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AIBU?

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Original poster

Smug young homeowners from the Bank of Mum and Dad

337 replies

LittleMissUnreasonable · 28/02/2018 15:58

AIBU unreasonable to find it very irritating when young couples/young people manage to buy their first home early and spout the whole
"We worked so hard to save
"We deserve it "
"We didn't want to rent anymore"
"I can't believe some people still rent"
"We've got loads saved up for a house deposit "

Which is all fine...until you realise the house deposit it was 'gifted' by parents. Again that's fine

I just think it's irritating that entitled trust fund 20-somethings looking down on renters for not yet being on the property ladder yet fail to mention most of their deposit was from the Bank of Mum and Dad.

Not everyone can have that privilege and it's unfair to look down on those without

OP posts:
Easysqueezylemonpeasy · 01/03/2018 18:38

I was given a large proportion of money to buy my first property and tbh I keep the fact that I’m a homeowner to myself unless someone asks, mainly because I am embarrassed. Not because I was helped but because it was easier for me than others.

veuveo · 01/03/2018 18:54

I don't know anyone with a trust fund.
I don't know anyone who's been gifted a deposit by their parents.
I don't think living rent free with family to enable you to save up is the same as being gifted it.
I think it's the only way it can be done.
I will be forever grateful to the family member who let me stay with them for 6 months to save up my deposit.

,

QueenPenguin · 01/03/2018 19:01

I've never come across anyone who has boasted on how hard they saved for a house when in fact the money has come from their parents. Everyone I know who had some help feels lucky and grateful to be in that position. And i've certainly not come across people who then looked down on renters.
However, I do hate how many assume that if you are fortunate enough to be in a position to buy young then it can only be because of your parents. That what's I come across most and I think it's forgotten that wherever your deposit has come from you still need to have worked fairly hard to be in a position where you can get a mortgage and pay all your bills.

I first bought a house at 21. And whilst I did receive a couple of grand as inheritance following the death of my grandparents, the rest I had saved. I started saving tiny amounts in my teens and I skipped uni and started working full time from 18. I did live with my parents for most of the time before I bought so it was easier to save and I didn't pay keep as such but had to pay for all my own things, food, toiletries, petrol etc. And so by the time I was 21 I had saved enough, was 3 years in to my career and earning decent wages, especially compared to my peers who had only just left uni. I lost count of the amount of times it was assumed it was all my parents doing.

ssd · 01/03/2018 19:05

Everyone one of my pals have benefitted from inheritances and its really improved their life, financially. As I said before, we didnt get an inheritance, from either side and none of my pals have rubbed it in my face. We all know what it's like losing both parents, but undoubtedly being left money makes a hell of a difference.

I really don't know how people now in their 20's, or 30's get near a mortgage without being gifted money, it seems impossible from what I read.

wintermonster · 01/03/2018 19:33

I'd rather have my parents around than inherit lots of money so I could buy a house.

My SIL is expecting to inherit a large sum soon and is already going on about what they will buy with it.
The relative isn't even dead yet!!

Ambs81 · 01/03/2018 19:45

I am 32 and just bought my 4th house, we have renovated and sold 3 houses previously which has given us enough equity to buy our (hopefully) forever home - which is again another project!
I always get people assuming our parents gave us money, or that my dad who works in construction industry helped us on our renovation - neither is true!!
I often get 'it's alright for some' type comments which completely grate as its not been alright, its been bloody hard work. So I guess yes people being gifted deposits is annoying, but I'd also say don't assume!
We find people buying new builds annoying - we've had loads of friends buy through help to buy and then tell us how much they need to do when they move in! Meaning buy furniture etc!!!

ssd · 01/03/2018 19:56

I'd rather have my parents around than inherit lots of money so I could buy a house

thats a given, wintermonster, and feels quite insensitive to those who have lost their parents, whether they inherited or not.

lukeymom · 01/03/2018 20:00

I know what you mean. I would love to buy my own house. I have two young children,the one always says he wishes we lived in a house. We live in a marionette. There are some new build houses near by us and I went there,had a look round. Gorgeous houses,ideal for us. I even put my name down for one.
The sad thing is I haven't enough for a deposit.If only!
I had a friend who grew up poor,even moved into a hostel for a time,as her mother through her out.
She had low paid jobs,spent money on credit cards,got into debt. Going on skiing holidays ,and holidays in the sun. Living beyond her means.
Eventually in her late 20's she met a man in a night club. Started dating,got engaged. The next thing I knew she was living in a house that belonged to his grandad with him. A few years later the grandad died. The house was left to my friends fiance. They married. The house was hers too. Only a few thousand was owed in it to pay it off.
Since then she went onwards and upwards.Went to Uni at 40 started a professional career.This was after having kids.
The last thing I heard was that she was gifted £150,000 by a neighbour who she used to help out. The lady was elderly and then died. How much luck can a person have?

george49 · 01/03/2018 20:03

we live in a marionette

That must be a tight squeeze

george49 · 01/03/2018 20:04

lukey you sound quite bitter towards your"friend". Well done to her for going to uni in her 40s.

ssd · 01/03/2018 20:11

sarky comment there george, I can only see lukeymom stating how well her friend has done

lukeymom · 01/03/2018 20:13

Smile Maisonette

lukeymom · 01/03/2018 20:16

Yes I know that life has done her well.Not just Uni but good luck too. My cousin also went to Uni in her 40's. I could myself but choose not to. I work for myself and have qualifications. I had savings which have dwindled down since having my children.I am a single parent.

george49 · 01/03/2018 20:22

Fair enough if I misread the tone. She seemed to be having a dig to me

Icantbelieve · 01/03/2018 20:37

It may be the case that people have been gifted it, and shouldn’t brag. However in my case my folks are not rich but had been so careful with money during their working lives (no foreign holidays, no meals out etc etc) that they had managed to put me in this position. So often I think there is a lot of sacrifice, not from the people buying the house, but from their parents

justanotheruser18 · 01/03/2018 20:49

What's wrong with the word 'gifted'?

justanotheruser18 · 01/03/2018 20:52

We own our home thanks to my grandparents. Could never have 'got on the ladder' without them.
Happily rented for 15 years before found out about the money they put aside for us.
I am lucky.
I want to be able to provide the same opportunity for my child in the future.
That's why I'll keep my family small. So we have at least a slim chance of paying forward the opportunity afforded to us.

Samantha77hat · 01/03/2018 21:00

I in turn get irritated by people who could afford to buy if they made better financial decisions or some sacrifices to save, but complain instead about people who were given relatively small sums by their parents to get them started

ariettyspaghetti · 01/03/2018 21:02

saw a very young couple turn up in a range rover to view the house next to ours which is up for 550k. shouldn't judge but... well i did... please not you i thought.

Ssarah39 · 01/03/2018 21:05

My parents helped me to buy my first home. Without their help I would never have been able to do so. I am so grateful for their help. My parents weren't rich or had well paid jobs, they scrimped, saved and planned to make sure I could get my foot on the ladder. I would do the same for my own children. I guess it's a cultural thing in my family.

Samantha77hat · 01/03/2018 21:06

I find it annoying that we lived in tiny 1 bed flats for the first 6 years with 95% LTV interest only mortgages taking a big risk with all that debt to get on the ladder and people who are the same age as we were then complaint that they can't afford a 3 bedroom house with garden as their starter home

drspouse · 01/03/2018 21:14

I bought a flat aged 19 because it was at the time when they'd give anything that sat still for long enough a mortgage, and because my parents had paid theirs off so could act as guarantors.
I am VERY aware that I was really lucky to be able to do that.
I later inherited some money from my grandfather when he died (my grandmother having already died), we used it to put down the deposit on a BTL flat because it was a good investment at the time (pre-crash, enough that it has kept its original value). Again I am HIGHLY aware that I was very lucky.

However my DB also inherited from my DGF and used it to pay into a business that we could all have told him would not make any money. Lo and behold, it has not, and partly because it was a daft idea in the first place but partly because he is very bad with money.
So that part I feel mildly smug about (because my DB irritates me and is massively holier than thou).

justanotheruser18 · 01/03/2018 21:21

@drspouse rightfully mildly smug because Stupid financial decisions are stupid. But I don't make any risky financial decisions which means I shall never be rich or successful.

Lisa Marie Presley.. gets Elvis' $100 mill fortune. Has only 14 grand left. headdesk Stupid.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 01/03/2018 21:21

I worked with a woman who was very proud of buying her first house, on her own, at 28.

The on “her own”, in close detail, meant with the deposit paid by mum and the mortgage premiums shared by his mum, her dad and herself.

She couldn’t even organise to save a deposit for renting or pay for rent on her own. Yet , she really thought she was above other people..

FaveNumberIs2 · 01/03/2018 21:24

Ignore and move on.

The renters will be the ones laughing when these young homeowners suddenly find they have piles of bills for damp problems, new boiler, new windows, new kitchens, new bathrooms, etc etc etc while the renters just get onto their landlords or agents.

Incidentally, I’m a homeowner and my daughter is a renter. Whatever suits you is the way to go.