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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be refusing to travel in the snow tomorrow?

367 replies

BoyMeetsWorld · 01/03/2018 18:34

So tomorrow we are meant to be driving 4 hours across country to get the ferry abroad to a very special birthday party of DHs family.

I understand why it's so important to him.

But the roads outside are literally lethal and the forecast tomorrow is worse.

We would be travelling with 2 small children.

DH is adamant that I'm being ridiculous...that we are driving out of the bad weather and it's much better over in Dover, plus we'll be on mostly motorways.

I keep saying he can't account for other drivers, the kids are going to freeze if there are ferry delays or motorway accidents and overall I just think it's bloody dangerous. My mum's begging us not to go.

Obviously I support him going if he really feels he must. But I really really don't want the children- and therefore me - to go.

AIBU ?

OP posts:
CherryMaDeary · 02/03/2018 07:00

Loving the assumption that everyone owns an Apple product hmm
We are an Android household and use Skype. Apple aren’t the only provider of hardware hmm

Lonicera Strange thing to get riled about. The poster has Apple products so used their experience to post. They may not ever have thought about Skype on Android.

'We are an Android household' sounds a bit wanky too.

Original poster
BoyMeetsWorld · 02/03/2018 07:17

Thank you everyone who helped.

Didn't help got up this morning to smallest child crying that he wanted to go and see the family and that he could see cars driving down our road...which of course just confirmed to DH that he was right. There is also no snow fall at all here, though major winds. But that's not the point...its all over the news how bad it is and there are gale force 7s at Dover.

DH literally isn't speaking to me, only the DCs. It just feels really unfair but the trouble is I know in his head he 100% believes he's right and I've completely over reacted and ruined an opportunity for his family to see the children, just out of spite. So if he truly believes that, he's not acting out of nasty behaviour. And there's nothing I can say, I just have to accept the brunt of his mood and know it was the right thing to do.

He's just read all the news and told me "there's no traffic on the road. We'd be practically there by now". I said yes...becayse they've warned everyone not to travel! But he just absolutely cannot see it like that.

OP posts:
SouthWestmom · 02/03/2018 07:25

Well it totally depends on the route you would take. Links to Cornwall and Glasgow are a bit pointless as are pp experiences of their own road.

Biggest risk would have been Derry cancellation probably.

Either you'll be proved right and he'll come round or you'll have him seething for a few days with disappointment.

boatyardblues · 02/03/2018 07:27

Your update OP Shock Your husband is behaving appallingly. I am sorry you are having to put up with this. It is not OK for him to be punidhing you like this.

ItsAllABitStrangeReally · 02/03/2018 07:30

Oh dear, he isn't the brightest is he ??

Can you take the kids to stay elsewhere for a while?? I really couldn't be arsed tip toeing around a manchild Hmm

ArchchancellorsHat · 02/03/2018 07:36

He sounds like a complete cunt. Nothing you've posted suggests anything other than bullying cunt. And giving you the silent treatment is just not on. I'd genuinely reconsider my relationship after this.

ArchchancellorsHat · 02/03/2018 07:37

That said, I do understand his disappointment - just not the behaviour.

HippieGoth91 · 02/03/2018 07:38

35 car pile up (20 one side, 15 the other) near me yesterday. Would I be travelling for something that isn't essential, would I heck.

Dietordietrying · 02/03/2018 07:38

This is why I could never be married to a sulker! Your DH isn't behaving reasonably, but I do understand why he's upset. Is the party actually today? Could you not join everyone tomorrow instead, when it'll be warming up and roads much clearer? A friend of mine is due to be coming the other way today, from Calais to Dover, and texted earlier to say the ferries are running with delays (up to 90 mins) but that sea conditions are being reported as "moderate". Tomorrow it should be fine.

MaryLennoxsScowl · 02/03/2018 07:43

I would be so hurt and offended that my husband could possibly think I would stop him doing something out of spite. He has such a low opinion of you! If you pointed that out to him would he realise how awful he’s being?

Middleoftheroad · 02/03/2018 07:46

He's being a selfish, childish man, thinking only of himself.
Ignore him as your children's safety (not to mention yours and others out there) is paramount.

GnotherGnu · 02/03/2018 07:52

FFS, if it's so important to him for his family to see the children, why doesn't he push them to come to visit? It's much easier for his father to visit you than for the whole family to flog across the channel at any time, let alone in current weather conditions. If they haven't seen the children, why do they bear no responsibility for that fact?

Frazzled2207 · 02/03/2018 07:56

You did the right thing. I am sorry he is being such an arse.

MaverickSnoopy · 02/03/2018 07:58

OP I just read this thread this morning and am so relieved you're not travelling.

Even if you live in an area where you have little or no snow, it's still dangerous out there with the awful winds and especially if you're travelling to and area with bad snow.

We live in an area with hardly any snow. There's enough to build a small snowman if you worked REALLY hard. However there are no cars on the roads and people have been warned not to travel unless necessary. All local schools are closed because they don't want people travelling (not just because of the small amount of snow but because of ice, freezing temperatures and wind). DH had to go to work today (26 miles away) and to an area with the same amount of snow. He usually leaves at 6:15am and today he left at 5:45am and got there at the same time when there were literally no cars on the road. That's an extra half an hour on a 26 mile journey. You would have been travelling into an area with heavy snow so you would have without doubt had delays. It would have been a horrendous journey with the crossing too. I have family in Kent and the photos they sent were awful. It's the worst snow they've had for years.

It sounds like your DH will always hold this against you and although you're not going, I can't help but think that unless he can see he is wrong, that he will always hold this against you. He doesn't want to see that you are right though.

MaverickSnoopy · 02/03/2018 07:58

OP I just read this thread this morning and am so relieved you're not travelling.

Even if you live in an area where you have little or no snow, it's still dangerous out there with the awful winds and especially if you're travelling to and area with bad snow.

We live in an area with hardly any snow. There's enough to build a small snowman if you worked REALLY hard. However there are no cars on the roads and people have been warned not to travel unless necessary. All local schools are closed because they don't want people travelling (not just because of the small amount of snow but because of ice, freezing temperatures and wind). DH had to go to work today (26 miles away) and to an area with the same amount of snow. He usually leaves at 6:15am and today he left at 5:45am and got there at the same time when there were literally no cars on the road. That's an extra half an hour on a 26 mile journey. You would have been travelling into an area with heavy snow so you would have without doubt had delays. It would have been a horrendous journey with the crossing too. I have family in Kent and the photos they sent were awful. It's the worst snow they've had for years.

It sounds like your DH will always hold this against you and although you're not going, I can't help but think that unless he can see he is wrong, that he will always hold this against you. He doesn't want to see that you are right though.

wakemeupbefore · 02/03/2018 08:05

UK needs to get a grip on winter Hmm.
Yes, it has been snowing, but it's not 'apocalyptic' nor 'lethal' as Telegraph put it. I drove 300miles through the so-called red-zone yest evening and saw so many utter idiots driving like total loons, with no understnding how to control a car in 3 inches of snow. Queue horrific crashes.
Sometimes it snows, even in the UK and basic understanding on how to handle the stuff is not a rocket science.

Viviene · 02/03/2018 08:12

I'm sorry but I'm with your husband on this one. It's 100th birthday so it's not like it's gonna happen again any time soon.
Could he not have gone on his own? I would be sulking too l if my DP told me not to go in those circumstances.

I am a confident driver and I can drive in different conditions, including snow and high winds. That being said the problem in those conditions is idiots on summer tires thinking they can manage / don't. need winter tires etc .

Watching the news this morning - all those people stranded on motorways with no fuel, no blankets and no water or food - wtf were they thinking?

Is your route clear?

Mogleflop · 02/03/2018 08:19

Apologies if I've missed this.

Why can't he arrange to see his dad next week? Or any week afterwards?

KERALA1 · 02/03/2018 08:21

If he was that bothered he could have gone on his own.

Does he think so little of you he could even contemplate that you would stop him going just to be unkind, for no good reason?

Are his extended family so selfish they would want a young family to make such a journey on their account?

He obviously has serious daddy issues. If fil was that bothered about your dh and his grandchildren he would have made the effort to come and see you. Presumably easier for one adult to travel than a family of 4 with tiny children? Why do you all have to race over to be presented to him? Is he an emperor or something?

Whole load of weirdness in this set up op.

HandbagKrabby · 02/03/2018 08:25

You made the right decision. How much nicer to be stuck at home than stuck on the motorway. Gran will still be there in a week or so when it’s all died down. Your dh and fil sound very similar tbh.

UnRavellingFast · 02/03/2018 08:29

@Viviene it's not summer tyres it's just tyres here in uk. We hardly get this weather so having winter tyres fitted for a day or two is not practical and they are not effective when there is no snow or ice in the ground. Yes there's been a bit of a drama but given that most ppl don't have the tyres car or experience to drive in snow here on our small rainy island, it's reasonable to tell ppl to stay off the roads for the day or two that we have serious snow.

Allergictoironing · 02/03/2018 08:31

@Viviene Please RTFT before posting. The OP has already said she told her DH he was welcome to go on his own, but he said he didn't want to do the journey without them. It's become clear that the issue isn't as much that the person who's birthday it is would miss them but his father, who can't be arsed to come to the UK, wants them to go so he can see his grandchildren.

UnRavellingFast · 02/03/2018 08:32

Also op didn't stop him going, she just didn't want to take children which is sensible. Manchild can do what he wants. I bet op wishes to god he would fuck off over the channel given that he's not speaking to her due to her being a sane grown up. Sorry bit over invested because my ex would behave like this and it riles me that some people do this.

smudgedlipstick · 02/03/2018 08:33

Lineyshanks no that would be Dover, Kent, where I am sat in the port right now with absolutely no snow....... as well as the two Neighbouring towns also have no snow.. fair enough further out has some but the motorways down here are clear

LittleLionMansMummy · 02/03/2018 08:34

The police have said this morning in the hardest hit areas that there needs to be a more literal interpretation of 'essential travel only'. That seems pretty clear to me. If we were planning to make this trip with our two children for a family member's birthday, I know for a fact they'd pretty much instruct us not to come. I think they'd also decide, for everyone's sake, to postpone the celebration. It's not even so much the danger to you yourself but the likelihood of a route becoming impassable either due to snow itself or an accident and then you're stuck in a car in a road closure in the freezing cold with two children.

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