Smug young homeowners from the Bank of Mum and Dad

[LittleMissUnreasonable]

AIBU unreasonable to find it very irritating when young couples/young people manage to buy their first home early and spout the whole
"We worked so hard to save
"We deserve it "
"We didn't want to rent anymore"
"I can't believe some people still rent"
"We've got loads saved up for a house deposit "

Which is all fine...until you realise the house deposit it was 'gifted' by parents. Again that's fine

I just think it's irritating that entitled trust fund 20-somethings looking down on renters for not yet being on the property ladder yet fail to mention most of their deposit was from the Bank of Mum and Dad.

Not everyone can have that privilege and it's unfair to look down on those without

"That said, I have a very good job but I came from a below the poverty line family and was the first to attend university. Life is what you make it."

Whether or not you are on a level playing field starts from Birth. You're doing well if you've been bought up with the self esteem and capability to go to University.

There's a lot of people that I've met who ignore the support they were given to get into a job that pays enough to save.

Then as said there's childcare help, even other things like having family that give/buy furniture/prams/clothing, pay for days out etc.

Dadtryinghisbest28, that's bullshit. Some people have no disposable income to save enough. It can cost around 2k on top of a deposit to buy.

I haven’t heard this myself. Me and OH bought a house in the South East at 22. We didn’t get given any money at all and I’d be pissed of if people thought we had. We worked hard and saved hard. We still do.

I have no idea which of my home owning friends had help from mum and dad, or how they run their finances.

It is very weird imo to know the ins and outs of someone else's financial arrangements.

However being smug and ungrateful is unpleasant whatever the topic of the smugness. I have lots of friends from wealthy, public school backgrounds but there is one in particular who has NO IDEA how "the other half" live. He refuses to accept that his millions are due to anything other than his own fabulousness - Daddy is also a millionaire surprise surprise. He's a cunt and I don't see him any more.

I don't see the OP saying that people shouldn't get parental help.

But they should be grateful and not crow on about how it's easy for everyone to buy a house.

@PhelanThePain it's not always as easy as you would think living with respective parents. Myself and DH moved back in with respective parents in our 30s after a decade of renting. We had managed to save a couple of thousand but knew it would take us years upon years if we carried on renting. It was the hardest year and a half, although we both paid our parents some rent, it was very difficult. I know we were fortunate to be able to do this but still, after being married and living together for a decade, going home to Mum and dad was much harder than we anticipated. Plus the money we saved was all us, and I don't feel like we had an easy ride doing things the way we did.

Anyone who spends time saving and sacrificing is entitled to feel proud of themselves. We had to put off starting a family because of living at home which was quite upsetting but all worth it now we have a house and baby one the way!!

I've known a few like this. One of my DM's friend's kids is all #workhardplayhard #dreamscometruewhenyouworkhard #blessed and I had to mute her on social media because she's insufferable and her DM told mine that actually she only managed to "save" her deposit because she and her DH paid no rent AND her DParents have gifted her well over £50k by this point. But I can't deny she does work hard and is bloody good at her job.

Another was a smug homeowner by 22, but when the recession hit, her DM, who had supposedly "gifted" her the £25k deposit 5 years previously suddenly demanded her "loan" back because her own house had lost equity. Friend's house had lost equity too, so she had to move somewhere smaller to release enough money to pay her DM back.

My DParents are giving me and DSis deposit money, but we're both well into our 30s and I, at least, won't be giving any illusions that I've achieved it myself. As a single parent I wouldn't have a hope in hell's chance of affording anything otherwise. DSis still lives at home but is just crap with money.

So starlive not the same situation i described at all then! I described two people living at home until 21 and paying no rent. Not a married couple separating after years together and still paying rent to their parents (although that’s still a massive help, I can’t really sympathise with you finding it hard to live with your parents in return for a house deposit)

YABU to say ‘gifted’ otherwise YNBU. Honestly, what’s wrong with ‘given’ these days?

Annoying word, however it’s the correct term for giving money over where no return is expected, it’s used as standard legally when family member gives money over as a gift for a purchase and distinguishes between it being given as a gift and ‘given’ where there might be a grey area and the money is given as a loan.

We’d have actually been better off renting than buying when we did. Our mortgage was £1300 a month and we lost 20k on it when we sold after 5 years due to recession.

We both went to uni but had jobs too. I had two jobs. Stayed at uni and worked full time in the long holidays. No holidays, no treats, no new things.

@PhelanThePain I'm just saying it's not as easy as it sounds when people say they move back in with parents. I still feel proud of what we achieved but yes I agree we were fortunate that we had parents we could move back in with. Had we not had that opportunity it would have taken us three times as long. It was not easy seeing MIL as often as I did 😱😱😱 plus had her telling us she already had 2 kids and a house at my age every 5 minuets!!

Still, small sacrifice now but at the time it would never pay off. Felt like life was on hold.

I never said anything regarding how “easy” it sounded. My issue is the claims that they did it all without any help. Which if you’re living with family for free or at a reduced rate is obviously bullshit. You had help. Clearly it’s easier to get a mortgage when you have someone contributing to a deposit.

Alright calm down, I seem to have somehow put you in a mood! I was only offering another opinion and saying it can be difficult for other reasons such as the ones I stated. Im not saying we didn't have help, but it wasn't the same as someone handing us a large sum of money!!

Plus the money we saved was all us, and I don't feel like we had an easy ride doing things the way we did.

I'm sure it wasn't easy, but the money you saved wasn't 'all you', and that's what pisses people off when you claim this. Saving money because someone else was subsidising your living expenses is a huge help and not all your own effort. It would have been more fun for you, I agree, but there's no financial difference between what you got and your parents just giving you a cash gift of, say, £500 a month and you plonking that all in savings - and surely you wouldn't say that was 'all you'?

Alright calm down, I seem to have somehow put you in a mood!

Calm down? from what? I responded to your post that you addressed me in. That means I’m in a mood? Do you generally think people who respond to you must be in a mood because they dared respond to your comment directed at them? Why speak to them if you don’t want responses?

And yes, it is the same as them handing you a large sum of money.

Ok it's the same as being handed a sum of money, it didn't feel it and I'm still proud of what we achieved but it seems I'm being silly as we achieved nothing apart from accepting a hand out!

Have a little strop if it makes you feel better. When you’re done, go back and read what I actually said. I didn’t say those people (or you) achieved nothing. I said they didn’t do it all on their own like they claim. You didn’t either. You had help. That doesn’t mean you did nothing. You still get to be proud of what you achieved, ackowledging that you had help doesn’t diminish what you actually did yourself. Does it?

My parents gave me £20k deposit in 2006, which enabled me to buy a flat in zone 2 (one bed). I could not be more grateful to them for that fact, because that level of financial security could not have been achieved on my own.

I know how lucky I am for that. And I have never made a secret of that help!

However there was no luck on my parents part. They never received any inheritance or anything and they just both worked hard, saved hard (never went abroad for example) and did some shrewd financial planning which freed up money which they could then give to us to help us out. They felt it was much more sensible to to give us the money when we really needed it rather than waiting for inheritance.

I've never seen such annoying/crass gloating in my circle but I think social media just doesn't help. Too many people posting about every fucking thing in their life. Just shut up - nobody cares!

Haha, yes! We were once young home owners in the north but lost money on our home when we moved South and therefore are renting at triple the amount of our mortgage payments. Someone I work with has a flat that has been valued at 79k more than they paid 2 years ago, great for them but not for us newcomers to the south. My husband earns over 100k and we cant afford a mortgage where we live unless we want to squeeze our family into a tiny flat as we have no deposit. Crazy! We're not even inside of the m25.

I still rent at 42 yrs old and sometimes feel bad about that...however two nights ago I was cleaning the oven (gross chore) and in the process managed to short the whole house electrics.. Safe to say our landlord has footed the bill for the electrician call out,fees and a new oven. I do feel slightly smug about this 😁

I find it more annoying when people look at young people and assume we have used the bank of mum and dad when in fact we did a lot of scrimping and saving for years after graduating from university and managed to buy outside London with a huge mortgage. No hep, just lots of hard work and saving and now a huge mortgage we will have to pay for many many years. Yet the neighbours around us have managed to buy through selling properties they bought when the housing market was low and trade up, yet they look down on us assuming we have had the house 'gifted' to us.

I totally get this "did it without any help" thing. I am looking at it from the other perspective i.e. as the parent of 2 20 somethings and friends in the same position. One proudly told me a year back how her 26 year old daughter had bought her first flat. I checked out the prices in that area of London and also knowing (as I know her line of work) what she was earning approximately it was self-evident her parents had helped her to at least the extent of paying for a quarter or more of it. Which is fine - but why not just say we have given/lent her money to buy a flat, not pretend it is somehow all down to her "hard work" - with the implication that mine/all her other friends' children who still rent do not "work hard"?

@birdsgottafly it's not bullshit at all I bought my first property in zone 5 a new build at 22 which was 2012 I had an 8k deposit and bought a one bedroom flat. I had a 23k a year job at the time for £124500. I know have a house in zone 4, it's true I would rather have had the house first but couldn't afford it at the time so I bought what I could afford. If your point is that people can't afford to buy then yes your right their will be people who can't afford to buy but that's true with everything.

Actually people who boast about their adult children buying a home despite it being with the parents' money are the worst.

I had a surreal conversation with a colleague who has a weird codependent relationship with her early 20s daughter, whom she treats like a child. After listing all the things she does for her daughter (books her dentist and doctors and even hair appointments, books and pays for her train tickets if she's going to visit her dad and made all the travel and accommodation arrangements when she went on holiday with a friend, drives her everywhere, gets her shopping for her, puts frozen meals in her freezer, sorts out her household admin for her, sits in her flat to receive deliveries, organises workmen etc...) and how the DD is always asking for money, all to convince me that having an adult child is harder than having school age children I asked if she might be more independent if left to do things for herself.

At which point she insisted with great offended dignity that her DD was certainly one of the most independent, hard working 20 however many year olds I'd ever meet, having bought her own flat at 21.

A few more minutes of conversation revealed that she'd done so with a lot of financial help from her father. But still. Apparently home ownership is solid gold proof of maturity and independence despite all other evidence to the contrary.

No point bejewlous. Irritated by smugness, perhaps but then most younger homeowners aren’t smug. Mine are grateful for the help we’ve given but they’ve also worked very hard, given up things and saved consistently to get a foot on the ladder. Just as we did when we were younger.

My bf and I lived with our parents. Both paid them money each month and bought most of our own food.
I had 3 jobs and work 80hours a week. He is building himself up in the financial sector. We have worked so hard for the last 3 years. (As people should). We haven’t had a penny of help. We bought at 26. I don’t need a pat on the back.
It annoys me so much when our friends complain about how lucky we are that we have bought our house. They all work 37hours a week and complain about that!