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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be refusing to travel in the snow tomorrow?

367 replies

BoyMeetsWorld · 01/03/2018 18:34

So tomorrow we are meant to be driving 4 hours across country to get the ferry abroad to a very special birthday party of DHs family.

I understand why it's so important to him.

But the roads outside are literally lethal and the forecast tomorrow is worse.

We would be travelling with 2 small children.

DH is adamant that I'm being ridiculous...that we are driving out of the bad weather and it's much better over in Dover, plus we'll be on mostly motorways.

I keep saying he can't account for other drivers, the kids are going to freeze if there are ferry delays or motorway accidents and overall I just think it's bloody dangerous. My mum's begging us not to go.

Obviously I support him going if he really feels he must. But I really really don't want the children- and therefore me - to go.

AIBU ?

OP posts:
Tara336 · 01/03/2018 20:43

My DP live 125 miles away, my DM got sniffy with me as been ill and now we have horrendous weather in the South so am not risking life and limb and car to do a day trip to visit DF on his birthday. He hasn’t bloody spoken to me for nearly a year when I dared to disagree with him! Bollocks to traveling anywhere in this!

thenightsky · 01/03/2018 20:43

So this man would 'never forgive you' for keeping your children safe? That says a lot about him.

listsandbudgets · 01/03/2018 20:44

I looked at the RAC's twitter account earlier. As of 5pm today they'd been out to 8000 breakdowns. The AA are saying that if you're parked somewhere safe they probably won't get to you today as they're so busy elsewhere. That's a LOT of cars - yours could just as easily be one of them tomorrow. Also as others have pointed out the ferries are either likely to not be running or be running late.

Personally OP I simply wouldn't allow my children to risk it.

However if you decide you have no choice then make sure you pack blankets (or even sleep bags) flasks of hot drinks, plenty of food, lots of warm clothes, a couple of torches and an in car phone charger. Also if you are not a member of a breakdown organisation, I'd be insisting on joining one online tonight...

I agree with everyone else though stay home. Sad for his Granny but you can arrange somethng else special another time. Keep in mind that as things stand, you could end up setting out and never arriving o arriving very late.

brizzledrizzle · 01/03/2018 20:45

Latest reports - 300 people stranded in cars in Devon and Cornwall and the number is rising all the time.

Show him this.

CherryMaDeary · 01/03/2018 20:45

Why won't he go without you and the kids? If it's that important he would have gone by himself.

Sounds like he wants to blame you. Don't mollycoddle him because of this, you did the right thing.

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/03/2018 20:45

X pos wih updae.

Are there flights going from your nearest airport? Could he fly there?

thenightsky · 01/03/2018 20:46

You can go in a fortnight or so, when the temperatures will probably be in double figures by then.

Not sure why he's mad at you... did you cause the snow and disruptions? Is your name Storm Emma?

Dcdfcdfc · 01/03/2018 20:46

I wouldn’t go tomorrow. I’ve lived in Canada am very comfortable driving in snow but only when I have snow tyres on my car. Even then I know I have to drive carefully. I’ve a 4 wheel drive here in the UK but it can still be slippy on side roads.

I’d almost be more worried about the low temps and possible ice rather than the snow. If you are planning to leave early then there will be more likelihood of low temps and ice. Why take the risk? It seems a bit daft.

Can’t you arrange to go next week and have a mini celebration with your DHs granny. I’m sure she would understand.

Quartz2208 · 01/03/2018 20:47

Its not your fault. Yes he has every right to be sad, its an awful situation that forces him to miss it. But its not your fault. Legally its what is known as an act of god - and its one that you cannot fight against.

Hopefully once he has a chance to calm down he will realise this is just one of those things that is out of his control

Allergictoironing · 01/03/2018 20:48

North Kent here, just by the A2/M2. There's a howling wind that's been going on since lunch time, and we were all sent home at 1pm not because of more snow falling (though it was) but the winds causing really bad drifting across the roads. We nearly couldn't get out to to a massive snow drift forming in the only road out of where we work, which was barely noticeable at 9am.

It's also incredibly icy here, and very slippery. That was at lunchtime, so I dread to think just how icy it will be in the morning, when not only will you have had the overnight freeze to contend with but there will have been virtually no other vehicles on the roads to clear them a bit.

isseywithcats · 01/03/2018 20:48

YANBU my OH took me to work this morning we crawled 2.5 miles as the road was so bad, and because he couldnt get back up the hill due to cars getting stuck it took him nearly two hours to get home and this is suburbs to town centre theres no way i would be driving 4 hours on a motorway tomorrow

seven201 · 01/03/2018 20:48

I live in Kent. My local Facebook group is full of people warning people not to go out on the roads as they've just had their car written off, had to abandon a car in a ditch etc etc. He'd be dangerous to go by himself but incredibly selfish and reckless to take your children! There's no way I'm taking my daughter anywhere in the car.

Dcdfcdfc · 01/03/2018 20:48

he just really really wants the kids to see his family

You can make arrangements to see them another time.

Huldas · 01/03/2018 20:49

Op my DH had done this many times, complete with bring 'so sad' and creating a heavy atmosphere in the house. It is emotional abuse. Total psychological warfare. Do not feel sorry for him, this is all designed to punish you/get you to do what he wants. Like yours, my DH is generally a nice guy but that doesn't excuse this childish behaviour. Don't reward him, carry on as you would with a petulant child eg ignore the behaviour, nice normal tone of voice, carry on with normal routines etc.

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/03/2018 20:50

Some people think that having a 4X4 means you can go anywhere in snow and you really cant! You do stand a better chance than 2WD but it can still be slippy and you can still lose control even with snow tyres. I have an excellent 4WD and am not going anywhere unless it is literally life or death.

expatinscotland · 01/03/2018 20:50

'Think I've just persuaded him to call and tell them..But he's so sad, I feel awful. And he is so mad at me. '

He needs to grow the fuck up! Is he seriously this obtuse, arrogant and stupid? Anyone who would put their kids in danger for this birthday party is not a nice person. He's mad at you? For keeping his family safe in one of the worst storms of the century? Fucking give over. Get over feeling awful. You are as ridiculous as he is. I'd honestly show him this thread. He needs a kick up the jacksie. What a knob.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 01/03/2018 20:52

Short of flat out refusing to let him take the children which he may well never forgive me for,

Never forgive you for, really? There are very very few things that I wouldn't ever be able to forgive DH for, this wouldn't even register.

expatinscotland · 01/03/2018 20:52

'Op my DH had done this many times, complete with bring 'so sad' and creating a heavy atmosphere in the house. It is emotional abuse.'

This.

Get fucking real.

Dragongirl10 · 01/03/2018 20:53

OP what do you mean he 'made you pack'?

Just say no end of, it is a complete sentence

what is more important you and your childrens safety or not making your DH angry?

He is being bloody irresponsible, no unecessary journeys is the advice for a reason...he could cause an accident or put others lives at risk by getting stranded, or be in the way of emergency services...all for a birthday.

it is unfortunate it is a special birthday but simply call, explain and arrange a special get together in a months time. You don't have to wait a year.

You really need to be able to say No to your Dh OP. You are an adult responsible for 2 young children.

Rainbowsandflowers78 · 01/03/2018 20:54

Yeah he does sound abusive actually
How is this your fault?
He can still go without you

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/03/2018 20:55

You're being feeble and pathetic. A parents DUTY is to protect their children not allow a ":bullying cunt " to endangerment for a party.
People like you shouldn't have children as you're not prepared to protect them

Someone with travel anxiety so is unsure of whether she is over reacting, and is struggling to stand up to an emotional bully shouldnt have children and is pathetic? Nice. Did it make you feel good about yourself to write that?

jelliebelly · 01/03/2018 20:56

Even if the roads are ok the ferry crossing will be a nightmare in stormy conditions - with two young children!?

Lovelyusername · 01/03/2018 20:56

Just to disagree. If the roads and weather look fine tomorrow then I would go with the kids. Like if it was all clear and no more snow forecast.

I am in the coast and it’s fine today.

CaptainBrickbeard · 01/03/2018 20:56

It’s also not just about the outward journey - what about getting back as well? It’s just not safe.

Rainbowsandflowers78 · 01/03/2018 20:57

Lovely - the worst weather is predicted tomorrow