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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dh has been moaning about me to friends

241 replies

Introvertpants · 01/03/2018 13:55

Dh planned a trip away with friends last week and they went away. I was annoyed that me and dd don't get a holiday and was a bit off with dh but not a major falling out or anything but made it known I was a bit upset about us missing out on the chance of break while he went to his lads weekend.

Anyway dh shared a room with one of his friends. Me and his friend have been friends on Facebook for years and years. We aren't close as we don't see each other a lot but I went to school with him and he is dh best friend.
I just went to tag dh in a post with his best friend and saw that I have been deleted by the friend. We were friends last week when they were away. I have checked and he has some of my friends on there that he doesn't talk to and other friends from school etc so he's not went on a deleting spree or anything.
I am so hurt because it's obvious he doessnt like me if he's deleted me.
I asked dh about it and asked if he had been discussing why I was narky but he got really defensive and said he has said nothing.
I'm now crying upset because it's horrible to realise your the friends girlfriend nobody likes and I thought me and dh were really happy.
There's just no other reason I can think of why he doesn't like me. I don't post a lot on Facebook so I'm not annoying online or anything. Aibu to distrust what dh is saying and believe that I have been bitched and moaned about?

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 01/03/2018 16:25

user. Yes the are married ffs but it doesn’t mean married people can’t get a weekend away for one time!

I couldn’t bedruge my husband a fun short break with his friend, I just couldn’t.

And it’s not a reflection of his commitment, you can be committed to someone and still spend some time with your pals!

Married3Children · 01/03/2018 16:25

I would have had a massive issue about him going away.
Not because of the going away but because he was ready to spend family money that was NEEDED for the family house on something for himself, a trip, whilst no one else would have the same opportunity, incl his own child.
The fact his parents stepped in to help actually made it worse in my eyes. Because it says that they KNOW you, as a family, dontbhave that money to spend on a trip.

I wouod also have an issue with the weekly trip to the pub (more money) and you playing the host to people you don’t really like Whilst you are feeling isolated.

Re the friend, tbh, deleting you for moaning about your DH spending money he doesn’t have wouod very over the top.
Which makes me wonder if there isn’t something else going on.

But I wouldnt take it as a sign you are an awful person that people just tolerate.
But as the sign that, from now on, you really need to concentrate in yourself and finding friends rather than entertain8ng and doing all the leg work for your DH. Next time he wants to entertain, leave him to it, let him deal with his dd and go out for some well deserve time for yourself.

Clarissalarissa · 01/03/2018 16:25

You could get a family room in a youth hostel for that. Of go camping. Or stay in many airbnb places.

downthestrada · 01/03/2018 16:26

He really shouldn't be prioritising going away with his friend over family time/holidays. Especially if they haven't been away on holiday as a family for years.

OP, do his parents like you? I just find it weird that they would fund his trip with his friends only, and that they wouldn't suggest that he takes his family away somewhere.

Does your DH moan a lot about how hard things are for him? To his parents? Anything like that?

steff13 · 01/03/2018 16:26

OP, is your child's father involved in her life?

I got the impression that this "holiday" was for some sort of an event. If so, I think that's a little different than a random trip. Even if money was tight and we hadn't been away in a while, I wouldn't begrudge my husband a trip to a special event if we could make it happen.

user1474652148 · 01/03/2018 16:27

Nick

Butlins are offering 3 days for the whole family for 178gbp

It is easy to find good deals if he wanted to

Nanna50 · 01/03/2018 16:28

I agree with Elton and Chaos perhaps his family are concerned about him? While it may be normal to resent a DP having a weekend away, the rest is not normal.

It is not the usual reaction to notice that you have been deleted on FB and then cry, make demands and use it as an excuse not to socialise with any of his friends.

The usual reaction might be to send a friend request thinking you have been deleted by mistake, either that or not care as you weren't in touch anyway.

The next step will be AIBU my DP friends hate me but he wont stop going out with them...

steff13 · 01/03/2018 16:29

I wouod also have an issue with the weekly trip to the pub (more money) and you playing the host to people you don’t really like Whilst you are feeling isolated.

She said on the other thread that he's happy for her to go out with her friends and that he would be happy to stay with her child in order for her to do that. She doesn't need to feel isolated.

Nicknacky · 01/03/2018 16:30

user But he didn’t want to go to buttons, and the op said she didn’t want a holiday so that’s a moot point.

And frankly after reading a recent thread I have no idea why anyone would go there.

Nicknacky · 01/03/2018 16:30

Butlins!

ChaosNeverRains · 01/03/2018 16:31

Married3Children it wasn’t family money. it was money his family gave to him. And the child is not his.

Northernparent68 · 01/03/2018 16:31

Op, to be far to your husband you kicked off when he went for a weekend and kicked off when he came back, it sounds pretty miserable for him. I would nt blame him if he did have a moan. Can I suggest you see your go you sound depressed

Nicknacky · 01/03/2018 16:32

married3children Why in earth would you resent a partner going out once a week?

CastielIsMyAngel · 01/03/2018 16:33

I’m confused as to why you refer to your DP as “husband” but refer to yourself as his “girlfriend”

Eltonjohnssyrup · 01/03/2018 16:34

Do an advanced search. The OP doesn’t like her kids having play dates, she doesn’t like his family visiting, she doesn’t like people calling around to see them, she doesn’t like people phoning them, she doesn’t like friendships full stop and thinks they are too much aggravation and is downright nasty about his family.

Because she has very few friends and struggles to get time off work she doesn’t like her DP having a social life despite the fact that both her DP and mother are happy to look after DD if she wants to go out.

Because the OP is not a sociable person she feels her DP should drop his friends too. She made it quite clear on the previous thread that she is jealous that he has friends and she doesn’t.

This is abuse, pure and simple. The fucking hypocrisy on this thread stinks. If a man was behaving like the OP his partner would be told to change the locks and call Women’s Aid.

It’s not his fault she has no friends. It’s not his fault she has parenting responsibilities. In fact she says on another thread that even though her DD isn’t his he’s perfectly happy to look after her to allow the OP to socialise. But if he goes out she complains about having to look after her own child who isn’t even his kid.

This is straight up abuse. She’s isolating him and cutting him off. No wonder his parents are keen on helping him maintain his relationships with his friends.

mollied · 01/03/2018 16:36

I think it is a common misconception that we think men talk like we do, you probably weren't mentioned at all on the holiday. It is still odd that he has deleted you but I wouldn't stress yourself about it if he doesn't want to be friends with you fine have your own friends.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 01/03/2018 16:37

They are married ffs. Left holding the baby is a saying - it evans she is eft at home doing all the drudgery whilst he is off enjoying himself

It’s definitely not his child. And she has said on other threads that he adores her and is more than happy to look after her DD while she goes out. But she complains if he does the same.

Nicknacky · 01/03/2018 16:38

I agree 100% elton I also don’t understand posters who have such an issue with their partners going out without them or resenting them having a couple of days away to the extent the are “deal breakers”. People still have friendship groupls and interests outside of a relationship. (Not referring to instances where money is the main issue)

WorraLiberty · 01/03/2018 16:38

I agree with your last post 100% Elton

WorraLiberty · 01/03/2018 16:39

Whoops! I meant you post at 16:34:24

The thread has moved on a bit Blush

VladmirsPoutine · 01/03/2018 16:44

@Eltonjohnssyrup I hadn't AS'd - I only do when I suspect trollery, but in light of this I'm off to have a read. Though isn't it bad form?

CastielIsMyAngel · 01/03/2018 16:46

They are married ffs. Left holding the baby is a saying - it evans she is eft at home doing all the drudgery whilst he is off enjoying himself

I’m not convinced they are married since she’s referred to herself several times as “girlfriend” and the kid isn’t his.

VladmirsPoutine · 01/03/2018 16:46

If what you say is right then the OP needs to seek help and this trip is somewhat of a red herring. But as I said; I was only going by what is here. The whole thing sounds shitty for everyone involved.

expatinscotland · 01/03/2018 16:48

Hmm, yeah, looking at your other threads really shows things up. I did wonder why you kept calling yourself his girlfriend.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 01/03/2018 16:50

Elton, I totally agree. Huge red flag re controlling behaviour.

If I were his parents I would have funded the holiday and then a divorce.

There was a thread recently where the step parent was told it wasn't her responsibility to look after her step child so again double standards when the step parent is male. Suddenly, because he has a penis, he's expected to parent and finance a chid that is not his.

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