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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be refusing to travel in the snow tomorrow?

367 replies

BoyMeetsWorld · 01/03/2018 18:34

So tomorrow we are meant to be driving 4 hours across country to get the ferry abroad to a very special birthday party of DHs family.

I understand why it's so important to him.

But the roads outside are literally lethal and the forecast tomorrow is worse.

We would be travelling with 2 small children.

DH is adamant that I'm being ridiculous...that we are driving out of the bad weather and it's much better over in Dover, plus we'll be on mostly motorways.

I keep saying he can't account for other drivers, the kids are going to freeze if there are ferry delays or motorway accidents and overall I just think it's bloody dangerous. My mum's begging us not to go.

Obviously I support him going if he really feels he must. But I really really don't want the children- and therefore me - to go.

AIBU ?

OP posts:

Quartz2208 · 01/03/2018 20:26

The south east where we are (Surrey) has just gone Amber as the weather is expected to be bad overnight 5-10cm snow and heavy winds. School are shutting in Surrey tomorrow

CherryMaDeary · 01/03/2018 20:27

He sounds an absolute prick. I would rather my kids to be safe than have his forgiveness. Tell him to go alone. Maybe he'll get stuck on the motorway and realise you were right.

Scrumymum · 01/03/2018 20:27

You can show him the following message if you like:

I also live in the Home Counties and wouldn't risk driving a few miles down the road, let alone 2 hours to Dover.

We have a 4WD but that isn't the point.... You can not account for other drivers. You can not account for the road conditions. You can not account for the weather. You can not account for P&O Ferries.

Let him risk his own life for his grandmother's birthday. I find it staggering he's concerned this may be the last birthday she sees (but she's done pretty well getting to 100!) yet doesn't see the irony that he doesn't give a shit that you and the kids may not see another birthday and you're (presumably) a 1/3rd of her age. Sorry a bit morbid, but this is what we are all getting at after all.

Go and see her next weekend instead....

ArchchancellorsHat · 01/03/2018 20:27

Short of flat out refusing to let him take the children which he may well never forgive me for

Will you forgive yourself if anything happens to them? Say no and mean no, and yes, hide their passports. He's a complete arse.

TitsNnails · 01/03/2018 20:28

Has he got winter tyres on the 4x4? Im in Kent and a friend of mine has spent the day pulling people out of snow drifts.

Check the aa bad weather checklist also of what they think you need to take.

They anticipate alot more snow tomorrow, I haven't left my house since Monday and I certainly won't be tomorrow.

BewareOfDragons · 01/03/2018 20:28

Your DH is an idiot.

silver2011 · 01/03/2018 20:29

Do men ever listen ! Your right not to want to go with two young children why risk it . Don't go let him go if he wants to . The weather warning is there for a reason and people should listen and there's risk to life so it's not just the normal bit of snow tomorrow could get worse.

Lkjem · 01/03/2018 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ArchchancellorsHat · 01/03/2018 20:30

I'm actually really still shocked that he's being such a bullying cunt over a birthday party. Does he have form for this sort of behaviour?

expatinscotland · 01/03/2018 20:31

We've got a 4x4 and winter tyres. Still not driving because authorities have asked that people not travel on the road unless it's essential. Because it's dangerous and can also compromise emergency services. They have asked, you can enough arseholes like your DH and then you get government putting the smack down and closing everything because twats just don't want to behave and put themselves at risk and those who have to rescue them.

We had a saying in Colorado about icy roads, '4 wheel drive = 4 wheel slide.'

Dragongirl10 · 01/03/2018 20:33

OP what do you mean he 'made you pack'?

Just say no end of, it is a complete sentence

what is more important you and your childrens safety or not making your DH angry?

He is being bloody irresponsible, no unecessary journeys is the advice for a reason...he could cause an accident or put others lives at risk by getting stranded, or be in the way of emergency services...all for a birthday.

it is unfortunate it is a special birthday but simply call, explain and arrange a special get together in a months time. You don't have to wait a year.

You really need to be able to say No to your Dh OP. You are an adult responsible for 2 young children.

GrannyGrissle · 01/03/2018 20:34

No chance. Drivers ignoring red alert etc put more pressure on recovery services and potentially NHS and the other emergancy services not to mention putting themselves and others at risk. Not a cat in hells chance i'd be driving with DD(4) In the car.
How can there be so many gormless and selfish partners and husbands of Mumsnetters?

littlewoollypervert · 01/03/2018 20:35

If you drive during a weather warning you might not be insured...

yolofish · 01/03/2018 20:35

I'm about 30 mins from Dover, along the coast. The M20 has been rubbish the last couple of days, and forecast I saw tonight says that tomorrow/Sat snow will be coming from across the channel and up into kent. So no, I would not be making that journey - no matter how disappointed people might be its just not worth it. and like PP have said by making an unnecessary journey you're getting in the way of the emergency services.

LineysShanks · 01/03/2018 20:35

What Viviennemary said. If it's true he'd do this.

TheFairyCaravan · 01/03/2018 20:36

No way on this earth would my kids be making that journey tomorrow. He could make me pack and tell me they’re going until he’s blue in the face, it wouldn’t be happening. I’d hide the car keys if necessary.

boatyardblues · 01/03/2018 20:38

Does no one in your DH’s family have an iPhone or iPad so you can all Facetime with his GM to offer birthday wishes? I can’t believe anyone would attempt a long journey with young children in this treacherous weather. Is it worth risking life & limb over, really?

llangennith · 01/03/2018 20:38

Stop being a wimp OP. They’re your children ffs. Stand firm and don’t negotiate. Man up and say, “You can go but the children and I are definitely staying home. Goodbye. Safe journey.”

Original poster

BoyMeetsWorld · 01/03/2018 20:38

he's not abusive, or a bad person....he just really really wants the kids to see his family. I get that. And he feels very confident in his driving so he is having difficulty seeing my perspective that it's not about him but factors he can't control, like other people on the road.

Think I've just persuaded him to call and tell them..But he's so sad, I feel awful. And he is so mad at me. But the children matter more than anything. How can I possibly knowingly send them out into this? It just goes against every part of me as a mother.

OP posts:

Desperatelyseekingsun · 01/03/2018 20:40

Well done OP, it is sad for your DH but it is nothing to do with you. Unless you are a weather witch? The FaceTime idea is a good one.

JaneEyre70 · 01/03/2018 20:40

I'd send him on his own. Utter madness.

dottycat123 · 01/03/2018 20:40

Assuming you go ahead with the ridiculous car journey and arrive at the ferry port alive the ferry may be cancelled. If the ferries are running I hope you've stocked up on travel sick pills, the crossing will be horrendous with forecasted winds.

PippinOrange · 01/03/2018 20:42

not seeing why he's so mad at you. or did you make it snow ?

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/03/2018 20:42

Will you forgive him if he insists on taking them and anyhing happens?

Someone has to be sensible and he is only thinking emotionally. You need to stand up to him and say no on behalf of you and the kids. He can go but you are not. You MUST say no.

Dont pack, dont do anything. Stand up to this bully and let him take his own life in his hands if he wants to but he must not risk you and the kids, hide their passports if you must.

TheFairyCaravan · 01/03/2018 20:42

Sorry, he sounds a bit thick if he thinks being confident in his driving ability makes any difference right now.

They don’t want people on the roads unless it’s absolutely necessary and going to a birthday party isn’t.

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