Childbirth - Anyone NEVER doing it again? *Title Edited by MNHQ*

[cheshiremama89]

Childbirth that is...

Had DS a month ago tomorrow and the labour was the most horrendous experience I've ever been through.

Even my mum who has had 5 children described it as traumatic.

After a horrible birth, 4 days in hospital and a tough first month of self injecting, iron tabs, antibiotics, compression stockings and constipation I can quite safely say that I won't be doing it again.

Fave program used to be One Born Every Minute, now I can't bear the thought of it.

Thinking about the experience makes me very emotional and I'm looking forward to it being a distant memory.

Has anyone else felt the same? Gotten over it? Done it again?!?'

I should add that I didn’t meet DD for 16 hours as she and I were so poorly. I had a Polaroid picture of a very grumpy baby to refer to until we were reunited!

We were in hospital for a week, she was kept in NICU. We had daily midwife visits for one month after we went home, due to the severity of the damage to my body and the poor state of both of us.

Really wish we’d followed it up with the hospital as so many things went wrong. Our community midwife suggested we file a complaint, but we were just too tired, overwhelmed and traumatised to do so.

Yep, I definitely said "NEVER again" for months after DC1. DC2 is asleep on me now (sloppy contraception 'scuse pun wouldn't have been brave enough to make that decision consciously). The first birth/post natal experience just isnt as raw now. I think DC's birth helped with that in a funny sort of way although I was obviously dreading it.
Sorry, I haven't read all replies but you've been given lots of good advice. Just be kind to yourself and enjoy your time with your new baby. You are still healing and recovering and finding your way as a mummy. The whole thing is overwhelming. Keep talking about it to people that understand and give yourself time. Never say never and all that. Even if you don't go to have more children, the experience may become more distanced. The good times will start to outweigh the memory of the delivery.
And, despite having a lovely second birth, I now hate watching One Born. No Thanks, not now that I know what they are going through. I've done it twice, don't want to relive it via the tv thanks!

I had an easy pregnancy, found out at 27 weeks easy, easy birth, 3 hours and i was done
And i still refuse to ever have another, dd is 8 in a week
I hated labour and birth, due to other issues it made my anxiety and phobias over hospitals go into overdrive, was treated like crap by the hospital and have no desire to put myself in that position again
I barely survived the newborn stage mentally

Same here. After trying for 4 years and 2 rounds of ivf I was finally pregnant... with twins! Had a lovely and easy pregnancy but my babies were born premature which led to a transfer to a hospital over 2 hours away and a 2 week stint in the hospital for all 3 of us. I love my two but could never go through that again.

Horrendous first birth, the pain was so bad I thought it would be impossible for me to survive such pain. I then had flashbacks, and undiagnosed pnd for 2 years. But I still went on to have DC2, 4 years later, and I had a much better experience as for some reason the pain was less and I felt more in control.

However, I quite like watching OBEM as 18 years later I have now had a hysterectomy and I can watch it with a sense of relief that I will never have to do it again!

I'm not doing it again! 🙋‍♀️ no-one believed me but 4 years on I still think no fucking way.I adore my son but I will never go through an experience like labour again.Horrific.I still feel stressed thinking or talking about it

Well I can’t do it again due to age but even though DS1 was bloody agony I did really want a second and eventually managed to have DS2. I did chip a tooth with my last labour as I was biting down on the gas and air so hard but other than that I suppose physically the only other issue I’ve beeb left with is internal piles.

Never say never OP. Let the dust settle and see how you feel in a few years time 💐

Lovely glowy pregnancy. Horrendous birth. Horrendous.

DS is 6yo. We are never having another. Never.

Be kind to yourself

I had low expectations of childbirth and was prepared to take any painkillers available. Although I planned a hospital water birth I realised things might not go to plan so when the birth went wrong I was more than happy to be wheeled in for an emergency C section.

During the birth I did think 'never again' but by the time dc1 was a toddler she was completely irresistible and I wanted another. Dc2 was a planned C section due to illness. I don't remember much about the pain involved in either birth which I suppose is nature's way of ensuring women have more than one child.

I do think NCT classes can encourage unrealistic expectations. When I took dc1 to a NCT class to talk about her birth some of the women expected me to feel a failure for not having had a natural birth. (I was just delighted dc survived and that help had been at hand.) I wonder if feelings of failure following a non perfect birth make it even harder for women to adjust to being new mums.

My dcs are 18 and 16 now and their births are a distant memory. When I think about their lives I think of all the wonderful moments between then and now. Enjoy your new baby and see how you feel in future - you are allowed to pat yourself on the back for getting through.

Incidentally both my dcs went straight onto the breast the moment they were born and fed naturally. I say this only because I had been told a C section baby won't breast feed, which clearly isn't always the case.

babdoc well said. That’s the best post on here & explains why so many of us were traumatised afterwards.

I'm in the never again camp too.
DD was induced, the pessary worked but they gave me a drip anyway "to hurry up and get this baby out", ended up with a horrific forceps delivery, a 3rd degree tear and so much blood loss I collapsed afterwards.
DD is worth everything, and in the grand scheme of things we are very lucky, but I'm completely traumatised almost 2 years down the line.
I don't see the point in therapy, as what's done is done and we both made it out alive which is the point, so I don't feel I've much to come to terms with. But I will never forgive the doctor who talked me into the drip, or any of the doctors actually. Definitely won't be taking any more chances!

Midwives at the time said ‘everyone says never immediately after delivery, but they always return’.

That's what mine said. I haven't.

If I had I wouldn't have gone back there, most of the staff were lovely, but I felt completely unsupported by the midwives on the delivery suite who did the ARM, and no-one ever bothered to tell me who my consultant was.

One of the SCBU nurses was a complete cow who appeared to take against me because I hadn't expressed overnight and then everything I did was wrong. Nobody had mentioned expressing, and having spent the day screaming in agony, being pumped full of drugs, giving birth, then having an episiotomy and third degree tear stitched up in theatre before being taken to the HDU after midnight to spend the night away from my baby who I was convinced was going to die and nobody was going to tell me (my trust in the staff was a bit shaken at this point and I wasn't exactly thinking straight) while also feeling stunned and empty and wishing I'd never done any of it, expressing was not something I was going to think of on my own.

I feel the same OP. DD is 6mo but whenever I think of her birth I still feel emotional. I felt shocked and traumatised after she was born, I knew it obviously wasn't going to be a walk in the park but I found it utterly brutual. I had SPD early on in my pregnancy and had to have physio all the time, and then at 37 weeks I got Bells Palsy and lost all feeling in the left hand side of my face and mouth, couldn't smile or laugh properly, and whenever I ate or drink it dribbled out of that side as I couldn't control the muscles, as well as horrible tinnitus in my left ear

Then DD came a week early, I was in labour for 28hrs in the end, was finally admitted to the labour ward at nearly 7cm dilated as they just wouldn't believe that I was ready to come in, I had 3 different midwives over the course of it, all of which had totally different midwifing styles. They wouldn't break my waters until I was around 8cm dilated, they wouldn't do an epidural until hours in, at which point I was so far in that it didn't work at all, I can't inhale properly so gas and air didn't do much either. I was pushing for over 3 hours and was so exhausted that I literally had to beg for help - I know that sounds so dramatic but they just kept saying ooh let me check with the consultant etc. I actually thought I was going to die. I feel so dramatic writing that but I truly did - I had absolutely no energy after that long and DD was nowhere near crowning, I was in so much pain with no relief and I just gave up and laid there crying just begging for it to stop. My DP and DM (who did it 6 times!) were shocked and upset and in the end my partner went a bit mad and got the consultant in quicker, consultant was shocked that I was still there in that state and rushed me in to theatre where luckily I only had to have forceps and not a c-section.

We then had to stay in hospital for 5 days as DD was admitted to NICU with sepsis. She was asleep with me on the maternity ward that night after monitoring her vitals all day and then they came in at around 1am and just took her away for a lumber puncture, I was in a daze like wtf is going on. Aftercare in NICU was brilliant after DD was admitted, maternity ward not so much, I bonded well with DD but waited so long for breastfeeding help that it all felt a bit lost and no one seemed bothered when I packed it in in my emotional state a few days in. I felt truly awful but they just took the equipment for pumping for DD in NICU away at first mention of me giving up and that was that. I just needed a little bit more support but I understand that they're a busy hospital with other patients there too. Thankfully DD is now absolutely fine.

Post birth I had to do my own injections for a couple of weeks because of the blood loss, I have basically no pelvic floor, the tear was horrible, the wee and wind incontinence is only just starting to feel somewhere near better and I feel like everything is going to fall out sometimes, to the point where it's painful it all feels so so different down there and I feel like I'm struggling with any form of intimacy with DP even though he's been brilliant throughout and with DD.

I think I'm such a strong person normally, I'm not a hypochondriac or one to give in to illness etc but my god I felt so helpless and traumatised during it all. I came out of hosp with DD and for a few weeks felt the shock of it all but then I just plunged myself into being a mum to her, I tried to blank it all out and it's only just starting to really hit me properly now 6 months on. DD is absolutely fab and I've always wanted lots of children, being from a big family, but I don't know if I could go through that again.

I'm not moaning about it, I'm totally proud of myself for doing it and dealing with it, but I wish there was out there about the reality of it and more aftercare help too. I've just found out about the debrief and that I can request my notes, which I think I'm going to do. I've been thinking for the last few weeks that I think I need to talk to someone about it as I've been getting more anxious and clingy and not myself, it's all I can think about.

I'm sorry this has been so long OP, but thank you for starting the thread as it has been a bit therapeutic for me writing this all down and sharing it finally. Congrats to you and you're doing amazing, be kind to yourself whilst you recover and remember you're entitled to your feelings whatever they may be

Reading this post sounded exactly like my last labour with my 3rd baby. My labour was fine itself (very quick. Just under 3 hours) but the problems came straight after when I wouldn't stop bleeding... it was about 4 hours later the doctors discovered I had a bit of placenta stuck so my uterus wouldn't move down (midwifes was adamant all the placenta had come out). I gave birth at 2:48pm on a Saturday and I finally came out of surgery at 9:20pm that night. I've never admitted this to anyone but I thought that was the end for me and I would never get to say bye and tell my girls how much I loved them .I ended up losing 3.2 litres of blood and I was finally aloud home on the Tuesday. I had to inject myself and take iron tablets for 6 weeks and I'll admit now I was terrified when I had my 1st period after giving birth as I was scared I would just pour out with blood again but thankfully it was normal for me. I've got 3 girls and when I was pregnant with my 3rd I told my husband I would like 1 more after as I didn't want odd numbers (I know that sounds weird) plus I wanted my 3rd to have someone close to her age as my middle child is 6 but after having her I'm scared of falling pregnant again as I'm worried next time I won't make it and I can't put my husband and 3 girls through that.

I felt the same. Awful pregnancy awful labour 4 day induction. Went in Sunday had 24 hour pessary started contracting every 2 mins. Followed the next day by 2 x 6 hour gels still contracting 2 mins not dilating. Waters broken manually on Tuesday evening and put on hormone drip. Had to wait 4 hours for someone to be available t do my epidural inwas in agony and not even pethadine or gas and air touched me.

Pushed for 2 and a half hours. No.joy. theatre failed forceps and emergency c section.

Come home infected incision antibiotics to clear. Blood thinning injections. Stockings. Whole shabam.

She is 3 months old now and I want another one 😂😂 when she goes to school full time lol

Will also add my 1st and 2nd labours went smoothly... 1st was a very long 54 hours from start to finished but no complications and took her home the next night. 2nd was only 5 and half hours and again no complications and was home by lunch time next day. And honestly my 3rd labour was fine too and again a quick labour. But it was what happened after that has put me off from ever getting pregnant again. My daughter is only 9 weeks but I can guarantee no matter how much in the future I would want to hold a new born I will never get pregnant again

Yeah it'll be alright. It's been nearly a year and I still can't watch OBEM though. The music infuriates me. Plinky plonky ooh look at the silly pregnant women and the cute babies music. They're so sweet screaming their little heads off. Aww third degree tears haha!

And don't even get me started on hypnobirthing and NCT and how childbirth should be a natural empowering wonderful experience SHITE.

It's fucking painful and women should be prepared for that

I have to say the birth was not too bad and I got away with a few internal stitches but the bit I hated was the baby crying a lot in the night. I just did not know why or what to do after feeding, winding, changing nappy and cuddling especially as baby did not cry in day just seemed to do so at night.

Midwives at the time said ‘everyone says never immediately after delivery, but they always return’

I heard this too and it just isn’t true. The MW never see the women too traumatised or damaged to have another child because, by definition, they never need the services of a MW again.

I think that all MW should have to do a training stint accompanying the surgeons who have to cobble together a pelvic floor for women with significant birth damage and with counsellors picking up the mental health pieces.

Yes. First labour was horrific. Both DD and I ended up in hospital for a week being treated with the after effects and both of us developed infections. 56 external/internal stitches from emergency Vontouse. Terrible undiagnosed PND that I am sure was encouraged by the labour and didn’t realise until 9 months when I had a mental breakdown.
I went on to do it four more times and now have 5DC. 3 of those were hypnobirthed in pool at home.

Oh and the injections I had were blood thinning ones

I totally understand OP - said the same for a while after DC1. The notion you forget the pain once they're in your arms defo wasn't true for me! I'm usually quite brave but that labour was the most hideous experience of my life and if someone had said I'd have to endure the exact same one again I'd never have had DC2. However time definitely does blur the memory and DC2 was born 2 years later via unexpected c section which by comparison was a doddle! 👍

I honestly think that in 50 years time the majority of births will be via c section. Much safer for mum and baby.

Awful birth with DC1. 36 hours, left to push alone with DH for an hour as they were short staffed, DH told to encourage me to push as hard as I could and shout for a midwife if he could see baby 😲. Forceps, failed epidural, retained placenta, prolapse diagnosed 6 weeks post partum.

DC2 was unplanned and we discussed termination because neither of us could face it again. My nether regions had fallen out so badly my bladder and bowel rubbed when I walked. We hired an independent midwife, she cost £3k which was a huge expense to us, but she was also a qualified hypnobirthing practitioner and I think, during our hypnosis sessions she somehow removed all my fear, allowing me to go into delivering DC2 without the fear. I had a very easy birth with DD and somehow, although I remember DC1's awful birth, I feel a bit disassociated from it.