midwife “you’ll be ok with this”. She wasn’t ok with it. I felt the whole thing. Have had operations since to correct the procedure but not enough to be normal down there. Never again

@Babdoc Great post. I couldn't agree more!

I can totally relate to what you are saying, I knew in a flash I would never be able to go through it again as soon as it was over. I was in that much agony that I was literally convulsing and my head was repeatedly and uncontrollably hitting the side of the birthing pool, I eventually gave up trying not to scream, as it was impossible not to, it was coming out like a reflex action like when you vomit. there was a couple of points where I struggled to keep my head above the water as the violence of the pain was moving my body about uncontrollably. The midwives repeatedly refused my requests for pain relief throughout the entire labour as it was still apparently too early.....she then shot out. For days after, all up the back of my head and neck felt like it had been hit with a baseball bat! 4 years later, I am never going back.

I can completely relate to you OP!!! My first labour lasted 26 hours, was back to back, and I needed an episiotomy and stitches as well. He didn’t sleep through until he was 6 months old too, and also hated sleep and loved to cry. I got post natal depression. My second was 20 hours, back to back, and after going all the way by myself, without needing to be induced, he got stuck and I needed a c section. They are 13 and 9 now, even though I have been broody for a girl (they are two boys) I still have no desire to have anymore!!!! I don’t blame you, and remember it is your choice and your choice alone, don’t let anyone tell you any different!!

Yep, 3 day labour and I never got to pushing stage. Had a EMCS for a distressed baby and I ended up back in hospital with infection in a large bleed from ripping my internal stitches leading to Spesis. Not counting the small time at home in between DD was 11 days old when we properly got home.

DD is now nearly two and I am desperate to be pregnant again.

I think you need to talk it through with a specialist counsellor or mother and baby group. My first was a last minute emergency caesarean as she was (undetected) back to back and got stuck - forehead presenting towards the end of delivery. She was so far down the birth canal that pulling her back via caesarean was not great and she was flat upon eventual delivery but thankfully fine within 3 mins of Drs working on her. The longest 3 mins of my life. She’s 16 now and out tonight with her mates fir a pizza. But it was emotionally and physically traumatic and I didn’t even reslise until I spoke up at a mother and baby group 3 mths later and I felt like a huge grey clod had been lifted from me. Nos 2, 3 yrs later was a forceps delivery and I remember saying to hubby ‘what the fu*k was that?’. He said it was like a scene from Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs all mixed up and I was in bits. 5 yrs later I had nos 3 and I suppose it was ok. If u r traumatised by the birth (which in reality is not surprising) then talk to someone, don’t let yourself head into depression over it xxx

Horrendous back to back ventouse delivery 16 years ago. Lost over 1000mls blood, on gas and air all night post-birth, such was the extent of the injury I suffered. Had to be manually pummelled (no other word for it) to stop the severe haemorrhaging. Severe anaemia for weeks afterwards. Midwives at the time said ‘everyone says never immediately after delivery, but they always return’.

Never had anymore children as both DH and I immediately said ‘never, ever again’ and we never changed our minds. We were traumatised for months afterwards and it ruined our time with our new baby.

We adore our DD, but both she and I were lucky to be alive and we just couldn’t face enduring that again.

Both DH and I have pangs for a second but the labour was just too traumatic for both us.

I had my DS 4 months ago and I feel exactly like this - diabetic pregnancy with insulin injections 5 times a day, 3 days in hospital for steroids, induced at 34 weeks took 6 days to get waters broken then emergency forceps and a massive cut followed by 5 days in hospital - NEVER AGAIN