to be sick of "I usually don't like women with short hair, but..."?

[AnnaPannocchia]

Seriously, if I hear that sentence once again I might scream!

I have a pixie haircut, and I love it. It looks good on me. I also take care of myself, dress well, put make up on, etc etc. I am a normal, happy, young woman with short hair.

You would not believe the amount of men who feel the need to comment on my haircut, and communicate to me how they normally don't like women with short hair at all, but they are soooo surprised that it looks good on me! Shock horror! An attractive woman with short hair!!

This has happened to me many, many times. Last Friday a random man at the pub literally came over to my table just to share this enlightened observation with me

I am pretty sure it was intended as a compliment, but it sounds so patronizing and narrow-minded! Surely attractive women (exactly like men) come in different shapes, sizes, facial features and hairstyles!

What suits me might not suit another woman, but why the need to imply that all women with short hair are unattractive and I should be grateful that I am an exception to this apparenty universal rule??

AIBU to be tired of men who feel entitled to express non-requested opinions on my haircut while implying that women can only be attractive with long hair?

Sorry for the rant but

[Jazzy11]

Reply:
‘Oh really? Haha that’s funny because I don’t usually like egotistical materialistic chauvinistic men but... oh wait I still dont. 👋🏼goodbye’

[Toadinthehole]

What makes it even worse is that it's an abdication of your own responsibility to make decisions for yourself in favour of the easy option of playing the victim card. There are too many women with short hairstyles in positions of power to make me believe that there is any sort of conspiracy against them, still less any sort of bullying. It's more than a bit lazy to throw up your hands and say "Help! Help! I'm being oppressed!".

[Toadinthehole]

Married3Children

But there comes a point where it becomes absurd to care about people's opinion on something so minor. You have to make your choice and go with it.

You complained about patriarchy earlier, and claimed that men's preference for long hair is caused by it. I don't agree with that, but even if it were true, your reasoning is much more patriarchal. It suggests that women are so lacking in resilience that they need to be protected from well-meaning remarks or even opinions that, according to an abstract theory, potentially demean women. In short, women are delicate creatures who need to be protected.

Forget about the 1950s calling: that's more like the 1890s.

As I said earlier, where I live there are tonnes of women with short hair, and I expect none of them think of or care at all about what men's preferences as a group may be. And that's as it should be.

[Married3Children]

Seriously. Have your hair long if you want to, have it short if you don't. Why worry about what other people think and say?
Because clearly a lot of people do care about other people haircut and are happy to make unsolicited comments.

Because some young people are actually a really hard time for daring having chosen short hair rather the approved long hair.

And when you know you are going to get bullied for it, or you are going to get comments, then of course, most people will think about it and worry.
And the fact a lot of people clearly think it’s an ok thing to do IS an issue. Because, as you say, we shouod all be able to have whatever haircut we want (but we don’t unless you are happy to leave yourself open to endless comments and attacks)

[Jaygee61]

Ironically dd had a pixie cut during the holidays. It looks lovely but she is having hassle from both boys and girls since going back to her very small school who think it is okay to call her stupid names, laugh everyone she walks in the room and make up stupid songs about her.

It's a bloody joke tbh that other people feel the need to have so much opinion over someone else's body.

Isn’t it just? So much fuss over a bloody haircut! What is wrong with people?

[Bettyfood]

Or "I love your hair." "You look great". These are proper compliments. Without qualification.

[iMogster]

Saying to a woman who's 60...you look good for your age. Is it a compliment? You look great, sounds better.

I don't usually go for girls with short hair, but you look great. Again, is it a compliment? Hey I love your pixie cut, it looks great. Much better.

[S0ph1a]

I agree with what you say, but it's an extremely bad comparison. Once's colour, ethnicity and sexual orientation aren't matters of choice. One's appearance is a matter of choice and so it's quite normal and polite to make positive comments on how people have chosen to present themselves - clothes, hair etc

Actually it’s a quite good, although imperfect comparison. And I’m guessing you don’t know many people of colour, or lesbians or gay men because actually people do comment.

“ you're quite light skinned for someone from X aren’t you? “

“ you don’t look Asian / a lesbian to me “

“ how can you be from Y if you don’t have Afro hair “

“ I’d never have guessed you were gay “

And you may think it’s normal and polite to go up to stangers ( usually those who have less power than you ) and give them the benefit of your unsolicited opinions and prejudices. But as this thead has shown, many people find it offensive.

It’s completely different from a friend saying “ I love your new hairstyle”. That’s a compliment because

1. It’s not preceded by a bigoted comment
   
2. It’s in the context of an existing relationship
   
3. People usually care more about their friends opinions than those of random strangers
   
4. Both parties have equal power
   
5. Your friend isn’t trying to chat you up
   

Context is crucial.

[Toadinthehole]

S0ph1a

Try this - I go up to a black child in the playground and say “ I don’t normally like black kids but you are cute “.

What about “ I don’t usually like Jewish women as they have big noses but yours is ok “ ?

“ most lesbians are quite butch but you could pass at straight “

I agree with what you say, but it's an extremely bad comparison. Once's colour, ethnicity and sexual orientation aren't matters of choice. One's appearance is a matter of choice and so it's quite normal and polite to make positive comments on how people have chosen to present themselves - clothes, hair etc.

It's really quite ridiculous to imply that how one does one's hair is as equally a non-choice as one's skin colour.

MrsDilber

Plenty of women don’t like short blokes

Yes but you wouldn't go up to them and say "I don't usually like small blokes, but your height really suits you" would you?

I can assure you that stuff like that happens really quite often.

[Toadinthehole]

Married3Children

^Toad seeing the number of very negative reactions people have had because they have short hair, seeing the fact that all teens girls now have long (straight) hair, all the same, seeing the fact that most adverts show women with long hair as being feminine etc....
Yes there is such a ‘rule’ that to be feminine you should, have long hair.^

I didn’t invent it. It’s coming from looking around me and listening to people.

Just because some people hold (and may express) a negative opinion on women having short hair does not make it a rule. It just means some people don't like it. People hold all manner of likes and dislikes, which the rest of us are free to ignore.

A person who feels coerced on that basis not only denies themselves their right to make their own decisions for themselves but implicitly denies the right of other people to hold their own opinions and to express them. Just cut your hair already and ignore people who don't like it. They'll get over it - so should you. Where I live (NZ) it's really very normal for women to have short hair. I see them around me all the time. They look great. Most of the people above me in the organisation I work for are short-haired women, incidentally, including the the CEO.

And yes I do believe this is driven by our patriarchic society who is saying that women should look a certain way and men another (and men are supposed t have short hair...)
It’s part of a certain picture.

You could shorten that to just saying "because patriarchy", and so it is a non-argument.

I could just leave it there, but on the other hand I have given some reasons why there might be a male preference for long hair on women for evolutionary reasons. If this is so, there is no moral judgment in preferring it - it's just something that is ingrained. It would also explain why men have tended to have short hair (it's more work and why have it if women don't care). If so, these preferences aren't a societal construct and therefore not 'because patriarchy'.

And yes it’s also about men. When is the last time that a woman’s went to see a man and made a comment Iike this?? Never.

"I don't normally like longer hair on a man but yours suits you". I bet it's happened loads, but no one's complained because it's not really worth complaining about. I also expect it doesn't happen much these days because men generally have short hair. Back in the 70s I bet it happened a lot more.

Seriously. Have your hair long if you want to, have it short if you don't. Why worry about what other people think and say?

[Beehivesandhoney]

*everytime.

[Beehivesandhoney]

Ironically dd had a pixie cut during the holidays. It looks lovely but she is having hassle from both boys and girls since going back to her very small school who think it is okay to call her stupid names, laugh everyone she walks in the room and make up stupid songs about her.

It's a bloody joke tbh that other people feel the need to have so much opinion over someone else's body.

[KingLooieCatz]

Was that "Oh Wow" addressed to me? I meant to bad for the men that don't like me because I have short hair.

[Ohfuckinghellwhatnow]

Wow. Just, wow.

[KingLooieCatz]

I have had a pixie crop for 20 years. Not one single man has ever said that to me.

Not sure how I feel.

Perhaps I am why they don't like women with short hair?

To summarise, too bad.

[MrsDilber]

Plenty of women don’t like short blokes 

Yes but you wouldn't go up to them and say "I don't usually like small blokes, but your height really suits you" would you?

[bungaloid]

There is a subtlety in that analogy, that clothes / hair / make-up / tattoos are typically chosen and part of fashion. Skin colour or nose size typically not so much (fake tan and nose jobs aside). I have a no comment policy on all expressions of fashion, strangers or friends. Secretly I love crazy coloured hair and interesting styles, short or long!

[RosaDeZoett]

S0ph1a your analogy is brilliant

[Married3Children]

If people come up to you to compliment you, you must look really fab - lucky you. Just smile and say thanks

A compliment? If that is a compliment, Im wondering what an insult and/or a patronising comment look like!

And YY Soph1a it’s a ferybgood analogy.
Amazing how as women we have been conditioned to see any vaguely positive commentbas a complimentbwe should gratefully accept!

[AnnaPannocchia]

Soph1a your example with "black kid" is so spot on and describes perfectly what is wrong with that comment!

[clumsyduck]

I wish I could pull off a pixie cut but wouldn't suit my big head 😂

I don't see it as a compliment at all . Why do random men think we need there opinion at all?

[Sequencedress]

It’s called ‘negging’ and it’s a technique used by pick up ‘artists.’

[S0ph1a]

It’s NOT a compliment. It’s an expression of their own prejudices, their right to express their opinion to you and their expectation that you should care.

It’s done in a context of men getting to decide how woman should look, what’s acceptable and what’s not . Who should be allowed to go out in public. Context matters.

Try this - I go up to a black child in the playground and say “ I don’t normally like black kids but you are cute “.

Is that a compliment ? Or is it offensive because

1.it implies that black people are less attractive in general

1. It’s inappropriate because adults have more power than children and sometimes hurt them.
   

3.it suggest that my opinion as a white woman is relevant and should be expressed

1. Im expecting the child to be pleased that I have honoured then with my approval
   
2. In our society White people have more power and get to decide what’s attractive and what’s not.
   

What about “ I don’t usually like Jewish women as they have big noses but yours is ok “ ?

“ most lesbians are quite butch but you could pass at straight “

Do these sound like compliments to you?

[morningconstitutional2017]

I don't blame you for getting fed up with it but do remember that it is a compliment - so don't throw it in their faces. If people come up to you to compliment you, you must look really fab - lucky you. Just smile and say thanks.
I have a pixie cut and I'm considering going even shorter but am not quite brave enough. You can get away with it when you're young and lovely but I'm scared I'd look like a bulldog.

[AlmostAJillSandwich]

My hair is a rather lovely shade of luminous raspberry pink. When this fades out i have a few different shades of orange, blue and a lime green to choose from.
It doesn't get seen often as i'm mostly housebound through illness, but the times i do get out nobody has said anything negative, yet!