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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be refusing to travel in the snow tomorrow?

367 replies

BoyMeetsWorld · 01/03/2018 18:34

So tomorrow we are meant to be driving 4 hours across country to get the ferry abroad to a very special birthday party of DHs family.

I understand why it's so important to him.

But the roads outside are literally lethal and the forecast tomorrow is worse.

We would be travelling with 2 small children.

DH is adamant that I'm being ridiculous...that we are driving out of the bad weather and it's much better over in Dover, plus we'll be on mostly motorways.

I keep saying he can't account for other drivers, the kids are going to freeze if there are ferry delays or motorway accidents and overall I just think it's bloody dangerous. My mum's begging us not to go.

Obviously I support him going if he really feels he must. But I really really don't want the children- and therefore me - to go.

AIBU ?

OP posts:
Original poster
BoyMeetsWorld · 01/03/2018 20:08

brizzledrizzle that's the problem we aren't any of those areas, we are home counties, heading to Dover. So when I say about the warnings he just says they apply to other areas but not us. He keeps going on about Glasgow as an example of 'not applying to us '.

OP posts:
JollyJuniper · 01/03/2018 20:09

There's a very high chance dover and calais ports will close. High winds forecast. If they do close, expect lorries to queue on the motorway. I wouldn't do it.

Rainbowsandflowers78 · 01/03/2018 20:09

Get a back bone - just refuse to go and take the kids
If he doesn’t get over it or understand he’s pretty unreasonable and selfish!
Would you ever forgive him if you crashed or the kids got stuck for hours in the freezing cold?!

Riverside2 · 01/03/2018 20:09

OP I'd tell him to go alone if he's that adamant

but I'm also wondering what granny thinks. Okay, I wasn't celebrating my 100th but the same applies - I would never say anyone should go on the roads this weather to get to anything other than a dire emergency.

snabigailflagstabble · 01/03/2018 20:11

not a chance will my child be going anywhere near a road in this country in this weather.

rothbury · 01/03/2018 20:11

Is this man the boss of you or something? Why do you have to do what he says?

Are you really going to let him take your children out on these dangerous roads because he's such an arrogant twat he won't back down? Someone has to stand up for their interests.

He needs your permission to take them abroad without you, so I would simply tell him that you will not give permission. This situation is crazy though. Does he have form for being such a wankbadger?

PippinOrange · 01/03/2018 20:13

I wouldn't in a million years.

expatinscotland · 01/03/2018 20:13

I've shown him all these responses but he's having none of it...hes fixed on the one that says if we set off very early in a 4x4 it may be ok. He also says it's not 4 hours, more like 2...from the South East to Dover. But still...

I really don't know what to do. Every bit of me says it's a terrible terrible idea but he is having none of it.

He does NOT get to decide to put his kids and you in danger like that. There is an amber warning for that area. Police are telling people not to travel if it's not essential.

You tell him he goes on his own. You and the kids will NOT be going. If he wants to fight in front of the kids, he's free to do so, but he will not be putting the kids in danger and tbh, I'd call the fucking police on him if he tried to force because amber warning doesn't extend to travel to a fucking birthday party abroad.

He's being a completely selfish knob. Why on Earth allow him to bully you into putting your kids in danger?

Rainbowsandflowers78 · 01/03/2018 20:14

Yes really don’t understand why he is making the decision not you?
He can’t take them abroad without your consent. Don’t give it. Keep your kids safe and happy at home and let him go alone. Visit granny in a few weekends time with the kids.

Prometheus · 01/03/2018 20:14

How can he ‘make you’ pack. Just say no woman!

expatinscotland · 01/03/2018 20:15

Sorry, left out quotation marks in post during my ire.

'I've shown him all these responses but he's having none of it...hes fixed on the one that says if we set off very early in a 4x4 it may be ok. He also says it's not 4 hours, more like 2...from the South East to Dover. But still...

I really don't know what to do. Every bit of me says it's a terrible terrible idea but he is having none of it.'

PhuntSox · 01/03/2018 20:15

Are the ferries still ok? I would have thought they would have been cancelled! He only has to wait until Saturday...

LondonHereICome · 01/03/2018 20:17

He sounds abusive! He 'made' you pack?? How?

Kursk · 01/03/2018 20:19

Is the car prepared? Food, water. Blankets, shovel, tow rope.

That’s my bare minimum. We normally add a winch to that as well for winter driving.

expatinscotland · 01/03/2018 20:19

'At the moment he's agreed to see what it's like at 6am but has made me pack and says if there's no incidents on the motorways at that time and he checks the roadmaps and they look ok, we are going. Trouble is, his version of looking ok is definitely not the same as mine...no roads are looking ok to me at the moment!!

Short of flat out refusing to let him take the children which he may well never forgive me for, I don't think there's anything I can do to get him to see sense. I thoight about asking his mum (my MIL) to see if she'd back me but I've got a nasty feeling she'd agree with him. Not sure though.'

How can he 'make you pack'?! Is he always this much of a bullying cunt? You tell him NO. He cannot force you or take your children without your permission. You just tell him NO. 'He'll never forgive you', well if he doesn't, he's a real cunt, because only a twat would put their family in danger for a birthday party. You have to be a serious twat who doesn't deserve kids to do that. Could you forgive him if you get into an accident that injures your kids or worse because he was being an arrogant SOB who put a 100-year-old before his own bloody kids? I couldn't. If I were his mother I'd rip him a new head. If I were his gran I would, too. Sounds like he comes from a family of selfish tossers. Fuck that.

Viviennemary · 01/03/2018 20:19

It's just simply not safe. Never a million years risk a journey like this with small children in this weather. Stay at home.

YouCantGetHereFromThere · 01/03/2018 20:20

Sheesh. These are your children. It's your job to protect them.

GrouchyKiwi · 01/03/2018 20:21

I really think you need to put your foot down, OP, and refuse to go. They don't issue these warnings lightly.

If he gets upset then tough luck. Better upset husband than injured - or dead - children. For the sake of a birthday party, even for a 100 year old? No.

ruleshelpcontrolthefun · 01/03/2018 20:22

Grow a bloody back bone! Yes you absolutely can refuse to let him take the DC in the morning. They have no say and are relying on you to look out for their best interests. God knows your "D"H won't. Let him risk his neck if he wants. My friend's DH spent 10 hours on the motorway last night. Thank goodness she was at home with their DS.

WunWegWunDarWun · 01/03/2018 20:22

What would be worse, something awful happening to you all or him 'never forgiving you'?

And really, if he never forgave you for not allowing you to keep your children safe, what would that say about him?

And of course he can't fucking make you pack.

rothbury · 01/03/2018 20:22

I agree with expat I think "Bullying cunt" is the phrase we have all been searching for here.

Short of flat out refusing to let him take the children which he may well never forgive me for, so you would rather endanger your children that upset him? Wow.

Viviennemary · 01/03/2018 20:22

I'd call the police too if he threatened to take the DC's out in these weather conditions on a long journey.

ssd · 01/03/2018 20:23

agree with expat, totally

expatinscotland · 01/03/2018 20:25

I would, too, Vivienne. I can't believe anyone would be so incredibly stupid.

CaptainBrickbeard · 01/03/2018 20:26

I bet his grandmother would be far more upset at the idea of her grandson and great-grandchildren putting themselves in danger for her birthday than if you didn’t go. And imagine if you do have an accident and are injured or worse? That would devastate her far, far beyond your cancellation.