To be refusing to travel in the snow tomorrow?

[BoyMeetsWorld]

So tomorrow we are meant to be driving 4 hours across country to get the ferry abroad to a very special birthday party of DHs family.

I understand why it's so important to him.

But the roads outside are literally lethal and the forecast tomorrow is worse.

We would be travelling with 2 small children.

DH is adamant that I'm being ridiculous...that we are driving out of the bad weather and it's much better over in Dover, plus we'll be on mostly motorways.

I keep saying he can't account for other drivers, the kids are going to freeze if there are ferry delays or motorway accidents and overall I just think it's bloody dangerous. My mum's begging us not to go.

Obviously I support him going if he really feels he must. But I really really don't want the children- and therefore me - to go.

AIBU ?

I drove down the M25 and the M1 today with just 2 year old DD in a peugeot. Absolutely fine!

They always grit the motorways, so you will be fine.

m23 is not gritted - DH just got off it.

Fuxache.

Your DH sounds appalling actually.

So desperate for his father's approval that he's willing to put his kids' lives at risk and then sulking when he doesn't get his own way?

He sounds all manner of dysfunctional tbh.

I agree with those saying he needs to sort his own feelings about his father out and sort his own fathering out. He's instinctively putting his own need for his father's approval, above the interests and welfare of his children.

That's not a very good sign.

You were absolutely right not to go. However, expressing a need (repeatedly) for him to tell you it's fine and back you up in the decision isn't going to get you anywhere. I know, I do it myself.

I really struggle with men who are trying to please fathers when the rest of us can see their every flaw. In this case, FiL clearly isn't that fussed about his grandchildren or he would agree to visit. It's about showing off to the rest of the family. Has DH got siblings in FiL's country? There might be competitiveness if so.

You won, you got what you wanted

It wasnt a fucking competition it was about the risk to her and her kids lives over a GF who doesnt give a damm.

Maybe read the post from person who lives in Dover!

If you check road conditions and the weather for the areas you will be travelling in that should give you an idea about whether or not anyone should go. Ferry operators will have info too. Motorways get the most attention from the gritters and plough, It's the side streets, housing areas that are affected longest. Agree that you will go if there are no warnings by any of the agencies covering the route you will use. Other than that, don't go. May not be the only absent guest.

Kent looked quite bad on the news, make sure if he goes he has shovel, flask of plain hot water, high energy food and blankets etc. Wouldn't be going with kids.

Imagine burying your babies. Don’t go. Your OH can go in his own if he is that keen.

MirriVan

What an excellent post. I totally agree with you.

I’m in Essex and this morning was okay but tonight it’s icy and slippery. Our local Tesco express which is always open shut two hours early because of the ice on the roads.

I feel for him regarding the obvious daddy issues. I have the same with my mum, a strong desire to please. It’s horrible. But he shouldn’t be taking it out on you or risking his children.

I doubt very much the roads to Dover are better. Once drove back from France and it was lethal. Also he may be the best driver in the world but you cannot account for other people.

It's a bit late but..... dover resident here. Absolutely avoid unless absolutely necessary.

I don’t know why anyone would be so stupid to even want to risk driving in it unless it was completely necessary!! We certainly wouldn’t have driven 25 miles on Wednesday had I not have needed to go to the hospital to be checked out and hooked up to Oxygen and attached to a drip! A journey that should’ve taken us 25 mins at the most took over an hour due to 3 RTC’s en route. We took the decision to check into a hotel for about 5 hours once I’d been discharged rather than risk trying to drive back home in it! My Guy is a Truck driver I’ve hated every moment he’s been out driving in it delivering to the stores so everyone else has milk etc!! He’s the most safest most careful driver i know but that doesn’t mean everyone else is!! If I had my way he’d have stayed at home until it all cleared!!

They are also thick in snow in France. A dear friend lives there so that's how I know. No he shouldn't be driving

I think the OP probably feels vindicated by now.