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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be refusing to travel in the snow tomorrow?

367 replies

BoyMeetsWorld · 01/03/2018 18:34

So tomorrow we are meant to be driving 4 hours across country to get the ferry abroad to a very special birthday party of DHs family.

I understand why it's so important to him.

But the roads outside are literally lethal and the forecast tomorrow is worse.

We would be travelling with 2 small children.

DH is adamant that I'm being ridiculous...that we are driving out of the bad weather and it's much better over in Dover, plus we'll be on mostly motorways.

I keep saying he can't account for other drivers, the kids are going to freeze if there are ferry delays or motorway accidents and overall I just think it's bloody dangerous. My mum's begging us not to go.

Obviously I support him going if he really feels he must. But I really really don't want the children- and therefore me - to go.

AIBU ?

OP posts:
LadyMarmyLard · 01/03/2018 19:10

Don't go.

corythatwas · 01/03/2018 19:12

My Swedish mother would go apeshit if we travelled under similar circumstances. Weather IS bad, British cars have no winter tyres, and British drivers are unused to driving in snow. This is just walking into danger.

constantlyseekinghappiness · 01/03/2018 19:14

I think it’s pure arrogance of the individuals who continue to drive in these conditions.

I currently live in the Red Alert area.

Stay at home and stop putting others at risk with such stupidity.

OP, you are right to think this a bad idea.

Huldas · 01/03/2018 19:15

Op my DH gets bloody unreasonable about traveling to see family in dodgy conditions/circumstances eg DC's sick. He digs in, dismisses all concerns, and tries to overrule. It's horrible and I feel your pain. Stand strong, just refuse to go. I am not in the UK but it looks as though you are having a very unusual weather event, and I don't think YABU. He might sulk, argue or whatever but he can't physically force you and dcs to get in that car. Just state your plans calmly and keep repeating. 'you are welcome to go. DC's and I will stay here as I think the weather is too risky for travel.' Don't be drawn into any further discussion, just keep calmly stating your position. It took me years to learn this and I can't count the number of arguements and travel misery I endured before I learned how to put a stop to it. I'll watch this thread and gone you a handholdBrewCakeFlowers

elisenbrunnen · 01/03/2018 19:16

Yeah OP - the weather warnings saying don't travel don't apply to you.

If dp says it's ok, it must be ok. Hmm Go and get stuck. That'll show him! Angry

YouCantGetHereFromThere · 01/03/2018 19:16

Tbh I have a 4WD and its great for all the snow we have had before xmas but for some reason I have been finding it really skiddey with this snow/ice and slip I seem to be slipping around more than other cars on the road at lower speeds (less than 10mph).

I also have a 4WD as do many drivers in my very snowy US state.

You see 4WDs off the road all the time. DH has a 4WD pick-up truck and spun it 360 the other day just pulling out of a carpark.

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 01/03/2018 19:16

British cars have no winter tyres, and British drivers are unused to driving in snow.

For assorted reasons, I put winter tyres on my car every October (ie, softer rubber, more sipes, a tread pattern which clears snow). I bought them out of curiosity some years ago, mounted on steel wheels, so I might as use them. They help, but they don't repeal the laws of physics, and I am probably more cautious about going out in bad conditions precisely because I understand the limitations of the tyres.

M5tothesouthwest · 01/03/2018 19:17

Absolutely do not travel unless necessary.

A 7 year old girl died today when a car slid out of control in the snow and into a house (she wasn't a passenger in the car). To be fair, I don't know the detail so the driver could've been a Dr responding to an emergency or something, but if they were just someone nipping our for milk or something that could've waited until it was safer.....Sad

PuppyMonkey · 01/03/2018 19:17

Not a chance. Bet you £20 the party will be cancelled anyway.

turnipfarmers · 01/03/2018 19:21

Don't go, it's not worth the risk.

ArchchancellorsHat · 01/03/2018 19:23

I wouldn't but where I am it was a red zone yesterday and is still snowing hard. But I keep seeing cars going up and down the road - crazy. The party is not more important that your or your children's lives and health.

Finola1step · 01/03/2018 19:23

I'm in West Kent. We've had the worst snow since we moved here in 2011. The main roads through main towns are probably ok. But couldn't tell you about main roads through the High Weald, the Motorways etc. I got caught for 3 hours in a sudden snow storm on the A21 a few years ago and the snow then was nothing like we have had.

We are forecast for more snow tomorrow afternoon to come in from the west.

rothbury · 01/03/2018 19:23

The area is now on amber alert.

I would stick to your guns, your DH is being ridiculous and selfish. Let me guess, is it MILS birthday?

Let him go alone but you and DC stay home. You say you would need a ferry so I imagine you are getting ferry from Dover? I would hide DC passports.

LoniceraJaponica · 01/03/2018 19:23

"DH is adamant that I'm being ridiculous"

And I am adamant that he is being ridiculous. Tell him to go on his own if he must go.

The police are advising people to avoid all but essential journeys. I doubt that they would class a birthday party as essential Hmm

Finola1step · 01/03/2018 19:24

Oh and please don't tell me you're driving across from the west country...

RainbowGlitterFairy · 01/03/2018 19:25

I'm in Kent, its still snowy here, with a lovely thick layer of ice underneath where it started to melt then snowed again, we are due more tonight and tomorrow. Apparently Dover isn't as bad as the rest of Kent but its not a journey I'd want to do with young DC.

StillMe1 · 01/03/2018 19:25

Honestly the "D"H must have a good conceit of himself. Not only does he think he can drive in these awful conditions he also thinks he has the right to take DW and DCs into danger.

He is ignoring Police advice. It is best not to ignore what an emergency services person tells you.
He is putting himself in a position where he might have to be rescued by those same emergency personnel. The emergency services have enough to do without having to deal with conceited idiots who think they know best.
Chain him to a chair and chuck snow at him

headintheproverbial · 01/03/2018 19:26

I honestly don't know why people keep trotting out the stuff about what happened on the M80 in Scotland. There was a red weather warning in place and many many inches of snow fell. Completely different to what has happened in the south east.

Having said that, I wouldn't risk it. The main roads are likely to be clear but it is bitterly cold and windy and there is more horrible weather forecast which will make it a horrendous journey.

hotcrossbunsandtea · 01/03/2018 19:27

Has he seen the news? The roads are horrific in most places. No birthday party is worth risking your life for.

Tell him he's more than welcome to go - on his own and not in your car!

BonnesVacances · 01/03/2018 19:27

Just let him go on his own and then turn your mobile off so he can't call you to moan when he gets stuck somewhere.

Riverside2 · 01/03/2018 19:28

YANBU

of course you shouldn't go. as for special birthday - I have a winter birthday and one "special" birthday I nearly cancelled myself on account of snow! the people who couldn't make it, okay, they couldn't make it, I certainly didn't want them getting stuck or in accidents. I was actually very relieved that no one was mad enough to try it.

elisenbrunnen · 01/03/2018 19:28

It's not just snow tho - it's freezing rain. I've driven in that once; it was fucking horrible, deadly. It freezes on the windscreen, on the road under your tyres, on the windows - it's really really dangerous. And they can't 'grit' or snowplough against it.

Really, don't try it.

Original poster
BoyMeetsWorld · 01/03/2018 19:32

No....his grandmother's 100th and there's every chance she won't be around too much longer so I really do understand why it's such a big deal to him and why HE must go. I just feel I can't risk our children, even for that.

I've shown him all these responses but he's having none of it...hes fixed on the one that says if we set off very early in a 4x4 it may be ok. He also says it's not 4 hours, more like 2...from the South East to Dover. But still...

I really don't know what to do. Every bit of me says it's a terrible terrible idea but he is having none of it.

OP posts:
TheDailyMailLovesTheEUReally · 01/03/2018 19:32

The M62 is currently shut with people still trapped on it because an emergency services vehicle caught fire - and it was only there to help people already stranded. There was a 16 car pile up on the M66 earlier.

But yes, by all means, the motorways are fine and your DH should absolutely jump in the car and make his completely unecessary journey. ..

brizzledrizzle · 01/03/2018 19:33

then turn your mobile off

^ This is ridiculous! FFS she should leave her mobile on.