to ask if anyone on here regrets going back to work after dc, and not being a sahp?

[mammyoftwo]

Context: It's a snowy day here..........beautiful stop-you-in-your-tracks-to-look-at-them snowflakes.....it's spent playing outside, coming inside for home baking, snuggling by the fire with books and an all round "good day".

(For full disclosure, I fully acknowledge we have plenty of "not good days" with two toddlers).

But anyways, it got me to thinking...............................................so often on here I read threads about "I don't want to give up my career for my children"/"Do you regret being a sahp" etc, etc etc....... you get the gist.

So today, having had a "good day", I'm going to be bold and brave enough to ask it.............................................does anyone back in paid work after children regret it?
I'd have hated to miss out on all that we did today. Things aren't easy, we've made sacrifices in spending for one parent to be "at home" but it's a choice we made as we believe it works best for our family.

Anyone going to acknowledge it?

No hindsight from me as currently on mat leave with a 7 month old, going back to work next month. Absolutely dreading it!!! Financially have to but if I could be a SAHM I 10000% would. I’m interested to see if I suddenly love working again, but highly doubt it!

God no. Much better off financially and much better lifestyle and able to support our daughter through uni. Plus I enjoy my job and retaining part of me and not just being a wife and mum.

I'm financially independent and not fucked if something goes wrong.

To be honest, the good days are all well and good, but the reality is staying home and looking after kids and doing the housework is hard work and a drudge. Wasn't my scene any more than it was my husbands.

Not at all but I had nearly a year on maternity leave the first time and 8 months for the second and went back three days a week so plenty of time to do stuff at home too. It meant I could keep my skills up to date and pay into my pension which now we are older and planning retirement makes a very big difference!

Also when DH was diagnosed with chronic degenerative illness and a later redundancy we were able to manage by me going up to 4 days a week for a time.

Each time I was on maternity leave I dreaded returning to work and the first few months back were hard. However, I am so pleased I kept my career going. I am blessed in that I can work 3.5 days a week so I’m home one full day a week and one afternoon. It’s the perfect balance.

I believe I’m a better mum because of the variety in my life. I enjoy my days at home more because they aren’t every day. My children have a strong female role model because of my career. We have more money for fun activities as a family. My girls envision a life for themselves where they can have it all, because that’s the norm to them. Also I won’t feel the loss of them growing up as acutely as I would if they were my sole focus.

Not at all. I both study and work, and have done since DS was tiny. My academic study is very rewarding as is my job, I am financially independent and it means we have a nice life. It makes evenings and weekends more valuable for us. For me, it's the best of both words.
Another poster put it brilliantly about the housework and childcare being a drudge and not either of their scene - it's the same for us.
Also not willing to give up things like two cars, several holidays etc which we would have to compromise on if I didn't work. (Although I know some SAHMs are lucky in this way in that their DH earns lots so they can keep all of their luxuries without compromising their lifestyle in any way whatsoever!). Even if that was an option, I don't think I'd take it.

So, hang on, you're asking this not as a parent who regrets working, or as a woman contemplating the choice, but as someone who SAH and wants people to queue up to tell you how amazing your life is, and how jealous of it they are? Do you not see why that's a bit... off?

Took the best part of 6yrs out. Back at work now. Don't regret it at all even though have had to start over and am in totally different field and still got a way to go to catch up to where I was prior to being a SAHM. But I will get there workwise and I was there every step of the way in the early years and I will always be grateful for being able to experience everything during that time with my DD. Either choice isn't easy though and very much an individual one to make.

No, not once. My children have a good life, can do any school trips they like, have had access to various hobbies and clubs and strong role models as parents that share everything financial and house wise.

I would have hated to model the 1950s to them.

My mother did, or at least she said she did but it was a very specific set of circumstances (she was very ill at the time). I don't think any of my friends regret saying in work but I know several wish they had gone pt and taken longer mat leaves. A couple are the main earners so wish they could have stayed at home but had to work- so they don't regret going back to work but do regret missing out IYSWIM.

Nope, I would have gone crazy, quite literally. I work 3 days a week and the routine of it helps me cope. I am a better parent on my two days a week at home because of it.

I know I would regret it so that's why I am choosing not to go back to work...and this is coming from someone who doesn't fully enjoy being a sahm.

What I am confident about though is that I will never regret being here to watch my babies grow, and to be with them 100% of the time. I have the rest of my life to work, they will.only be babies once, and I intend to make every moment with them count.

When I was at home with a tiny baby, the thought of going to work would make me tear up. But it's fine now and I'm so glad I went back to work.

I've gone back after six years off work. I only work part time around school hours a few days a week. I can't stand it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to hand my notice in in time for the summer holidays. My DH isn't fussed if I work or not.

I do have other mental health related stuff going on though.

I don't have a choice about working but I do always think about sahp when I see all the others at the school gate. I'm on maternity leave now and will be going back next year.
I would love to be a sahp sometimes - when it's school holidays and I'm working, when I can't get to assemblies etc. But in reality I like going to work and I would still do some form of work even if I didn't need to. I'm going to enjoy my year off but I know il be looking forward to going back when the time comes. I don't think there's anything wrong with working or being a sahp, a lot of people don't have a choice and have to return to work. I have found it's harder to work once they start school as you need to fit around them and school hours.

I only regret going back to work after my third because it caused me to have some kind of breakdown. Definitely don't regret working in general, though; my kids (especially my oldest daughter) are proud of what I've achieved and of who I am as a person. And as she's grown older, I totally see how my experiences are inspiring her to go to uni and get a good career herself.

I do agree with the pp who thinks you're fishing for people to tell you that you've made the right choice and are jealous of you being a sahm and having all these hashtag"blessed" hashtag"memories" etc etc. The truth is, those of us who work still have these experiences with our children.

I don’t regret going back to work at all. I have a nice balance of work and home time. My career is flourishing and my DS loves nursery and is doing very well there.

Same as counting sheep, I love being a SAHM and it was my choice to do that, not ‘modelling the 1950s’ more spending the first few years of my son’s life raising him. I would have regretted working, I have the rest of my life until retirement to work!

Have you asked your husband if he regrets it? Maybe start there.

Well I'm a full time WOHM at fairly senior management level but as our offices are closed because of the snow, my day wasn't too far off yours! It was kinda enjoyable-ish but no homely baking and I'm starting to get a bit of cabin fever 😃 Even the eldest says he misses school a bit. Definitely not cut out to be a SAHM, was never even an option. I really enjoyed my maternity leaves, particularly the first, but was ready to go back when I did.

Ps I work part time and am there for school runs. I'm incredibly grateful to be able to be there for the children, I really am. However the morning school run is my most hated part of the day, so sometimes I'd be delighted to swan off to work at 7.00 and let someone else deal with it!!

Wonder if OP hasn't been back yet because we didn't all rush to tell her how much we wanted her life and how sad and miserable working makes us, rather than the stories of financial independence, not having to worry about money and having a career that she's actually been given?

I felt the opposite. I did SAHM and I found it much harder than I was anticipating and I wish I'd invested in my career instead.

IME the days like those odd snow days are much more savoured when they are infrequent. When it's every day it just becomes a drudge, unless you are the kind of person who is very self motivated and knows how to make the best of every opportunity - sadly, I am not!

i regret going back when dd was a baby very much so! my maternity ran out when she was 4 months roughly i worked part time for not much money and look back wondering why i bothered tbh. early starts, bus journeys. was all very stressful and feel i missed quite a bit. she wasnt happy at nursery so i do wish that i had waited til she started pre school. she was happy there so i felt happier at work.