to be sick of "I usually don't like women with short hair, but..."?

[AnnaPannocchia]

Seriously, if I hear that sentence once again I might scream!

I have a pixie haircut, and I love it. It looks good on me. I also take care of myself, dress well, put make up on, etc etc. I am a normal, happy, young woman with short hair.

You would not believe the amount of men who feel the need to comment on my haircut, and communicate to me how they normally don't like women with short hair at all, but they are soooo surprised that it looks good on me! Shock horror! An attractive woman with short hair!!

This has happened to me many, many times. Last Friday a random man at the pub literally came over to my table just to share this enlightened observation with me

I am pretty sure it was intended as a compliment, but it sounds so patronizing and narrow-minded! Surely attractive women (exactly like men) come in different shapes, sizes, facial features and hairstyles!

What suits me might not suit another woman, but why the need to imply that all women with short hair are unattractive and I should be grateful that I am an exception to this apparenty universal rule??

AIBU to be tired of men who feel entitled to express non-requested opinions on my haircut while implying that women can only be attractive with long hair?

Sorry for the rant but

Some women have 'pixie' cuts because their hair is growing back after chemotherapy!

I cut my shoulder length hair short & my oldest daughters response was to cry when she saw me! Great for self esteem! I loved it! Plenty of other ppl complimented me on it but in the end I’ve let it grow out again! If I mention cutting it again she wails at me not to.

Is that a problem josh?

Up until December I had waist length hair. I cut it off into a Jenna Dewan Tatum inspired bob at Christmas. I've received no negative comments really other than my year 10s who were absolutely horrified that I'd cut off all my hair.

To be honest, I wish I hadn't, I can't shove my hair up in a bun, it's always got to be styled because Doesn't tie into a bobble. Never again will I go this short.

No, of course it’s not a problem. Just thought it was an interesting observation following on from the comments earlier that it’s unusual for any woman under 40 to have short hair.

I've got very short, buzzcut, hair which I've had since my late twenties when a perm went disastrously wrong. Before the perm disaster I had long hair.

People's reactions were so strong it amazed me. I had complete strangers (of both genders) come up to me in public places and say things like "You look ridiculous", "That's so unfeminine", "Are you a boy or a girl?" 'Positive' remarks were of the type "You're so brave", "You're lucky you've got the bone structure, I couldn't wear my hair that short" (my bone structure is more lugubrious horse than anything else), and the inevitable "Do you hate men?".

And complete strangers or brand new acquaintances often felt the need to touch my hair. (Actually, this still happens sometimes.)

My original idea was to grow my hair long again, which is why I had all the perm cut out. However all these remarks, both positive and negative, made me realise that short hair on a woman is a statement. Or seen to be that way. So, being generally the bloody-minded type, I decided to keep my hair short. Very short.

I love it. It's so easy. I cut it myself, whenever I want, and it's simple and comfortable to run the razor over my head at home and then take a shower afterwards. It's cheap, too!

I've got a range of responses I make when people (still) come up to me and make remarks, decades on, depending on just how rude or otherwise I think they're being.

The men I've loved and lived with (or whatever...) have often said that they didn't like my hair at first - although of course they weren't so rude as to say so - but they got to like it. They didn't, of course, they just got to like me and the hair was a part of me.

I wouldn't have long hair again for the world. Not only is it a faff, but with very short hair there's no temptation to hide behind it (I can't!). People notice me, which is useful on many occasions.

Have your hair the way you want it, the way you feel comfortable living your life. Everyone else adapts in the end!

I had thick long blonde hair Down to my bum and did "Brave The Shave" for Macmillan. Nobody believed I would actually go through with it but I raised a shit ton of donations and let my mum shave my hair off!

I discovered once I was sporting a bald head that I actually have a really weird shaped small head shaped like a baked bean. I let it grow back but won't let it get that long again. It was quite liberating not having to straighten it every day!

Tell him that it's a shame short hair doesn't suit him..
Stupid gender stereotypes!

Grossest comment I've had about my short hair was from a guy saying he preferred long hair because it gave him 'something to hang on to'

Also, just on the topic of screwed up gender roles; I shaved my head a year ago and go so many snide comments and side-eyes from my boss, despite the fact that a guy who works there has always had a shaved head. How is it fine for him, but not for me because I'm a woman?

I do think there is pressure both ways - to not have short hair young but to definitely have short hair by the time you are 50. People, particularly women are uncomfortable with other women having long hair when older.

I used to hear women said that before: oh man like woman with long straight hair, so I should straight my curly hair. Well they don't like to pay for the costs of have to go and straight my hair. Do they? Man shouldn't be telling woman how to live, they should shut up and be happy if they can find one to put up with them

Yes, comments like this are

Surely, the way to respond to them is, depending on what the commenting guy looks like ‘Well, I usually like guys with a beard / glasses / beer belly / curly hair / straight hair / receding hairline / ni hair / big nose etc’, but... it’s not a good look on you’

I have had a pixie cut a few times in the past.... you might just have inspired me to do it again. (But yes, why anyone thinks it’s appropriate to comment on people’s appearance like that beyond me.)

It's rude! If they want to compliment your hair, then compliment it. Why make it backhanded?
I hate my hair, I can't be doing with it, but I can't get away with it short. I've tried various styles and variations, but I always come out looking like Sooty's Cousin Scampy. Settled for longer but permanently scraped back into a bobble out of my way. Genuinely envious of those who can pull off short hair. My face is just too round.

I’ve had very short hair for the last couple of years (short bob before that) I am early 40’s
Love my short hair and never had any comments other than when it’s changed colour
I am a bit at this thread as I work with several women across a wide age range with short hair

Why not simply say "THANK you." ??

Most men don't bother thinking about hairstyles so to them, you're unexpectedly pretty with your pixie cut. A unicorn. Be polite.

Would you be this annoyed if a woman said, "wow! Love your cut! It's so cute/sophisticated. It wouldn't suit my face, but if it did, I would love to wear that style. You're so lucky." ?

Guys are idiots about fashion and they are probably thinking that they have groundbreaking news for you bc your style is astonishing to them.

It's like the "dog whistles" of "ism's". Most people are too involved with themselves to understand undercurrents.

I would love a compliment about my once beautiful hair. Wait until you're a few decades older and invisible except oma mother or grandmother capacity. If an admiring glance is sent my way now, I want to look behind me to see if it's for somebody else.

Do you have a list of acceptable compliments? If they do not know you, they can't compliment your fine sense of humor or capability to run five miles while listening to a master class.

Men are as insecure as women, maybe more so. Simply say "thank you" and smile politely.

I’ve been losing my hair over the last year due to illness and just had it cut to a longish pixie cut.
I’ve always had long blonde hair but now it’s short and natural colour ( can’t colour it due to the hair loss).
My confidence has gone and I don’t like how I look ... however I have started to feel more at home... i don’t have to style it or colour it.. feels more natural but hair being this way. And I do like in a way how I don’t stand out so much ( as some pointed out long blonde hair does come with wanted and unwanted attention). I had my hair long and light for 15 years as I loved it and I’m fair with light eyes so suited me. Now I remind myself more of tangled at the end of the film ( if anyone has seen it her hair is short and brown..)
She’s more normal I suppose!

Embarrassed by my previous long comment but i do have a final question: when my ds was young, he Loved his long hair. Got tons of negative comments. I don't remember a single compliment. How is this different from short haired women?

YANBU but unsolicited and unwelcome opinions on appearance aren’t the sole preserve of men.

Surely the issue is NOT whether one likes or doesn’t like short hair.
It’s about the fact that a MAN clearly said to a WOMAN that not following the so called RULE that a woman has to have long hair isn’t acceptable.
This guy wasn’t expressing his preferences. He was deeply misogynistic. So much so that he also thought it was ok for him to go and express that POV to someone he didn’t even know.

Very much, I am the man and I’m going to tell you how you are supposed to be dressed/have your hair done.
Oh and because I’m ever so kind, I’m also going to give you a very patronising ‘but I’ll let you off the hook’ comment.

It’s very different than women saying that they don’t lie facial hair btw. Because there is no ‘rule’ that say that men should or shouldn’t have facial hair (nor do women have a position of privilege/power)

I really do not see the perceived opinion that men who compliment are saying that women must wear long hair? If we are heading in this direction, why not a cry of outrage about the hajib or burka?

The only times i heard the long hair opinion was the Deep South of the USA, Mormons and Muslims.

Good for you choosing a style that suits you and is not the usual long blonde tresses that seem to be obligatory for females. At times I look and see groups of females all with the same style and colour with little variations in highlights. Hate to say it but we seem to do nothing other than wear our hair and clothing all for the male approval. Why do female pop stars appear wearing almost nothing when the male pop stars don't seem to appear only wearing budgie smugglers.They have more sense.

Theluckynumberthree DD and I both love Rapunzel's short brown hair, she looks super cute! And so much easier without all that brushing I imagine

Bramble Yes!