Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dh has been moaning about me to friends

241 replies

Introvertpants · 01/03/2018 13:55

Dh planned a trip away with friends last week and they went away. I was annoyed that me and dd don't get a holiday and was a bit off with dh but not a major falling out or anything but made it known I was a bit upset about us missing out on the chance of break while he went to his lads weekend.

Anyway dh shared a room with one of his friends. Me and his friend have been friends on Facebook for years and years. We aren't close as we don't see each other a lot but I went to school with him and he is dh best friend.
I just went to tag dh in a post with his best friend and saw that I have been deleted by the friend. We were friends last week when they were away. I have checked and he has some of my friends on there that he doesn't talk to and other friends from school etc so he's not went on a deleting spree or anything.
I am so hurt because it's obvious he doessnt like me if he's deleted me.
I asked dh about it and asked if he had been discussing why I was narky but he got really defensive and said he has said nothing.
I'm now crying upset because it's horrible to realise your the friends girlfriend nobody likes and I thought me and dh were really happy.
There's just no other reason I can think of why he doesn't like me. I don't post a lot on Facebook so I'm not annoying online or anything. Aibu to distrust what dh is saying and believe that I have been bitched and moaned about?

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 01/03/2018 16:54

Christ, my dad is paying for me and him to go away for two 4 day breaks this year. H will be at home with the kids. Although to be fair, we are also having a summer holiday together. Thankfully we don’t grudge each other these breaks!

MiltonBurnedTheBuildingDown · 01/03/2018 16:56

Though isn't it bad form?

Advanced search is bad form if you bitch plop some irrelevant information in to have a dig. Someone one asked if the Op was the one with a drinking problem?

Relevant here though it seems.

BillieN0mates · 01/03/2018 16:56

Wow, EltonJohn, I hadn't read the other threads. I wasn't being hypocritical. My x tried to kill my relationships with friends and family because he found them too difficult he was too weird to be normal so I would never advise anybody to stay in that situation.

As for being deleted from facebook, I'd say the poster upthread has it right, his friend wanted to be able to post things without getting him in to trouble with the OP

mintbiscuit · 01/03/2018 16:57

After having read OP's previous threads I think Elton has pretty much hit the nail on the head here.

Ffsnothingworks · 01/03/2018 16:58

.

HobnobBob · 01/03/2018 17:01

The OP does seem to hate people gwrnally.

HobnobBob · 01/03/2018 17:01

Or generally.

Rachie1973 · 01/03/2018 17:03

Eltonjohnssyrup

By jove I think you've hit the proverbial nail right smack bang on the head.

expatinscotland · 01/03/2018 17:05

'There was a thread recently where the step parent was told it wasn't her responsibility to look after her step child so again double standards when the step parent is male. Suddenly, because he has a penis, he's expected to parent and finance a chid that is not his.'

There is definitely this mentality/double standards on here.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 01/03/2018 17:06

I don’t usually AS either. The only reason I did in this case was because the OP was giving conflicting info on this thread by referring to him as her husband whilst describing herself as his girlfriend and I wanted to get some clarity on that as it really does affect the advice you give if this is a long term established relationship or a fairly new one which ‘girlfriend’ suggests.

But that aside, I’m glad I did. Because otherwise the OP would just have a thread of people validating what is very clearly abusive behaviour. This isn’t some meek little flower being walked all over by some nasty man. Almost all her posts concern ‘putting her foot down’ about him seeing his friends or family or her anger and resentment if he spends time with them.

That’s not okay and it’s not normal. And unless the OP gets a handle on this behaviour it’s going to cost her her relationship. By the sound of things her partner is already feeling uneasy about this and has talked to his best friend and family about it. His best friend has felt comfortable enough to delete the OP from FB without worrying DP would be offended which says to me that BF thinks DP would be completely understanding of people having issues with the OPs behaviour.

The OP is also being pretty threatening about what she intends to do in the future. She’s saying she will now refuse to socialise with his friends. And if this last incident is anything to go by if he socialises with them alone the OP will have tantrums and guilt trip him to stop him going. But given that he seems to be onto this behaviour and confided to his family and BF about it, I suspect that the result will be that it is the OP who is dumped and not his friends.

It’s hugely destructive and controlling behaviour and the OP needs to do something to change. A thread full of people validating the OPs behaviour would help nobody, least of all the OP.

Rachie1973 · 01/03/2018 17:06

I love love love my weekends away.

My DH loves his fishing ones

I go out and get pissed lol. He sticks maggots on hooks in the cold.

We have different interests I think lol. That said we also do things together, and are indeed very happy all things said and done. We just can't live in each others pockets.

Also if we're given money for a specific purpose it doesn't go in the family pot! Same as birthday & Christmas gifts. Those are to treat ourselves! I would be hopping mad if my DH tried to spend his gift money on me!

Original poster
Introvertpants · 01/03/2018 17:07

For God sake. People have looked at my past posts and clumped everything together and labelled me a control freak committing emotional abuse.

For your information I love dps family and we all get along. I didn't want his sister staying three nights over Xmas when we just moved into our new home. Not that I didn't want her there at all. All our family stay across the road so she could have stayed there. It's not that I was cutting dp off from his family ffs.

Dp spends a lot of time with friends that's fine by me. I want us all to get along well and I don't want tension.

The trip has been and gone. It's fine. Dp understands why I was annoyed. I've let it go. It wasn't anything to do with him spending time with friends...it was more that me and dd didn't get the same deal. Nothing to do with his friends what so ever.

OP posts:
Tink2007 · 01/03/2018 17:09

If you’ve known each other since you were 12 just bloody ask him.

Nicknacky · 01/03/2018 17:11

So go away yourself/with friends or with your daughter.

VladmirsPoutine · 01/03/2018 17:11

To be honest, in almost all her posts she sounds miserable. She sounds endlessly miserable. If OP could be honest about how she feels or seek help about her situation then there might be some way of advising or supporting but otherwise this time next week she'll make a new thread about something or other.

DistanceCall · 01/03/2018 17:12

it was more that me and dd didn't get the same deal. Nothing to do with his friends what so ever.

Wow. When did I unlearn to read?

Because when it comes to weddings and plus ones and gatherings I'm going to have to go with dh and be amongst a group that don't actually like me or want to be my friend. I would like to have went out more with them and invited to have bbqs etc but not now.

LimonViola · 01/03/2018 17:13

Some top notch sleuthing and analysis there elton 👍🏻

Having read all of that and got a bit more context, I wouldn't be surprised if the reason was that your DP is thinking of leaving and the stuff he told his friend made him so annoyed at you he deleted you, knowing you'd find out its over soon enough anyway.

Original poster
Introvertpants · 01/03/2018 17:14

If I don't go to an event because of his friends it doesn't mean I don't want dh not to go but I would rather everyone was genuine and not bitching about me behind my back.
Dh asked why and he said he deleted me ages ago when him and dh fell out but it's not true because we were friends the other day on Facebook.
I will let it go.
I trust what dh says now. He said he didn't even fall out with me over the trip even though he knew i was a bit huffy over It, we spoke everyday and didn't argue. Despite how I felt we were fine.

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 01/03/2018 17:14

You sound exhausting.

LimonViola · 01/03/2018 17:14

OP you seem to keep mixing up whether you're actually married or not...

Nicknacky · 01/03/2018 17:15

Ffs people haven’t been bitching behind your back. Stop with the victim complex.

Thinkingofausername1 · 01/03/2018 17:16

Maybe the girlfriend/ fiancé has jealousy issues and that is why you were deleted to keep her happy???

YellowMakesMeSmile · 01/03/2018 17:17

it was more that me and dd didn't get the same deal

Then up your hours so you have the money to do the same. You have the luxury of working until just 3.30pm. You can't have it all then moan when something doesn't go your way. Why should his parents pay for two extra unrelated people?

DistanceCall · 01/03/2018 17:18

f I don't go to an event because of his friends it doesn't mean I don't want dh not to go but I would rather everyone was genuine and not bitching about me behind my back.

Despite how I felt we were fine.

Massive levels of passive agression, OP. You sound desperately unhappy, and sounds like you are dragging your partner down with you.

Please find some help. You don't have to live like this. (Nor does your husband. But he think he knows that).

MadMags · 01/03/2018 17:21

You are emotionally abusive, whether you mean to be or not.

You need help and he needs to leave you. Seriously. In fact, tell him to post here!

As for you and dd getting holidays - that’s your responsibility not his.