to be sick of "I usually don't like women with short hair, but..."?

[AnnaPannocchia]

Seriously, if I hear that sentence once again I might scream!

I have a pixie haircut, and I love it. It looks good on me. I also take care of myself, dress well, put make up on, etc etc. I am a normal, happy, young woman with short hair.

You would not believe the amount of men who feel the need to comment on my haircut, and communicate to me how they normally don't like women with short hair at all, but they are soooo surprised that it looks good on me! Shock horror! An attractive woman with short hair!!

This has happened to me many, many times. Last Friday a random man at the pub literally came over to my table just to share this enlightened observation with me

I am pretty sure it was intended as a compliment, but it sounds so patronizing and narrow-minded! Surely attractive women (exactly like men) come in different shapes, sizes, facial features and hairstyles!

What suits me might not suit another woman, but why the need to imply that all women with short hair are unattractive and I should be grateful that I am an exception to this apparenty universal rule??

AIBU to be tired of men who feel entitled to express non-requested opinions on my haircut while implying that women can only be attractive with long hair?

Sorry for the rant but

[Toadinthehole]

Married3Children

Surely thev issue is NOT whether one likes or doesn’t like short hair.
It’s about the fact that a MAN clearly said to a WOMAN that not following the so called RULE that a woman has to have long hair isn’t acceptable.

What rule is this?

This guy wasn’t expressing his preferences. He was deeply misogynistic. So much so that he also thought it was ok for him to go and express that POV to someone he didn’t even know.

It's not misogynistic to have a preference or to express it, unless the reasons for holding it are misogynistic.

Very much, I am the man and I’m going to tell you how you are supposed to be dressed/have your hair done.

You must trip over misogyny at every turn. Sucks to be you.

Oh and because I’m ever so kind, I’m also going to give you a very patronising ‘but I’ll let you off the hook’ comment.

Which would make you the bigot in that exchange, by jumping to conclusions about the person's attitude.

[CosyLulu]

I think the long hair thing is a fashion thing at the moment. I always had short hair ‘back in the day’ and so did most of my friends. At dd’s secondary school she is the only girl with short hair! There was one other in sixth form but she left last year.

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

In the 80s...there were dozens of different cuts on girls when I was at school...

I live close to two huge schools.... The hairstyles do seem a bit homogenous now...

[Sarahrellyboo1987]

Personally I don’t like short hair...on me! I love my hair long - it’s practice and so frizzy so it’s easy to put up.
Other than that there is no need to comment on hair - either you say you like it or you keep your mouth shut.
There’s absolutely no need to be rude

[Sarahrellyboo1987]

@Ismthedevilsadvocate agreed. However, I feel the 80’s were much more about standing out visually. Shoulder pads at the ready!
Individualism is more materialistic now - makeup, backpack, clothes, phones etc.

[Headofthehive55]

I was shouted at and screamed at in my face in the 80s because my hair wasn't of the 80s type. So no, don't think it was anything goes, there was a type and children and adults couldn't cope with me not fitting in!

[Celticrose]

When I was a child with long hair my mum took me to the hairdressers just for a trim but the hairdresser got a bit scissor happy and cut my hair really short Cue horrified mum and irate dad. Had my school picture taken with this cut and mum put it in a frame on mantlepiece. Cue comments on their lovely son Hair was not kept short

[Celticrose]

I am in a facebook group for my hometown which often posts photos including school photos from the 40s to present day. The girls mostly appear to have short hair in the 40s 50s and 60s and in the earlier ones from even the 20s and 30s.

[Jaygee61]

Going by some of the comments and reactions here to people having long hair cut short, short hair seems to have some really negative connotations

[Married3Children]

Toad seeing the number of very negative reactions people have had because they have short hair, seeing the fact that all teens girls now have long (straight) hair, all the same, seeing the fact that most adverts show women with long hair as being feminine etc....
Yes there is such a ‘rule’ that to be feminine you should, have long hair.

I didn’t invent it. It’s coming from looking around me and listening to people.

And yes I do believe this is driven by our patriarchic society who is saying that women should look a certain way and men another (and men are supposed t have short hair...)
It’s part of a certain picture.

And yes it’s also about men. When is the last time that a woman’s went to see a man and made a comment Iike this?? Never.

[AlmostAJillSandwich]

My hair is a rather lovely shade of luminous raspberry pink. When this fades out i have a few different shades of orange, blue and a lime green to choose from.
It doesn't get seen often as i'm mostly housebound through illness, but the times i do get out nobody has said anything negative, yet!

[morningconstitutional2017]

I don't blame you for getting fed up with it but do remember that it is a compliment - so don't throw it in their faces. If people come up to you to compliment you, you must look really fab - lucky you. Just smile and say thanks.
I have a pixie cut and I'm considering going even shorter but am not quite brave enough. You can get away with it when you're young and lovely but I'm scared I'd look like a bulldog.

[S0ph1a]

It’s NOT a compliment. It’s an expression of their own prejudices, their right to express their opinion to you and their expectation that you should care.

It’s done in a context of men getting to decide how woman should look, what’s acceptable and what’s not . Who should be allowed to go out in public. Context matters.

Try this - I go up to a black child in the playground and say “ I don’t normally like black kids but you are cute “.

Is that a compliment ? Or is it offensive because

1.it implies that black people are less attractive in general

1. It’s inappropriate because adults have more power than children and sometimes hurt them.
   

3.it suggest that my opinion as a white woman is relevant and should be expressed

1. Im expecting the child to be pleased that I have honoured then with my approval
   
2. In our society White people have more power and get to decide what’s attractive and what’s not.
   

What about “ I don’t usually like Jewish women as they have big noses but yours is ok “ ?

“ most lesbians are quite butch but you could pass at straight “

Do these sound like compliments to you?

[Sequencedress]

It’s called ‘negging’ and it’s a technique used by pick up ‘artists.’

[clumsyduck]

I wish I could pull off a pixie cut but wouldn't suit my big head 😂

I don't see it as a compliment at all . Why do random men think we need there opinion at all?

[AnnaPannocchia]

Soph1a your example with "black kid" is so spot on and describes perfectly what is wrong with that comment!

[Married3Children]

If people come up to you to compliment you, you must look really fab - lucky you. Just smile and say thanks

A compliment? If that is a compliment, Im wondering what an insult and/or a patronising comment look like!

And YY Soph1a it’s a ferybgood analogy.
Amazing how as women we have been conditioned to see any vaguely positive commentbas a complimentbwe should gratefully accept!

[RosaDeZoett]

S0ph1a your analogy is brilliant

[bungaloid]

There is a subtlety in that analogy, that clothes / hair / make-up / tattoos are typically chosen and part of fashion. Skin colour or nose size typically not so much (fake tan and nose jobs aside). I have a no comment policy on all expressions of fashion, strangers or friends. Secretly I love crazy coloured hair and interesting styles, short or long!

[MrsDilber]

Plenty of women don’t like short blokes 

Yes but you wouldn't go up to them and say "I don't usually like small blokes, but your height really suits you" would you?

[KingLooieCatz]

I have had a pixie crop for 20 years. Not one single man has ever said that to me.

Not sure how I feel.

Perhaps I am why they don't like women with short hair?

To summarise, too bad.

[Ohfuckinghellwhatnow]

Wow. Just, wow.

[KingLooieCatz]

Was that "Oh Wow" addressed to me? I meant to bad for the men that don't like me because I have short hair.

[Beehivesandhoney]

Ironically dd had a pixie cut during the holidays. It looks lovely but she is having hassle from both boys and girls since going back to her very small school who think it is okay to call her stupid names, laugh everyone she walks in the room and make up stupid songs about her.

It's a bloody joke tbh that other people feel the need to have so much opinion over someone else's body.

[Beehivesandhoney]

*everytime.