To think legally she can’t do this?

[MaryPoppinsPenguins]

My DD has SEN, she’s a summer birthday in reception and behind on top of that so things are often quite a struggle for her.

Her school have sent out a letter saying ‘come and have a mother’s day lunch with your children on X day, bring a packed lunch and sit with them. If you can’t make it, please send along a female relative in your place’

I’m in hospital, I had major surgery yesterday and won’t be able to join her on Monday. I emailed to ask if my husband can come instead, as my DD is already quite anxious about me not being at home as it is.

They said no, because he’s not female.

Surely that’s not allowed? What if we were a two dad family, or a widower?

AIBU?

I definitely will, thank you everyone.

Glad you’re going to complain. This teacher sounds ignorant as fuck. Silly woman. I hope the school sees sense when you complain.

Also try and find a 'vision statement' or similar on their website that mentions treating kids as individuals and meeting their individual needs blah blah. Then use this in your complaint. Always stronger to argue that an organisation has failed to follow its own vision/policy than to just argue they are not doing things in the way you would like.
The governors have specific responsibility to make sure that the school is being run in a way that is consistent with the vision/ethos set by the governing board.

She has said she will review if the whole event should be cancelled. So basically she’s holding me to ransom about this.

I’d be making it clear that if the event is cancelled that it was her decision, and this is in no way to be linked to your DD.

Reply with something along the lines of.

Your response has lead me conclude that I have no choice now but to approach the governors. What other issues, whether they be health or social are being handled with such inflexibility and insensitivity? This is most concerning, for my child's well being and that of other pupils in the school who don't conform for whatever reason.

Then as pp have stated find their inclusion matters or equivalent statements quote them and go into how this stance goes against it.

For me growing up I had no uncles or aunts on mums side and my dad died when I was little. His family wasn’t local (other end of country) so something like that for Father’s Day would have been awful and very painful to me.

It was bad enough with cards being made etc. I always felt left out then, imagine sitting at a table with no one opposite you and other kids asking why isn’t your mum here?

Not sure if that would help but personally I wouldn't send DD in that day, instead she can visit you at hospital with her dad.

Wtf? Cancelled? She sounds like a MASSIVE passive aggressive asshat.

You need to clarify that you have absolutely no wish for the event to be cancelled. You are just asking for the specific circumstances of your child
to be taken into account.

She is behaving like a toddler.

It is totally normal for mother day events to be organised with a statement to parents along the lines of 'we acknowledge that personal circumstances may make this event particularly difficult for a small, but important, group of our children. Please let us know if this applies to your child so that we can work together blah blah ".

The irony, eh - males in female spaces - now people are demanding it - will no one think of the class mothers who need a safe space from men

I don’t think it’s a female only school @holly.

Sorry if I’ve missed the part where op has said it’s a girls’ school with only female teachers.

It’s a mixed school, and the reception teacher is male.

Well, my DH has left to go to have lunch with her. Let’s see what happens!

A safe space from men? Oh do fuck off.

I don't think your Dh should have gone though. I may be very awkward/uncomfortable for your dd!

She doesn’t process things that way. She wouldn’t understand the wider concept, only that there was no one there for her.

He won’t cause a scene, if he’s asked to leave he’ll take her home for lunch.

Bless her. I'm shocked that the teacher would carry on with this line with anyone let alone a wee one with SEN.

The irony, eh - males in female spaces - now people are demanding it - will no one think of the class mothers who need a safe space from men

Unless the OP said somewhere and I have missed it the school is not a male free cloister in the mountains but a run of the mill school with male teachers.

People are asking for safe space (prisons, rape crisis centres, domestic violence shelters, locker rooms) to remain male free, please don't misrepresent that.

I hope he gets to stay and your DD enjoys herself OP

will no one think of the class mothers who need a safe space from men

LOLOLOL. Truly ridiculous.

.

So he's been excluded purely on the basis of his sex? Any other random woman off the street would be allowed to attend?

Without sounding harsh but where do you draw the line? Sometimes in life there are rules and children will become upset. As for the what if there are 2 dads - Fathers day? x

Many schools still assume mums and other females are home all day in my experience (and most of the staff doing the assuming are female, and obviously work, in a school..)

This is absolutely true. I found this over and over again when my DC were in primary school.