to be sick of "I usually don't like women with short hair, but..."?

[AnnaPannocchia]

Seriously, if I hear that sentence once again I might scream!

I have a pixie haircut, and I love it. It looks good on me. I also take care of myself, dress well, put make up on, etc etc. I am a normal, happy, young woman with short hair.

You would not believe the amount of men who feel the need to comment on my haircut, and communicate to me how they normally don't like women with short hair at all, but they are soooo surprised that it looks good on me! Shock horror! An attractive woman with short hair!!

This has happened to me many, many times. Last Friday a random man at the pub literally came over to my table just to share this enlightened observation with me

I am pretty sure it was intended as a compliment, but it sounds so patronizing and narrow-minded! Surely attractive women (exactly like men) come in different shapes, sizes, facial features and hairstyles!

What suits me might not suit another woman, but why the need to imply that all women with short hair are unattractive and I should be grateful that I am an exception to this apparenty universal rule??

AIBU to be tired of men who feel entitled to express non-requested opinions on my haircut while implying that women can only be attractive with long hair?

Sorry for the rant but

I must be a trans or a lesbian (Ian not), I have short hair, wear jeans, hoodie and trainers😂😂😂

It is meant as compliment.

You can take it otherwise, it may not be a compliment to you.

But it is meant as such. Meh I can't get upset about an intended compliment that falls flat

Men have preferences in womans appearance. Shocker. So do women. Men do generally prefer long hair, women often prefer short. Having had both, I wonder what I was thinking going short as long does look significantly better despite thinking short looked awesome at the time. so I'm not surprised general trends are heading in that direction.

I have had a pixie very short cut since I was in my late 30s, I am now 48 and grey-ish! When I was younger, I had the long blonde hair and god, the attention, men doing double takes when they saw me, even driving by in cars, I hated the attention so had it cut off, much better now I am old and grey and chubby, no-one notices me anymore! I have never had any negative comments regarding my hair apart from that it really suits me and who is my hairdresser? I had it short when I was a child too and was never mistaken for a boy. Noone had ever heard of trans then, never been asked if I am a lesbian either. Mine is same style as Halle Berry. Its so easy to do, it dries in no time, bit of gel and I am good to go, no hair whipping round in the wind into my eye or getting stuck on lipstick!

OK shifty just for you, I'll change it to "face like a slapped arse".

Why does long hair mean fecundity? And if it does, shouldn't that be true for men too?

Shiny, thick hair I can see might indicate good health but why the length?

YANBU. Very rude to comment on something personal like that.

I think it's because short hair on young women isn't mainstream at the moment. All the women I know with pixie cuts are 50+ there seems to be a fashion amongst this age group for cropped hair dyed red and spiked with gel.

I wouldn't mind short hair for the ease of drying/styling it, but i don't think it would suit me.

I've read something about long hair being linked to sexual attraction. I think the theory is that long swishy hair indicates youth and fertility (as hair gets dryer and grows more slowly as we age).

I've had short hair all my adult life pretty much. I'll be 40 this year. I have a very short crop, an inch max at the top of my head, that I cut myself with clippers. Loads of women tell me they wish they were 'brave' enough for short hair, but I don't think it's brave! I also get told that I'm lucky I have the right shaped face/head/bone structure and I think that's pish as well, I've just got a normal face and head. Obviously I don't say any of this at the time, btw, but I do think it.

I've tried growing it a few times but I never get very far: I can't bear the in-betweeny stage.

Was looking at an old school photo the other day (early 80's) and was struck by the variation in the girl's hair styles - short, long, straight, curly, tied up, loose. We all looked great! Also remember the hairstyles of the women in music in those days, Debbie Harry, Toyah, Kate Bush, Bananarama, Madonna, Annie lennox, Sheena Easton - all different.

I've had short hair most of my adult life - the one time I grew it I looked like Mother Russia unless I spent ages every day blow drying it, curling it, conditioning it etc.

Women aren't less 'feminine' (sorry, but vom ) if they don't have long hair - it's only 'fashion'. It'll change, as it has many times over the 20th century.

Women should have the hairstyle they wasn't, not be bullied into having long hair by fashion/men and please god, other women.

The length indicates that you are well. When you are older it just doesn't grow long like it does as a teen. It is an evolutionary thing I think that men prefer longer hair. If they were attracted to short grey hair their genes would have died out.

I've lost count of the number of people who've asked me if my friend with very short hair is gay. Erm, no, she isn't. I doubt they're asking as they want to crack onto her either as they're usually old enough to be her dad.

Oops, pressed 'post' too soon.

Wanted to add that I find it extremely rude on her behalf that people are so nosey and come across so judgy. I've also bad people ask me if she has an illness and that's why it's so short.

My friend absolutely rocks her short hair!! She looks ace.

What I like about my long hair is that I can wash it in the evening, air-dry, sleep, then wake up, put it up in a quick bun/ponytail and job's a good 'un. If my hair was short, I'd have to maintain it - regular haircuts (cost money and time!), styling it, etc. Long hair is just so much easier. Male gaze means naff all - if a random bloke gave an unsolicited comment on my appearance, he'd find himself on the receiving end of a thorough verbal lashing. :D

Wait until you’re my age, near 50, then you’ll get loads of people ‘helpfully suggesting’ that you will suit short hair. I have long hair because I can’t be arsed going to the hairdresser and it keeps my ears warm when I’m walking the dogs. 😁 I don’t wear makeup, live in jeans and tops, am usually covered in dog hair and paw prints, but it’s my fecking hair they’re obsessed with. 🙄

@PositivelyPERF

Wait until you’re my age, near 50, then you’ll get loads of people ‘helpfully suggesting’ that you will suit short hair.

LOL, my friend is 54, and she has hair that is long-ish. She keeps it up in a bun (like this style in picture 1...)

I had cropped short hair from when I was aged 9 until when I was 35. I'm now 40 and have long hair for the first time in my life.

I think it may be the reason that (thankfully!) I experienced very little harassment and catcalling during my teens and 20s, I think short hair just meant I was not on the 'girl radar' of the type of bloke who likes to yell things at passing women. Of course, it might just be I'm a minger, and 100 women with cropped hair will come along to say they got plenty of unwelcome attention. I

My mum made the decision to crop my hair and I loved it, although it meant persistently being mistaken for a boy until I was about 16. But it puts quite a lot on you being 'the girl with the short hair' and I decided I would not cut the hair of any daughter of mine unless she definitely wanted it. Lo and behold, aged 9 DD requested and got a pixie cut, looks amazing and wears it with such confidence.

It's quite difficult to find a hairdresser who really will cut a girl's crop, I felt the need to inform them I'd had cropped hair mostly since I was a child and that honestly, unless they gave her an all-over #1 I was not going to complain it's 'too short'!

The hairdresser is around 25, so obviously thinks my friend is old at 54, and should have a nice 'middle-aged-woman' hairstyle. oh I can sooo relate to that. On the rare occasion I go to the ‘very nice’ ridiculously expensive hairdresser near me, the younger ones suggest cutting it, whereas the older hairdressers tell me not to. 😆

Summercat what it with pushing middle aged women to have that ridiculous hairstyle? It was fashionable when I was younger and I did actually have it 🤫 It’s so bloody hard to look after, especially if you have a ducks tail at the nape of your neck, like me! I think they drag short styles out of old hairdressing books and think because they’re from the 80s we will love them.

I do feel a bit awkward in that I am 40 and have no idea how to style my long hair, seeing as I have never before had it in adult life. Anything more complex than a ponytail or messy bun seems to require about four hands and eyes in the back of your head!

I grew it at mother in law's suggestion in fact, when I was looking for a new job having been made redundant. I had always chopped my hair short for interviewing, as easiest to manage, and also because it made me look more mature. MIL suggested I'd look 'more approachable' with longer hair, whatever than means, but I have decided that, at the moment, long hair looks better or me and a crop might look a bit severe, but I expect the time will come when shorter hair will the most flattering option again.

"And I normally don't judge strangers on their appearance but I find your general tone of misogyny quite unnattractive." sweet smile

@PositivelyPERF

What it with pushing middle aged women to have that ridiculous hairstyle? It was fashionable when I was younger and I did actually have it 🤫 It’s so bloody hard to look after, especially if you have a ducks tail at the nape of your neck, like me! I think they drag short styles out of old hairdressing books and think because they’re from the 80s we will love them.

LOL I don't know!!! A couple of other women I know, have had this weird 'short and choppy at the back, 2-3 inches longer at the front' style lobbed at them! And yeah, it IS a kind of old style now.

summercat
The hairdresser is around 25, so obviously thinks my friend is old at 54, and should have a nice 'middle-aged-woman' hairstyle.

@PositivelyPERF
oh I can sooo relate to that. On the rare occasion I go to the ‘very nice’ ridiculously expensive hairdresser near me, the younger ones suggest cutting it, whereas the older hairdressers tell me not to. 😆

Ha ha. I know! I am not bashing the under 30's (at all!) but some of them do think women are all past it at 45-50, and shouldn't wear short skirts or have their hair long etc, and should all just take up knitting and embroidery, and sit down quietly of an evening reading 'woman's weekly!'

I am hurtling towards 50, and have never felt more youthful and vibrant! Yet I get people (younger people AND sometimes people my age too,) putting me down and implying I should 'grow up,' because I like pop music, video games, and netflix programmes. And I also have a calendar of my favourite film star on the bedroom wall, and I like collecting fantasy ornaments and ornaments of animals. I didn't know there was an age limit on having fun.

I have very short hair that is dyed Platinum blonde. I have had it like this since I was 20 and I am now in my mind forties.

I don't recognise this thing about men hating it. I've had nothing but compliments from men and women. Men tell me they love women with short hair. Sometimtes they love touching it even...especially where it is buzz cut on the back and sides.

I went out on the weekend and my partner was told by 3 different men that I was beautiful (they didn't tell me to my face for some reason...). I think my short hair makes me stand out and appear confident and men like that.

Women tell me I am brave. I think Im just lazy and can't be bothered looking after long hair.

Booked in for the hairdressers!

I have a book calleed Why is Sex Fun by Jared Diamond. He says that according to evolutionary theory men are attracted to signs that suggest a woman is capable of bearing children, which means signs of good health. The most obvious sign is body fat, which if true would explain why men prefer bigger bums on women than women do on themselves, for example.

He doesn't mention hair, but a copious amount of healthy looking hair is also going to be a sign of good health. Short hair could be hiding something. I wonder also if this is why in the past married women were expected to put their hair up or even hide it, and why in more recent times it is more normal for older women to cut their hair short or at least not wear it very long.

Another reason not mentioned is that a woman with short hair may (unless she has very delicate features) look boyish, and that might be a turn-off in the way that a man who looks small and feminine isn't generally going to be very attractive to women.

None of which says anything about what women should do with their hair. It's just an explaination of men's preference for long hair over short.

I suppose Jared Diamond, if he had read this thread, might add that both sexes have an evolutionary imperative to strike up conversations with members of the opposite sex in pubs, and that would explain why the laws allow people the freedom to do this - within reasonable limits - and would also explain why we do not have the right not to be offended by a well-intended but slightly maladroit remark like "but you look good with short hair". That would in turn explain why a remark like "And I normally don't judge strangers on their appearance but I find your general tone of misogyny quite unnattractive" might seem good on the Internet but will fall flat in real life, because it displays as much wit as a Dalek and they've no hair at all!

I taught a uni lecture today with 54 young women. Only two had bobbed hair and one of those two is a mature student. The other 52 had long hair, long enough to put up.