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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think legally she can’t do this?

272 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 02/03/2018 12:49

My DD has SEN, she’s a summer birthday in reception and behind on top of that so things are often quite a struggle for her.

Her school have sent out a letter saying ‘come and have a mother’s day lunch with your children on X day, bring a packed lunch and sit with them. If you can’t make it, please send along a female relative in your place’

I’m in hospital, I had major surgery yesterday and won’t be able to join her on Monday. I emailed to ask if my husband can come instead, as my DD is already quite anxious about me not being at home as it is.

They said no, because he’s not female.

Surely that’s not allowed? What if we were a two dad family, or a widower?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Nelly1231 · 02/03/2018 21:41

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WineIsMyMainVice · 02/03/2018 21:42

Or could you take DD out of school while this event is going on, and get DH to bring her to visit you in hospital, as a special treat? Surely the school can’t object to that?! The alternative being that she is at an event that she’s effectively been excluded from as her DM is not there!!
I think it’s appalling the way the school have reacted to this!
Hope you recover soon x

MaceWindu · 02/03/2018 21:43

I am dreading DD starting school if this school is anything to go by. I fear I have a fight on my hands if their idea of inclusion and "normal" families is anything to go by Hmm

WineIsMyMainVice · 02/03/2018 21:46

Nelly - not really sure what you mean by this...?? It was meant to be a light hearted joke. But you’ve maybe not taken it as so...

Nelly1231 · 02/03/2018 21:46

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myrtleWilson · 02/03/2018 21:46

Ah Nelly championing women whilst calling them "bitches" on other threads - I'd ignore the derail

WineIsMyMainVice · 02/03/2018 21:47

MaceWindu - I really think it depends on the school. I cannot imagine my DDs school having such a narrow minded view on this kind of request and I really hope you don’t come across this kind of thing when your LO starts school.

MidniteScribbler · 02/03/2018 21:48

But if the school allows a father to come on mothers day then all children would have to have the right to bring their father. And if fathers are allowed and the parents are separated then both parents might have to be allowed to attend (that could be very awkward). And if both parents are allowed to attend then what of step fathers and mothers?

Who gives a fuck? We have an open afternoon around mothers and fathers day. So the kids can bring whoever they want or who is available. Some only have mum, some only have dad, some bring grandparents, aunts, uncles, step parents. Some have one person, some have multiple people, some have siblings attend. We manage to cope with this mix of people without even batting an eyelid. The child is what is important, not some outdated idea of male and female roles.

CapnCabinet · 02/03/2018 21:49

I am the world's biggest TERF - this is not a women's safe space, this is a school.

It is people like you who are trying to claim non-safe spaces are such that are damaging.

Anyway OP - I do hope you are on the mend and that your DD enjoys her day, no matter how it turns out.

BoogleMcGroogle · 02/03/2018 21:49

MaceWindu it's not most schools' idea of inclusion or how families are. The poor OP has stumbled across tiny-minded numpties in charge. I have worked with vulnerable children in over a hundred schools. A tiny minority of schools are like this. Many schools are fabulous, diverse and inclusive, and some schools just need a reminderaboir how the world might work for people not exactly like them.

I really feel for you OP. I hope you find a solution, and if you don't, please have DD visit you in hospital for a special pinnic lunch.

Grobagsforever · 02/03/2018 21:50

I have three close widower friends with young children and they would all find this extremely offensive and upsetting. FFS.

upsideup · 02/03/2018 21:51

Nelly1231

Or she may have to have a male teacher, a male boss, a male neighbour? A classroom is not a female space.

SingaSong12 · 02/03/2018 21:52

This is ridiculous and wrong for the sheer number of children who could be made to feel upset or lonely.

OP in your case if DD has recognised SEN (with or without a formal diagnosis) then I think this could be disability discrimination. To allow more children to participate in the activities on that day they have widened to beyond mothers. Due to your DD disability she needs someone she knows well especially in these social situations. The person your DD would feel happy with is a man. it would be a reasonable adjustment to allow a man to be there for your daughter.

If you wanted to check this out (or maybe DH)

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/education/discrimination-in-education/disability-discrimination-in-schools/

Did the school say what plans they have for pupils who cannot bring someone?

Nelly1231 · 02/03/2018 21:53

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myrtleWilson · 02/03/2018 21:54

So Nelly - what should my niece do? Sit by herself whilst rest of the class enjoy time with their mothers?

upsideup · 02/03/2018 21:55

Nelly1231

No its not. If it was a female only space there would be no male children and no male teachers.

Nelly1231 · 02/03/2018 21:55

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Helpimfalling · 02/03/2018 21:56

@Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar omg lol

Helpimfalling · 02/03/2018 21:57

But also very insensitive on schools behalf

Can you respond and tell them your thoughts

Ps get well soon

myrtleWilson · 02/03/2018 21:59

Nelly - I live several hundred miles away, next idea?

Steeley113 · 02/03/2018 22:01

@Nelly1231 what about male teachers? You seem to be ignoring everyone who suggests this to you.

Nelly1231 · 02/03/2018 22:03

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upsideup · 02/03/2018 22:05

Nelly1231

You have got to be a troll!? Why would you not send your daughter to a school with male teachers? There probably isnt any schools without any male staff anyway.

MaceWindu · 02/03/2018 22:06

nelly not all children have aunts. Or have aunts living in the country.

Steeley113 · 02/03/2018 22:07

@Nelly1231 ah I see, you’re either a troll or a twat. Enjoy your evening, I’m out!