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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be refusing to travel in the snow tomorrow?

367 replies

BoyMeetsWorld · 01/03/2018 18:34

So tomorrow we are meant to be driving 4 hours across country to get the ferry abroad to a very special birthday party of DHs family.

I understand why it's so important to him.

But the roads outside are literally lethal and the forecast tomorrow is worse.

We would be travelling with 2 small children.

DH is adamant that I'm being ridiculous...that we are driving out of the bad weather and it's much better over in Dover, plus we'll be on mostly motorways.

I keep saying he can't account for other drivers, the kids are going to freeze if there are ferry delays or motorway accidents and overall I just think it's bloody dangerous. My mum's begging us not to go.

Obviously I support him going if he really feels he must. But I really really don't want the children- and therefore me - to go.

AIBU ?

OP posts:
ChishandFips33 · 02/03/2018 10:37

I'm sorry but if grandfather (and wife) isn't willing to travel to you and stay in a B&B (that you offered to pay for) so that your children aren't put at risk (even if it's a minor risk) then that says so much about Grandfather!

I'm also sorry this has likely managed to resurface many of your DHs feelings and hope you can work together to move forward

Dietordietrying · 02/03/2018 10:42

I wasn't saying the OP is at fault for refusing to take the kids to her FIL's home country. My point was the husband is clearly stuck in the middle and the vile name calling and vitriol aimed at him here seems OTT. He's not handling the disappointment well, but he has said he doesn't blame OP and yet people are reacting like he's the worst husband in history!

brownpurse · 02/03/2018 10:50

He's really sad and disappointed. Give him a break!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 02/03/2018 10:55

it's not fair to blame OP's anxiety for being unwilling to travel to a country that has had a travel warning imposed!

No of course not but the point I was trying to make was that if the OP is a generally anxious person to the point it causes problems between her and her DH, which she says it does, then maybe he just looks on this as another anxiety hence he doesn't take it on board. Maybe he feels he spends a lot of time compromising and this to him was just too much.

Pinkfrangipani · 02/03/2018 10:58

Fair enough @Dietordietrying and @BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack
Think it just hit a nerve re my situation! Confused

19lottie82 · 02/03/2018 11:02

He's really sad and disappointed. Give
him a break!

Yes of course he is but that doesn’t give him the right to stonewall, then be fucking horrible to the OP. What has she done wrong??

He needs to pull up his big boy pants and stop being a dick.

rothbury · 02/03/2018 11:06

I still say he is a bullying cunt. He is now punishing you.

Is this usual behaviour from him?

wakemeupbefore · 02/03/2018 11:09

...Japonica, my critisism was pointed at loons who have no idea how to handle a vechicle in slippery conditions Hmm, meaning no harsh braking and jumping on accelarator, quick turns of the wheel etc etc. Anyone who holds a valid DL should know to avoid the above in wet/snowy conditions, yet motorway was full of eejits doing just that. Queue of horrific crashes Hmm.

Dietordietrying · 02/03/2018 11:14

If he really was a bullying c----, then OP would be in a car on her way to Dover with two screaming kids in the back, surely?

ArialAnna · 02/03/2018 11:20

OP, did you say the travel ban to your fil's country had been recently lifted? If so, could you not reconsider making a trip? I know the thought of travelling to a country that's only recently been banned might make you nervous, but the foreign office tend to err heavily on the side of caution, so if they are saying it's now safe to go then it will be no more dangerous than going anywhere else abroad.

TamzinGrey · 02/03/2018 11:34

OP - the M20 through Kent is currently closed in both directions at 4 places due to multiple accidents. We're currently getting freezing rain here in Kent which is turning to black ice as soon as it hits the ground. So good that you cancelled.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 02/03/2018 12:02

The ice is forecast until 9am after which the temperatures will remain above freezing for the rest of the weekend. There is no reason not to travel after 9 tomorrow. This can still be reduced.

LinesInTheSnow · 02/03/2018 12:18

Kent Police say 59 accidents this morning in rush hour - so you'd have driven into that, OP.

You should be ok to go tomorrow after 9am, as pp said.

julesofdenial · 02/03/2018 12:21

Kent police have just said that there were 59 accidents during rush hour this morning, 20 of those occurring within 5 minutes!

AnnieAnoniMouse · 02/03/2018 12:31

ArielAnna. Fuck that for a joke. There’s no way I’d take my children to a country where a travel ban has just been lifted and fathers/husbands/men have all the rights and mothers/wives/women have none. Just look at how he was willing to put his wife & children’s lives at risk to please his father, how far would he go in his father’s home & home country. No fucking way would I go

BoyMeetsWorld. The snow is light in parts of Dover, but you had to get there and most of the roads getting there are very bad, lots of pile ups and delays. You made the right decision, even in hindsight. You made the only sane decision last night.

Yes he’s upset, yes it’s oribably best not t go on about it, but in turn he needs to grow up and stop making yours and the children’s long weekend fucking miserable. Tell him to accept you were right with good grace or take his bad mood out of the house.

Then in a few days when he has calmed down you need to talk. He needs to address why exactly he was so willing to put all of your lives at risk for a man who doesn’t give a shit. Yes he’s looking for his father’s love and attention because he was abandoned as a child, but he needs to address that as an adult and as a father himself. His twat if a father will fly to France to see someone who doesn’t recognise him because he gets Kudos from doing so. He won’t visit his grandchildren because he won’t sleep in a single bed or stay in a hotel despite being able to afford it. He’s a twat. Your husband needs to stop seeking approval from him and he needs to look at his own parenting. Having favourites and acting like a twat, making his son cry to visit family...it’s shit parenting and he needs to wise up, and fast.

BrownTurkey · 02/03/2018 12:33

Yes, he is disappointed, and moody, but as he has clarified, its not your fault. The advice was not to travel, he knows that too.

ArchchancellorsHat · 02/03/2018 12:36

I think she said that the country fil is in has only just been declared safe for western travellers. And that fil wouldn't visit them, either staying in one of the kids rooms or at a bnb. It's not quite the same as just choosing not to go because the beach is bad.

ladymelbourne1926 · 02/03/2018 12:50

He absolutely shouldn't be blaming you, the advice was not to travel however not all of the country is the same and he is allowed to be disappointed.
I've made an unavoidable journey round the m25 from east anglia and into Kent this morning and it's been fine, roads are the best they've been in days, so I'd probably have reassessed this morning after yesterday given how much it meant to him.

kally195 · 02/03/2018 12:55

OP - as many other people have mentioned, the M20 has been a nightmare this morning and the A20 was shut. It is now snowing again (I'm off junction 11 of the M20).

Empathise with the source of your husband's disappointment, but please try not to feel guilty. The correct decision was, in my opinion, made.

TheMadGardener · 02/03/2018 13:12

This is the travel warning for people driving towards the coast on the M20 as of 30 minutes ago ...You can feel glad that you are not stuck in this! Show your not-so-D H these warnings and tell him to stop moaning.

Emergency crews are dealing with two multi-vehicle accidents on the M20.
A six-vehicle crash coastbound between junctions eight and nine near Ashford has left just one lane open and at least one person injured.
Two cars, two lorries and two vans were involved in the accident, which happened just before 08:45 GMT.
Further up the M20, the coastbound carriageway is completely blocked because of an eight-vehicle crash involving two lorries, five cars and a van, between junctions three and four.
At least one of the vehicles is on fire.
Drivers are being warned to take extra care because of black ice on the carriageways.

yolofish · 02/03/2018 13:19

madgardener I am down at the bottom of the M20 and its snowing heavily here now... OP you made the right decision.

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 02/03/2018 13:53

Sorry if I've missed it but were you going to be driving onwards from Calais? Because motorways around Calais are currently closed due to freezing rain. We are supposed to be doing a trip to family this evening, but thankfully DH and I and family in in France are all agreed...no way!

expatinscotland · 02/03/2018 14:32

'He's said he knows everything I'm saying is right but wants me to just stop going on about it basically. It doesn't make it any better that we could have made it if we'd set off early when the roads were quiet and just gone slowly.'

So still full of shit and sulking. Because you wouldn't have made it. I'd be fucking furious with him and telling him he's being a dick. Because he is.

GabsAlot · 02/03/2018 14:36

i wouldnt go to a recedntly banned country either why is everyone saying op shold go there

he can come to the uk he just wont its perfectly safe here

op your oh is being nasty though saying its not you but making you feel it is and he can still go hes just placing it all on you

BrendasUmbrella · 02/03/2018 15:03

To be fair, you probably would have made it, but why take that risk with the safety of your dc's? There were accidents on the M20 today, you could have been in one of them.

Side note - your DH needs to work through his issues with his DF...

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