To think legally she can’t do this?

[MaryPoppinsPenguins]

My DD has SEN, she’s a summer birthday in reception and behind on top of that so things are often quite a struggle for her.

Her school have sent out a letter saying ‘come and have a mother’s day lunch with your children on X day, bring a packed lunch and sit with them. If you can’t make it, please send along a female relative in your place’

I’m in hospital, I had major surgery yesterday and won’t be able to join her on Monday. I emailed to ask if my husband can come instead, as my DD is already quite anxious about me not being at home as it is.

They said no, because he’s not female.

Surely that’s not allowed? What if we were a two dad family, or a widower?

AIBU?

But there is, in Year 4.

WTAF?

So several couples who are same sex wouldn't be able to attend either this or a Father's Day?

That's awful. What about kids who's mum has passed away, or who is not raising the child? Or a child raised by two gay dads? They should not get away with it.

Keep dd at home and email the head. I hope you make a quick and full recovery

Incredibly insensitive. What about all the families with no mums, working mums who can't juggle a shift and so on?

I'm sure lots of families would love to rustle up a female relative from another town, country or possibly the afterlife to go in their place if they can't make it FFS.

Am thinking about how my mum would have managed this - all her female relatives were in another country and she had to work to pay the bills. But that was the 70s when working mothers were seen as a novelty, it's 2018 FFS!

I'd keep her home. I get very fed up of the bullshit primary schools come out with.

I'd get your DH to go and front it out. I suspect they are unlikely to send him away if he turns up. Then your DD won't know any better and will have a good time

I’d keep her off if it’s causing that much anxiety.

I saw your other thread, did you get rescued for the loo in the end?

Hopefully you can find a family member or friend that’s free on the day.

It’s lovely that the school does nice things for/with the children. Sometimes the timing is unfortunate, or the event is not ideal for your child, but you just have to find ways around it. It’s either that or schools just stop doing anything that might not suit everyone.

My friend’s DD doesn’t have a Dad in her life and her Grandparents/aunts/uncles etc live overseas & she doesn’t have siblings. When they had their Mothers Day lunch at school my friend was in Berlin on business. The school must think I’m really bonkers because I’ve been Mum/Grandparent/Aunty at various school events 🤣 a friend of ours went in on Father’s Day (which he loved as sadly he doesn’t have kids). She is as happy as a piglet in mud because she knows she’s loved by all of us. She wouldn’t want things cancelled because she can never take the actual person required!

Of course it’s more difficult with children with SEN who might be quite literal, but hopefully you can find a compromise she’s happy with.

I hope you’re better soon 💐 (can you double check the date as the 12th makes more sense than this Monday).

There seems to be all sorts of these stupid things now expecting parents to attend. I don't recall a single event during the working day that parents were expected to attend when I was a child.

My sister's school does mother's day lunch, but father's day breakfast so dad's can go before work. No such allowance for mum's who work!

Olga, my DS's primary did the same. Meant he had no one on either day as I couldn't attend for lunch and his father is absent.

To be honest, even if DD doesn’t have SEN, even if you weren’t in hospital right now... it’s still a horrible thing to do.

If you genuinely don’t have a female relative who can attend, but Daddy can; then why on Earth not? They can still discuss mothers and make gifts to be passed on (Daddy can enthuse about how wonderful it is and how much Mummy will love it), they can still put pink and flowers everywhere. Having a man there is not going to detract from the situation. If your school is anything like mine; they are CONSTANTLY talking about parental involvement and support and how important it is. In which case, does it really matter as long as someone is there?

I’d be in the same situation btw; I’m working all next week and next week my DH is off. I’d actually not know what to do. Probably no one would go.

olga that’s a really good point. No consideration for us working mums there. I’m sorry that happened.

It's a very sweet idea but not practical in this millennium, sadly

That's absolutely awful. I get it's 'mother's day' but what about the single parent dads they play both mother and father roles. Very sad.

I can't see any harm in this. If it's a Mother's day celebration then it should be female relatives only.

If your going to be so precious about it, surely it should be mothers only?
My kids father is more of a 'mother' to them to any of their other female relatives.

YANBU, I'm a lone parent and have attended both Mother's and Father's Day events at school for my children. Parents who can't get time off work often send the other parent so that their DC has someone there and doesn't feel left out. Your school is being very insensitive.

At my DD's old school (not UK) they scrapped the mother's day/father's day stuff (for the reasons mentioned above) and had a 'special persons day' instead, and anyone could come, friends, grandparents etc. It saved those kids who maybe didn't have a dad/had 2 same-sex parents or whatever from sitting on their own. They did still do 'muffins with mum' and 'doughnuts with dad' though, but it was a huge gathering and I don't think anyone would have noticed if it was a different kind of adult (as in not a mum or dad!).

Insensitive of the school, particularly if it's been pointed out that some of the children may not have an available female relative available to come along.

I bet their website is full of the word 'inclusive' at every opportunity though.

I'd second the previous PP which suggested taking her out of school and DH bringing to you with a picnic. Is that a possibility? Or if you have a friend going whose kid is also there get them to include her in their group. However seeing as your DH can get the time off then do the first option - or just take her somewhere nice. We have a 'Female Friday' and 'Fathers Friday' but have seen the opposite sex parents at both, the school is being ridiculous.

In the spirit of the event perhaps the school would like to support your DH in bringing DD for a really special mothers day picnic with you at the hospital. Instead of school that day. With some of your lovely female (or not) friends.

I fucking hate outdated shite like this. Plenty of people do not have a 'female relative or friend' who can go to stuff like this. I'd complain, it's discriminatory and this sort of stuff needs to be consigned to history.

Hooray someone else got there first

Very ignorant of them they clearly weren't thinking it through properly