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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think dh has been moaning about me to friends

241 replies

Introvertpants · 01/03/2018 13:55

Dh planned a trip away with friends last week and they went away. I was annoyed that me and dd don't get a holiday and was a bit off with dh but not a major falling out or anything but made it known I was a bit upset about us missing out on the chance of break while he went to his lads weekend.

Anyway dh shared a room with one of his friends. Me and his friend have been friends on Facebook for years and years. We aren't close as we don't see each other a lot but I went to school with him and he is dh best friend.
I just went to tag dh in a post with his best friend and saw that I have been deleted by the friend. We were friends last week when they were away. I have checked and he has some of my friends on there that he doesn't talk to and other friends from school etc so he's not went on a deleting spree or anything.
I am so hurt because it's obvious he doessnt like me if he's deleted me.
I asked dh about it and asked if he had been discussing why I was narky but he got really defensive and said he has said nothing.
I'm now crying upset because it's horrible to realise your the friends girlfriend nobody likes and I thought me and dh were really happy.
There's just no other reason I can think of why he doesn't like me. I don't post a lot on Facebook so I'm not annoying online or anything. Aibu to distrust what dh is saying and believe that I have been bitched and moaned about?

OP posts:

ChaosNeverRains · 01/03/2018 20:07

Curious as well to know what the misrepresentation is, because from what I’ve seen there certainly hasn’t been any.

OnionKnight · 01/03/2018 20:07

If the OP's previous posts are even half true then I'm not surprised that she isn't well liked.

She's abusive and I hope her DH or boyfriend gains the strength to LTB.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 01/03/2018 20:09

Oh give over Riding. Using the AS has no bearing on a posters integrity or intelligence. However posts like yours do tend to indicate a sanctimonious poster with an over inflated sense of their own importance.

And, yes, what exactly did I misrepresent? You’re talking shite.

Xnic · 01/03/2018 20:18

OPs DH goes out drinking to the pub with his friends every week, I’m really not seeing what you’re seeing a

Absofrigginlootly · 01/03/2018 20:29

Jesus please don't ask him why he deleted you from Facebook....! I can't believe people are seriously suggesting that, t would just make you look needy, clingy and desperate and 13 years old

Honestly OP you sound like hard work.....So much "drama"

This is a non issue. Please work on your self esteem and deactivate your Facebook account

Unicornhat000 · 01/03/2018 20:37

Your dp has most probably slagged you off to this friend.

BrendasUmbrella · 01/03/2018 20:41

There is a lot of gaslighting going on here, and not just from the OPs DH. Why is it a woman must always be jumping to the worst conclusion? Why must she always be wrong? Why is it "normal" for a man to bitch about his wife so much to a friend that he deletes her from Facebook? Sorry to say it OP, but you might find more empathy and sympathy on Netmums...

A lot of men are like this, it's not rare at all. The wife becomes increasingly unpopular because her husband moans about everything she does, and usually in these cases also uses her as an excuse when there's something he doesn't want to do.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 01/03/2018 20:53

I can’t for the life of me see how her DP is gaslighting her. He is open with her and supportive of her and the OP even admits that he is perfectly happy to care for a child who is not biologically his in order to allow the OP to have a social life and hobbies.

I can’t for the life of me see how he’s abusive.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 01/03/2018 20:55

And if he has complained about her to his friends it sounds like he has every justification.

But there are always women on Mumsnet who will defend other women even when they’re clearly in the wrong.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 01/03/2018 20:57

What do you think people being controlled and abused by their partners should do Brenda? Shut up and take it? Or only if they have a penis?

LeggyLinda · 01/03/2018 21:04

You raise an interesting point Brenda. But I don’t think it applies here (only basing this on this current thread). I’m sure gaslighting of this sort happens, but more common is the off the cuff moaning about partners (both male and female) to friends - it’s like the weather and almost a de facto conversion starter amongst friends.

However, in this case there’s no evidence of this. It just seems like a Facebook thing that has got out of proportion and now is starting to go ot questioning the morality of checking the provenance of the OP and past posts.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 01/03/2018 21:44

I am absolutely fascinated at how posters can think the OP is being gaslighted when confronted with plenty of evidence that they are the abusive party.

I think that Elton John's posts have been largely succinct and well thought out. I hope that the OP takes some time to digest them and consider her behaviour.

PoorYorick · 01/03/2018 21:56

There's nothing wrong with using AS. If you put information on the website you can't be offended if people read it. The daft thing is to take a single thread about a complex situation in total isolation and comment on it without doing any research.

Eltonjohn has been extremely smart and savvy and I agree with everything she says. I am so fed up with people claiming that their rudeness and downright hostility to humans in general is a result of their being a special and misunderstood 'introvert'.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 01/03/2018 22:02

I just want to add on the end of here OP, please don’t feel attacked but take this as constructive criticism. He has chosen to be with you and DD. When he goes out with his friends it’s you he comes home to. You’ve talked in your other threads about how much he loves DD and how well they get on.

You really need to build your self esteem up so you don’t view him spending time with his friends as rejection. I know you have your own health problems which make things tough for you sometimes. But take time to care for yourself and do what you like. Even if it’s just a bath or reading a book or a family walk in the park.

But please don’t carry on like this. You will drive people who love you away.

Bluntness100 · 01/03/2018 22:18

It's fine to use the search function, but it's bad form to bring in shit from other threads and use it against the OP. Posters here with intelligence and integrity don't do it

What a ludicrous and judgemental post. Seriously, you can't randomly make up forum rules and then post them making offensive remarks about other posters if they don't follow your personal made up forum rules. That's so narcissistic.

Posters follow the guidelines and functionality the mumsnet site enables or requires. That's it. End of. It's not you who decides how people should post and then insult them if they don't do as you personally require.

I think I shall make up a rule too. See what it feels like. Right, could you all ensure you're eating cheesy wotsits when you write a post. Because that's what the beautiful people do.

Nope. Just feels daft. As you were.

BadLad · 02/03/2018 11:19

What Elton said

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