To think dh has been moaning about me to friends

[Introvertpants]

Dh planned a trip away with friends last week and they went away. I was annoyed that me and dd don't get a holiday and was a bit off with dh but not a major falling out or anything but made it known I was a bit upset about us missing out on the chance of break while he went to his lads weekend.

Anyway dh shared a room with one of his friends. Me and his friend have been friends on Facebook for years and years. We aren't close as we don't see each other a lot but I went to school with him and he is dh best friend.
I just went to tag dh in a post with his best friend and saw that I have been deleted by the friend. We were friends last week when they were away. I have checked and he has some of my friends on there that he doesn't talk to and other friends from school etc so he's not went on a deleting spree or anything.
I am so hurt because it's obvious he doessnt like me if he's deleted me.
I asked dh about it and asked if he had been discussing why I was narky but he got really defensive and said he has said nothing.
I'm now crying upset because it's horrible to realise your the friends girlfriend nobody likes and I thought me and dh were really happy.
There's just no other reason I can think of why he doesn't like me. I don't post a lot on Facebook so I'm not annoying online or anything. Aibu to distrust what dh is saying and believe that I have been bitched and moaned about?

Dh asked why and he said he deleted me ages ago when him and dh fell out but it's not true because we were friends the other day on Facebook.

That makes a lot more sense. Pehaps you didn't notice he defriended you in the past and misremember seeing him as a friend more recently.

You're over thinking everything; you sound really difficult

Ffs get a grip

OP, you’ve been given similar advice before and you seemed to take it on board and were thinking about developing your own interests and getting out and socialising more. You don’t even really need to do that, there’s nothing wrong with being an introvert or enjoying spending time at home and with family more than going out.

But it is wrong to insist that somebody else changes to fit in with that. And it’s not fair to resent your partner because he has more friends than you and a more active social life. You’ve said yourself your partner is perfectly happy to help with childcare if you want a night out or to go away.

Your partner has more friends than you and a more active social life and this is making you unhappy. So you basically have three choices.

You could decide that you are going to try and develop your own interests, social life and friendships. You could join groups, make an effort to socialise more with DPs friends and their partners, invite them around, have nights out. Make your own friends and have your own interests so you don’t resent DPs.

Or you could accept that you are an introvert and a homebody and enjoy being at home with DP and DD and recognise that you don’t feel the need for a big circle of friends or nights out all the time. But also recognise that your DP is not an introvert and be happy for him to see his friends regularly and socialise even if it’s not your thing.

The third thing you could do is carry on as you are making your DP feel bad and sitting at home full of resentment and bitterness when he’s out but when he’s at home have him feeling bitter at not being allowed out. And of course having his friends resent you too.

The difference is in the first two cases you will both be happy. But if you continue on like this you will both be miserable. And I agree with a PP who said the deletion could well be a sign DP is getting his ducks in a row to leave.

Honestly give your DH a break. It's not his fault if his friends don't like you. You need to stop giving him a hard time over this & focus on your own friends. If my OH was constantly asking why my friends deleted him off social media and trying to blame me for it I would question whether this is the kind of relationship I wanted. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter. They're his friends not yours.

Surely he'd just 'unfollow' OP if he didn't like her posts but stay 'friends' on fb for manners sake? Hhhe iis making a point here but fuck knows what it is. I'd be inclined to message/speak to him in a lighthearted jokey way 'Oh you cheeky fucker! Why have you Facebook dumped me?!' or some such.

I asked earlier how you knew you had been friends until just after the trip you said it was Because you had seen his photos, you also said that his profile is open so you could have seen those without being friends! They would also have come up on your news feed if any mutual friends were tagged! So you have no reason to doubt what has been said! So why are you still overthinking all this and trying to make an issue where there isn't one?? It does make it seem like you would quite like the justification to kick off with this friend and force your Dp into making a choice!

OP the tone of your posts changed as soon as EltonJohn and others had read other threads of yours.
You suddenly changed and said that you had no problem at all with your husband/boyfriend seeing his friends and family.
I feel that Elton has hit the nail on the head and "outed" you as being controlling and abusive to your boyfriend.
Hopefully, his friends and family are aware of what you are doing and will support him.

The other thing is that you contradict yourself all the time. Your SIL invited everyone on Boxing Day to compete with you on Christmas Day, then she had invited herself over for Christmas Eve, Day and Boxing Day —or vice versa—

Eltonjohnssyrup - great advice!

OP, I haven’t read the other threads, but from what’s being said here (and from your backtracking) it sounds perfectly reasonable that your husband’s friends wouldn’t like you much. You resent spending time with them. You’ve got a man who’s willing to look after a child that isn’t biologically his so that you can socialise...but you don’t do it. You guilt trip him when he goes to spend time with his friends, because you’re jealous that you’re not doing the same. And that sounds like it’s just the tip of it?

Your husband has probably talked to his friend about this; that’s not unreasonable. The friend might not like what you’re doing to him. That’s his choice.

You can make an effort to rectify it, if you want to, or you can leave it. That’s up to you.

It's totally not ok to bring in other threads.

I have read OP's other threads now and I'm shocked by the extent to which Elton misrepresented OP's life. I've seen her do the similar on other threads, but I've never followed it up before by reading the old posts myself. I don't think it comes from a good place.

It's totally fine to bring up other threads, don't be so bloody ridiculous and start creating your own rules for the forum. That's nuts.

And I think Elton has hit the nail on the head, as soon as she wrote I recognised who this was.

And if it was a man behaving as the op is towards their partner, friends and family you can be damn sure everyone would be baying ltb.

Can't stand it when people say bad behaviour is ok because it's a woman who does it. Oh and the ones who make uo forum rules and post em.

Of course it’s ok to bring in other threads. How ridiculous to suggest otherwise because you don’t like it.

As for saying that elton misrepresented things, clearly you’re not reading the same threads as the rest of us then.

I don’t think I’ve ever done an AS before so that’s bullshit riding, —ahem, sock puppet—. And as I said, the only reason why I did it this time was because there was an inconsistency in this thread about whether she was his wife or girlfriend which the OP wouldn’t clarify. Finding the other threads was incidental to that, but having seen them I felt I had to call the OP out. Pretending this sort of behaviour is fine doesn’t help anybody, least of all the OP who sounds like she is well on the way to destroying this relationship.

And you can bitch about me all you want. But anybody can use the AS and see that what I’m saying is completely true and I haven’t misrepresented it at all. In fact you have just succeeded in making yourself look a bit of a twat.

@Eltonjohnssyrup I agree with everything you have said

Notwithstanding other threads (I haven’t read them) my advice to you would be to delete your Facebook account.

Facebook isn’t suited to everyone and, in your case, it seems to be having a negative impact on your health and self esteem.

I think you are reading way too much into this and it is affecting your life and the lives of people around you.

He could’ve deleted you from his friend list for a million reasons - maybe spending time with your dh reminded him he meant to do it before, perhaps he doesn’t want you as a Facebook friend, or perhaps he just had a clear out. Regardless of the reason, it doesn’t matter. In the grand scheme of things it’s irrelevant.

I can imagine you could feel a little hurt if you are the only person he deleted, but unless you are keeping tracks on everyone’s friend lists you don’t know that. And if you are doing this then then you are taking Facebook too seriously.

Facebook can be a great tool for keeping in touch, but it can also be dangerous too. Delete your account (or at least take a break) and concentrate on repairing real life relationships.

Sorry if advice seems harsh, but I think it will help.

Advanced search is there to be able to use.

I do use it, but just if I think someone is lying about something. When I find out they are I just ignore them and the thread.

Other people choose to call them out on it. You can't decide how people choose to use the forum.

This all sounds exhausting. Either approach the friend yourself or let it go. Stop putting pressure on your DP - he is allowed to see friends and family without passive aggression or ‘punishment’.

Incidentally riding, I’ve tried to be constructive and offer the OP advice. You haven’t added much to the thread but nasty comments.

I don’t think it would be either kind or helpful to let the OP think this is okay. It’s really self destructive behaviour and it just creates a cycle. The OP keeps pushing people away then getting upset when people don’t warm to her or want to be friends. She sounds really unhappy but an awful lot of that unhappiness seems to be of her own making because she’s looking for problems that don’t exist.

She has a little girl, a partner, support, a new home. She has a lot of opportunities for contentment but she’s ruining it by creating problems that don’t exist.

AS is actually an incredibly useful feature of the site.

You're not actually accusing me of being a sock puppet. A quick use of the AS function would have cured you of that.

It's fine to use the search function, but it's bad form to bring in shit from other threads and use it against the OP. Posters here with intelligence and integrity don't do it.

Unless you think it's a troll in which case you report.

I haven't made any nasty comments. I read the thread, read OP's previous posts as there was so much discussion, and was struck by the misrepresentation. It was an entirely objective observation.

I disagree entirely. If someone writes a thread it’s completely unreasonable to expect people to take what is written in that thread and that thread alone as the only thing you comment on if other threads point to things not being as the OP is trying to make them out to be.

TBH I thought the OP sounded controlling and emotionally abusive from this thread alone, but AS does show that incredibly clearly.

And I imagine that if someone had advance searched the OP and come back saying “it seems obvious that your DH is being abusive given you write elsewhere that he goes away every other weekend and has actively discouraged you from going with him or his friends even though all the other partners go along,” you wouldn’t be saying that it was unreasonable to bring that up?

So what is the mis representation? Even looking at the op’s thread titles you can see she doesn’t like people

OP is being emotionally abusive whether she means to or not. I feel sorry for the DH