to ask if anyone on here regrets going back to work after dc, and not being a sahp?

[mammyoftwo]

Context: It's a snowy day here..........beautiful stop-you-in-your-tracks-to-look-at-them snowflakes.....it's spent playing outside, coming inside for home baking, snuggling by the fire with books and an all round "good day".

(For full disclosure, I fully acknowledge we have plenty of "not good days" with two toddlers).

But anyways, it got me to thinking...............................................so often on here I read threads about "I don't want to give up my career for my children"/"Do you regret being a sahp" etc, etc etc....... you get the gist.

So today, having had a "good day", I'm going to be bold and brave enough to ask it.............................................does anyone back in paid work after children regret it?
I'd have hated to miss out on all that we did today. Things aren't easy, we've made sacrifices in spending for one parent to be "at home" but it's a choice we made as we believe it works best for our family.

switswoo I am so jealous of a primary teacher who gets home by 3!! Htf do you do that?!

No never, after DD I did 2 days in the office one at home, now I do one day in the office and 2 at home. Its the absolute perfect balance for me I would hate to be a complete SAHM because I need my work. I am incredibly lucky that my job is one that I can do so much at home

I absolutely did not regret going back to work. I actually scaled back on work when the children were older and needed me more (well, one of them in particular who had MH problems). If I had stayed at home when they were little, assuming I could go back to work when they were older and needed me less, we wouldn't have been in a good financial position to allow me to scale right back when they really did need me.

I would have loved to have had more time off with ds but to ensure financial and job security/conditions in the short and longer term it was a no brainier for us so nothing to regret.

Remaining in the workplace has also meant I retained a level of goodwill from my employer which means I get to work from home if I need to, flexible time and time off to support ds or my elderly parent. I wouldn’t of had this if I had left and struggled to find a new job years later.

If I had become a sahp our finances would be very different and difficult now, not a risk I was willing to take. We focussed on quality time in evenings, weekends and holidays rather than quantity with the daily drudge. No regrets at all.

If somebody doesn't need to work because they don't need the money then they can choose to be a SAHP with the agreement of the earning partner. I don't know anyone who has regretted that choice. I wouldn't have liked to be a SAHM for long because I liked to get out of the house and into the real world of work.

Nope. Went back at 3.5 days after DS1 was born and 4 days (but shorter days) after DS2 was born. I am home by 4. Older one is in school anyway. So we are not #blessed and #makingmemories or whatever. DH works 4 long days and has 1 day off (sort of). We have a nanny and a Cleaner and we are fortunate we do. From Thursday 4 pm to Sunday night the kids get my full on attention. They are both thriving. My career is very important to me and I worked hard for it. DH and I are equal parents and we both enjoy working. We do housework when the kids are in bed. It enables us to pay for 3-4 very nice holidays a year when we can give our kids our full attention (don’t do kids clubs etc). I think they get the best of both worlds- our attention, and financial security. We do have a big age gap to afford some of this.

I don't know anyone who has regretted that choice

God, spend some time on here. Marriages breaking up, partners becoming financially abusive, partner becoming ill, or losing their job. So many people regret it.

Yes. I went back when DD was 5 months old because my then dh put his foot down and insisted because sahm are ‘lazy’ and ‘selfish’
But yes looking back I wish I could have stayed home with her

God no!!

I'm lucky enough to work part time though and fairly flexibly, I've been working from home for the past few days while the schools have been shut for snow. TBH, I'm really fed up with it now and want to get back to normal and go back in to work.

Brutus I’m in Ireland . My kids go home at 1:30 I have to stay till 2:30. Collect dd from Creche next door and home. One afternoon a week have to stay back for an hour. We have much less paperwork and I don’t do that twinkl shite!!

Mixed feelings. I fortunately have a good work life balance (part time and no over time or working late etc). The mornings and commute are stressful. Overall I think it's good for us all if I'm working too.

When I had DC1 my original plan was to stay at home and do some childminding / tutoring around DH. But then DH was made redundant and our plans changed.

I went back to work part time, and ended up loving it. I felt it gave me the best of all worlds. As a teacher, I could re-negotiate my working week every year to meet my children's needs. When they were little, I worked mornings, so DC went to family, spent most of the morning having their nap and by the time they woke up, I had 7 hours of the rest of the day to spend with them. As youngest started school, I was able to increase my hours and work around her school hours. Never needed childcare as DH and I worked it between us. As I increased my hours, i increasingly took on more responsibility.

Last year, I took a promotion. It came a year early as My youngest DC is still in primary and now needs after school club twice a week. Thankfully, she loves going and always moans when I pick her up, because her friends are there. But picking up my career again has been seamless, and getting promotions no problem.

I'm now really thankful that I didn't take time out, because I've seen friends who have had to take massive step backs in their careers, start back at the bottom again and work up. Some of them have really struggled finding work at all, or are now doing jobs they don't enjoy but ones they can get / Work round the family, because as children get older, they do get more expensive and they have needed to go back to work. I'm glad I've never had to do that, so in hindsight I'm really happy with my decision. I think working part time (esp cause I always had the holidays) meant I never had to use childcare (except the usual preschool) and so have never felt as though I have missed out. I'm also really enjoying my new job / promotion and know I would never have got this if I had taken so long out of work. So yeah, no regrets from me. Part time work was the perfect compromise for me.

I didn’t have a choice financially so regret didn’t come into it. Would have loved to be SAHP when they were tiny. Dragging them to nursery and then having to work on very little sleep was very tough.

Now they are at primary I am so glad I hung in there because:

It’s preserved my mental health, I have anxiety and the work/home balance is more healthy for me.

I have supported DH through a career change which has saved his health and means he now works more family friendly hours

Pension

I have a good working pattern that allows me to pick up from school 3 days a week.

Financial security. We can afford modest foreign holidays (Eurocamp type things), days out, hobbies for all of us and the occasional socialising. Couldn’t manage that on one salary.

I don’t feel I have missed much of my children’s childhoods. We are really close and have a fab time together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder for me anyway. I would have found 24/7 babies and toddlers hard to cope with.

I think that's a fair point about different children having different levels of need for a parent at home, nursy.

I haven't regretted going back. In fact, I was made redundant at one point and hated it, couldn't wait to get back to work.

I'm currently on my 3rd ML, and while I enjoy this time while they're tiny, it isn't a choice I'd like to make long term.

For me, working gives me financial independence and pension contributions, and a career for when the

No no regrets in the slightest, we now have money for swimming lessons, football boots, cinema trips etc. I'm in a better place emotionally and mentally and the dc appreciate that both parents work.
Having said that I worked from home baking and making jams for five years while they were small and now work 30 hrs a week term time so I am aware how lucky I am in comparison to some parents working full time all year around.

No regrets because it’s a lot easier to quit work, than it is to get back into it after being SAHM for several years.

I think I got a bit confused there saying I don't know anyone who regretted that choice. I only know one person who stayed at home for any length of time and they're glad they did. I totally agree giving up work leaves you high and dry if you split up. And pensions too are a nightmare. If it all works out great but it often doesn't. So nearly everyone I know worked three or four days if not full time.

I didn’t need to return to work after having DT’s but wanted to continue with my career. I’d worked hard to get to the level I was at and didn’t want to loose any ground. Have always worked full time and DH has an equally demanding career. With lots of hard work (no family local to help out) we have made it work and DT’s are doing well at Uni. The two incomes have enabled us to give our family the life we wanted.

Argh typing one handed!

A career for when the children are older.

It also means DH and I split the house/child responsibilities fairly, as we're both out working and at home similar hours.

I've worked full time through the first two children, but I'm hoping to go back 3.5 days this time until dd2 is 3yo and gets her 30 hours - childcare costs for three of them are expensive and we don't have access to the same help from family this time as the ILs are older and less able to cope with the demands of a baby/tiddler.

The older two have a special relationship with all their grandparents because of this, so we will work harder this time to enable that.

Don't regret working while my DC were tiny one little bit. I'm not especially good at looking after babies and toddlers (not full time anyway) and we had a wonderful nanny who was brilliant at it. My DC aren't clingy at all so I didn't have any tears to contend with luckily, and I didn't feel guilty as I knew they were having a great time.

I'm now a SAHM to one school age DC and one toddler. Stopped work for various reasons, primarily DC1 health issues which are now surprisingly much improved. I am starting to regret my decision to stop work - I am enjoying some aspects of being at home of course but a lot of it is drudgery and I'm nervous about being able to get back to work.

You do sound rather smug OP !

When mine were small, there was little in the way of childcare, a DH who is self employed running a business and caring responsibilities. We had no choice really, but to live as frugally as possible for a few years, whilst I was at home. I did a bit of tutoring in the evening, but it was sporadic. I had never been particularly ambitious before the children arrived.

I did go back part time when they were at school and nursery and then full time a bit later. I discovered my ambitious side then and ended up as far up in my career as I wanted to be. You could say I had it both ways- SAHM when they were little, career when they were older. Having a DH who worked six and a half days a week, did limit the options though.

I agree that working provides a positive role model and I am pleased that my son is competent at housework, cooking and looking after the children and that my daughter feels that she can have a family and a career.

You want people to come on and admit they are jealous of you having a lovely snow day?

I have a great career and manage to pick my kids up from school and take days off when it snows. Sorry to disappoint you.

don't assume that all women feel like this we genuinely don't. It's lovely you enjoy continual childcare,cooking and housework....
This is all pretty snide - the OP just asked people how they felt. If you're happy with your choices and your life I don't see why the question would bother anyone - all the anger and put downs make you sound very defensive.
I did work while mine were young btw, but see no need to judge the OP for making a different choice.

Not at all. Mentally I couldn't have stayed at home, I'd have gone stir crazy. Financially I'm much better off and I'm independent; I have a partner but we've rough patches so it's hugely important for me to be able to support myself and my ds. I also think my ds gets more stimulus by spending time with me and childminder and Granny.

I regret it - full time through 2 dc and 8 years, I didn’t have any decent part time options. We have a much better standard of living due to me working, but it’s definitely been at the expense of more time with the dc.

It’s not a huge regret as I always did what I thought was best at the time but it’s gotten harder over time, especially now I see the second one nearly last the baby stage and there won’t me more.

SAHP is such a huge sacrifice as an individual though.