Childbirth - Anyone NEVER doing it again? *Title Edited by MNHQ*

[cheshiremama89]

Childbirth that is...

Had DS a month ago tomorrow and the labour was the most horrendous experience I've ever been through.

Even my mum who has had 5 children described it as traumatic.

After a horrible birth, 4 days in hospital and a tough first month of self injecting, iron tabs, antibiotics, compression stockings and constipation I can quite safely say that I won't be doing it again.

Fave program used to be One Born Every Minute, now I can't bear the thought of it.

Thinking about the experience makes me very emotional and I'm looking forward to it being a distant memory.

Has anyone else felt the same? Gotten over it? Done it again?!?'

My first labour and birth were horrendous. I have a heart defect, the OB and drs did not consult as they should have with my cardiologists. As a result my birth almost caused me permanent cardiac damage which would have left me unable to have anymore children and changed my future outlook considerably.

I swore I'd never do it again immediately after but as we found out the extent of the consequences the more I realised I really wasn't done. The thought of not being able to have a second child devastated me. I was cleared to have more children and I did so under a specialist team the second time. My labour and birth were amazing. I came out of it feeling like a rockstar and I really wanted to do that again.

As it turned out though, I won't be ever giving birth again. Despite a clear smear pre second pregnancy, I got cervical cancer during my second pregnancy and have had to have a hysterectomy.

Definitely consider talking to someone. My first birth still upsets me to think/talk about. Trauma from birth is real, but it is still possible to have more and be ok. X

I had an awful birth with my dd, she's almost 2 and I still get upset whenever I think about it. There is a lot of pain and bitterness surrounding it for me. I definitely don't want another child, I never want to go through any of it again. I had a debriefing at the hospital, but unfortunately it didn't help me at all. I'm pretty sure I had Pnd up until she was almost one, but I never went to a doctor about it.
I'm really glad to see that a lot of other people went onto have a much more positive experience the second time around though.

OPs first post was me after the birth of my first. I even told all the midwives "never again" as I left the hospital. But I was back for baby 2 to be born just 18 months later!
Time definately helps, and I'd always wanted more than 1 child but I was definately put off for at least 6 months the first time round.
Had a planned c section with baby 2 which helped massively because I knew that the due date and labour wouldn't be so out of my control. Knowing I wouldn't behaving to have any contractions second time helped too!

The birth of my first DC was so awful. I was terrified for his life! And then my own. It was very chaotic and suddenly lots of people in the room, rushing me to the emergency room, no time to explain what was happening. I was beside myself. I, like you, was tearful every time I thought of it. For 2 years!! I think I had PTSD but they never asked me about that, or did any check on my emotional state, apart from post natal depression. Which I definitely didn’t have. Anyway, I knew I wanted more children. I was offered a C sec because of the previous complications. DH was adamant I should accept but I wanted to have a ‘normal’ calm birth to write over the previous memory! My DD was born safely, with just one midwife there. I had no need of drugs. It was only 3 or 4 hours. Very calm. Home later that day. It was exactly how you would hope a birth to be. It has put to rest the hideous experience of my DS’s birth. I’m not planning on any more now. Not because of worries about the birth, but because 2 DC is as many as I can cope with!!! You don’t have to decide now xx

I also had pnd after the first, and had to come off ADs when I found out I was pregnant again. But luckily I've been fine since. I think having pregnancy hormones in my body again helped to 're- balance' me.

I had one of the births from hell, long labour, baby went into troubled breathing so had to have a ventouse, and that split every part of my nether regions. I was then told the placenta had calcified and I needed an emergency operation or I would heamorage to death,whizzed straight off without more than a glance at the baby.
Several blood transfusions later, and a lot of mental trauma, I was sterilised as I knew I could not go through it again.
I have never regretted that decision, 22 years on.

Does anyone know when you actually get offered the counselling? I went to the GP (crying) desperate to find out how I can forget what happened. She referred me for a debrief saying that the staff need to hear my feedback.... But what about me? Do you get offered counselling after the debrief? It's good to give the feedback I know, it will help the staff, but it would be nice if I could get some help too!

Bless you op and congratulations. You’ve gone through and still going through a lot after childbirth.

Something I was told: you will forget all the bad, at least enough that you will want another! Although I wasn’t able to have another, the pain I went through that lasted long after childbirth, has dimmed and I now remember more the euphoria of being a mother.

Hang in there!

I always said the same after my DS1 was born. 29.5 hours of sheer painful hell, preeclampsia and an EMCS with 6 nightmare days in hospital. I was adamant. Roll on 12 years and a new partner and along came DS2. Different birth entirely! Totally textbook and really fast. Definitely not doing it again though! Lol

I was never doing it again! I’m now on my third

After 4 premature forceps births, i'm definite done. Dh had to go for the snip twice before it worked.

DD is 8 months old. I had a horrific birth with operations and complications afterwards. Couldn't give birth naturally again if I wanted to. My pregnancy was awful and I really did not enjoy the newborn stage.
Don't get me wrong DD is (now) the best thing to ever happen to me but I am 8 months down the line and I am NEVER going to go through it again. Never. I'm happy with my lot. I don't want to push it (no pun intended)
Before I got pregnant I always intended to have two. Totally changed my mind. I also feel traumatised from the whole experience (pregnancy and birth) I wake up most nights from having nightmares about it.

Me. I'm not doing it again. I had no 'halo effect' so haven't forgotten what it was like. It was a terrible experience and nearly five years later I remember it all too clearly.

I would have considered a second child bit have been told repeatedly that I couldn't choose a section over induction if it was necessary and the thought of being induced again makes me feel sick. Even without that I had a difficult pregnancy with horrendous sickness that in hindsight may have been HG, all be it at the 'milder' end, and the thought of going through that again is horrendous as well.

Absolutely never doing it again. I'm satisfied with just the one!

The pregnancy was hell
The birth was hell
The post-birth recovery was hell
Breastfeeding was hell
The sleep deprivation was hell
The PND / PTSD was hell
The SIDS anxiety was hell
The colic and reflux was hell
The loss of my identity was hell
The loneliness was hell
The impact it had on my relationship with DH was hell

Don't get me wrong, my child is my life, my world and my everything. I don't regret him. We've overcome it all (and continue to do so!) But I didn't know then what I know now.

DH would like more DCs but I just can't go through it again. I'm not the glowy, radiant Mother Earth type and none of it came naturally or easy to me.

I know my limits, and one child is it!

I didn't see it coming AT ALL. I just feel naive now. I had a great pregnancy, spent hours preparing a hypnobirth, thought I'd be on my birthing ball or bobbing around in the pool. Nothing went to plan. Nothing. We both nearly died. I ended up having an emergency c-section and my heart nearly gave out... they injected me with something... adrenilin maybe... I went into some sort of weird shock... and the pain after that - fuck me - (gallons and gallons of water and blood shooting out of a tear in my scar for weeks afterwards). It was awful. I felt like a proper dick at the two-page birthing plan I wrote full of hippy-dippy, yoghurt-knitting, dolphin-singing malarky. I thought acupuncture would get me through the pain. I don't think I'll be able to do it again. She was worth it. I was so scared she would die. I've only just stopped talking about it. SHe's six months old now. I still can't feel my belly. It's all numb. My mum was with me... and I don't think she's over it. In some ways, it was worse for her. She was left for an hour on her own and really did assume we were both gonners. Nope, one child is going to have to be enough for me!

I had horrendous first birth
7 weeks in hospital with PE
induced at 38 weeks which took 3 days, 24 hours in labour .DS finally born in theatre after failed ventuese in case forceps didnt work. Forceps worked , poor ds had a black eye and cone shaped head.Lost lot of blood afterwards as well and spent another 4 days in hospital.

However exactly 2 years later dd was born at 37 weeks, 4 hours from waters breaking to birth and felt almost euphoric afterwards. Went home next morning.

Sacroiliac hip dysfunction during pregnancy, 36 hour active labour with 9lb 13oz back to back baby who was stuck solid, eventually ending in an emergency c-section trying to pull a stuck baby back up the birth canal, borderline blood transfusion, horrible stay in hospital which culminated in me signing myself and Ds out against Drs advice. DS2 was born by planned section 13 months later....was told by the surgeon that the previous c section scar would never have held during the trial of labour that they wanted.

Never did it again though! :o

Me. It was hell. I said never again and I meant it. He's nearly 19 now and I never forgot it as everyone says you do. And if I had my time again, I'd say never at all, not even once.

My first labour was horrendous, but the second he popped out, I felt utterly elated and knew I would do it again if I could.
We had already agreed to just have two, but after DD's birth, which was again utterly horrendous, I did say thank fuck I don't ever have to do that again.
That said, if I could have my time again I'd still do it twice, despite all the agony, as they are well worth it. Imaginary third child is not worth it though! :D

Sympathies OP - it's horrific isn't it?

It took me over a year to even contemplate having sex again. And I'd decided that I'd only have another child if I could have an ELCS. We had money saved for house restorations which we would have spent on private care had I not been granted one on the NHS - luckily I got my NHS one (which frankly was repayment after my first experience.)

Try to get some mental health support and also speak up about any ongoing healing/pain issues. Post-birth women are just fobbed off with 'that's how it is post-birth' unless you're really persistent about needing help/pain relief/whatever.

I still have PTSD from my first birth and ongoing physical symptoms 8 years later - please please fight for the care you need as soon as you can.

Congratulations on your new baby, and my commiserations on your horrible birth experience.

I can only say that my first was difficult (but nowhere near as horrific as yours), my second much, much easier, and my third like shelling peas. For you, and any others who may decide to try again, I sincerely hope your experiences go the same way.

I had a terrible labour too and then had to stay in hospital for 5 days with my newborn as a ftm stuck behind curtains worried my son was really ill and no idea wtf I was doing. Awake all night feeding and terrified to sleep in the day in case something happened. It took me ages to get over it all and used to joke about ptsd but I really was traumatised buy the whole thing.my son is now 5 months old and he worst of it is over and I actually make jokes about it now. I adore my son but I’m happy for him to be an only child.

I had a hg pregnancy followed by 3 days of contractions at 3 minutes apart consistently. Baby stuck in the wrong position resulting in lost heart rate, emergency failed ventouse and rotational forceps and hip injury.

During pregnancy I swore I'd never do it again and after the birth I would not let anyone touch me...so much so that even with an infected episiotomy I ended up putting salt in it instead of seeing someone.

8months on and I am just starting to accept touch from my husband and get physical issues addressed (incontinence, pain etc)

A debrief really helped explain why things happened the way they did and I now feel that should I do it again I will know more to push harder for what I need and not always listen to the midwives.

I really want to have another baby and prove to myself that I can do it but having felt sick the other day and panicking I don't think I'm quite ready yet but it's still early days.

I'm so sorry you've had such a shit time, I don't think you forget but time is a great healer and how you feel now will not last forever, however my personal experience is that getting answers has helped the healing process.

I would rather shit in my hands and clap than do "natural" childbirth ever again!
After a terrifying induction and traumatic 1st ds was born.... I had PTSD waited 11 yrs to get pg again and had an amazing planned csection with ds2. Ds3 was a very scary emergency csection after the cord was round his neck. Never ever again

What i hated the most and stull makes my blood boil was the hospital experience. Just reading this has made all the frustrated anger and sadness come back... We planned a home birth and i was determined on one, but were pressured to go in to hosp just to 'check' so they had me lying on my back with the fucking monitor hooked up for bloody ages till it was too late to go home... The whole experience was dreadful, not at all what i wanted. I feel cheated. The worst was they took baby when she was born and we're checking her out on the other side of the room for HALF AN HOUR without me holding or even seeing her, while she was crying... Then they said they were going to take her to NICU for oxygen and i had to say can i have a cuddle... They looked surprised! She was fine once on me and didn't need oxygen. Fucking bastards. I am raging about the whole thing. Mid labour i do remember thinking 'i can not do this again' but almost as soon as she was born i wanted to go right back to the start and do it all again, my way. I hated the way they made me do it. I feel i will never be over the rage until i do it again, the way i wanted it.