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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be sick of "I usually don't like women with short hair, but..."?

285 replies

AnnaPannocchia · 25/02/2018 11:28

Seriously, if I hear that sentence once again I might scream!

I have a pixie haircut, and I love it. It looks good on me. I also take care of myself, dress well, put make up on, etc etc. I am a normal, happy, young woman with short hair.

You would not believe the amount of men who feel the need to comment on my haircut, and communicate to me how they normally don't like women with short hair at all, but they are soooo surprised that it looks good on me! Shock horror! An attractive woman with short hair!!

This has happened to me many, many times. Last Friday a random man at the pub literally came over to my table just to share this enlightened observation with me Confused

I am pretty sure it was intended as a compliment, but it sounds so patronizing and narrow-minded! Surely attractive women (exactly like men) come in different shapes, sizes, facial features and hairstyles!

What suits me might not suit another woman, but why the need to imply that all women with short hair are unattractive and I should be grateful that I am an exception to this apparenty universal rule??

AIBU to be tired of men who feel entitled to express non-requested opinions on my haircut while implying that women can only be attractive with long hair?

Sorry for the rant but AngryAngryAngry

OP posts:
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CaptainCardamom · 25/02/2018 12:25

Yes, it has changed and is part of the weird polarisation and narrowing of the way boys and girls are socialised to look and behave, that has got so much more extreme since I was a child. (And which IMO may have something to do with the increase in numbers of people feeling unhappy with the sex they are, because they don't fit a ridiculously narrow idea of what each sex is supposed to be like.... though that's another thread.)

My DD had the cutest short bob when she was a baby/toddler, mainly to keep it easy to look after. She went to school and immediately wanted to grow it because she felt weird. Now, she doesn't like the tangles but if I suggest getting it cut short, she says she wants to but she's too scared because she'll feel like people will notice and comment on it and make a big deal out of it, which she hates. It's so sad and frustrating (though I don't get annoyed with her of course).

I have short hair and always have had, apart from a few half-hearted attempts to grow it which as FakeMews describes just drove me bonkers. Never had any problem getting boyfriends, but had plenty of people saying it's too short and I should grow it - male and female. When I was at school, and young in the 80s, loads of girls/women had short hair, and now it's much rarer and despite everything I do feel a bit conspicuous.

But, I do like it when I see or meet another woman with funky short hair. There's a kind of sisterhood and a respect for someone who bucks the trend.

elisenbrunnen · 25/02/2018 12:27

I hate that long hair look that all Americans seem to have - long hair scraped from the back of the head, that 'bunches' over their chests.

Dunno if it's meant to enhance the boob-area or what - but all I can think about is how annoying and how hairy it is! How do they eat?

It's not remotely attractive.

sugarycerealfan · 25/02/2018 12:27

My cousin has a pixie cut and I love it! Every time I see her I wish that I would suit one, it's just looks so easy to style and maintain (hers looks great very short and when it's starting to grow out).
So I have nothing to add about other people's opinions but I just wanted to say how envious I am that you have one Grin

Headofthehive55 · 25/02/2018 12:27

Whereas I'm really pleased there is a trend for long hair at school. I was teased early 80s as girls generally had their hair short and I dared to be different! It's meant mine have been able to have long hair without comment.

Headofthehive55 · 25/02/2018 12:29

I find my short hair hard work. I never feel good, always feel about 90!

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 25/02/2018 12:29

Sorry I meant to add I have never had comments on my hair, or maybe I have and just didn’t pick up on it, I’m not really bothered I know what looks best on me

ferrier · 25/02/2018 12:33

Complete rubbish about being gender stereotyping. I have my hair long because shock horror I prefer it that way. It looks nicer, is more practical and makes me feel better.
I prefer men with long hair too!

noeffingidea · 25/02/2018 12:34

Headofthehive I can't remember that at all. I remember curly perms being very popular in the early 80's, not particularly long or short.

BuzzKillington · 25/02/2018 12:35

I think you're lucky if you can get away with short hair.

I have curly hair, so a pixie cut would make me look like Harpo Marx.

I think it's ingrained in a lot of people, long hair = attractive.

CaptainCardamom · 25/02/2018 12:36

Remember getting a taxi to the hairdressers and just before I got out the taxi driver says "don't have it cut too short; I don't like women with short hair"

Shock :o FFS!

There are LOADS of women I see with long hair (or more often shoulder-length, like they want a change but going short would be too drastic) who I think would look amazing with it shorter. I sometimes feel like I want to make little flyers with picture suggestions and surreptitiously hand them to people. Same with slebs. Kate Middleton could really rock a chunky, glossy pixie, it would be amazing.

OTOH I've also noticed that a lot of the most feted beautiful women in the public eye do have (or have had) short hair and no one questions that they are look great - Audrey Hepburn, Juliette Binoche, Michelle Williams, Jennifer Lawrence, Rihanna, Judi Dench. Everyone went mad for Elizabeth Debicki in the Night Manager, she was the ultimate sexy femme fatale - short hair. It's weird.

noeffingidea · 25/02/2018 12:36

ferrier it's not just about you and what you like though, it's about trends and what is considered socially acceptable.

KochabRising · 25/02/2018 12:37

Complete rubbish about being gender stereotyping. I have my hair long because shock horror I prefer it that way.

I disagree. You as an individual wear your hair however you prefer it. Mine is long at the moment too because I like it just now. It’s been short because I liked it short then. That’s your own individual choice.

But the overall trend and pressure for long hair, and for women to look a certain way, is real. I was born in the 70s and I’ve seen a huge change in how women are supposed to look, behave and groom. Absolutely huge. I think back to when I was 16-18 and it was much more common for girls and women to look less girly - shaved heads, cropped hair, etc etc. There was less social pressure, I’m in no doubt of that.

chirpyburbycheapsheep · 25/02/2018 12:38

Complete rubbish about being gender stereotyping

I think the point those posters were making was that children are feeling like they have less choice nowadays and that if they are a girl they have to have long hair and if they are a boy they have to have short hair. It's the freedom to make the personal choice without judgement that's important not whether you have long hair or not.

Jaygee61 · 25/02/2018 12:38

*noeffingidea”

In the early 80s the wedge cut was all the range, as was the Diana.

ChunkyNotSoKitKat · 25/02/2018 12:39

Is this thread about short hair or more about you letting everybody know that your attractive

CaptainCardamom · 25/02/2018 12:42

I've also noticed that a lot of men will go mad for a woman with long blonde hair, whatever. At my last workplace there was a woman with long very immaculate blonde hair, who was also a real cow (really nasty to people, slagged off a disabled staff member for having his stump on show, stuff like that!) and had a permanently sneery bulldog-licking-piss-off-a-nettle expression. 90% of the men were in love with her, bypassing lots of really lovely, attractive, less-fabulously haired women. It was fascinating. (I was happily attached myself at the time so it's not sour grapes honest!)

Italiangreyhound · 25/02/2018 12:45

@AnnaPannocchia YADNBU

No idea why random men feel the need to spout their views at you. Is it a kind of chat up line or is it maybe some sort of bizarre permission giving by males?

How do you respond?

I wonder if you say 'Thank you' or something else?

I think short hair on attractive women looks attractive and long hair on attractive women looks attractive. But as beauty is in the eye of the beholder I bet women and men would all come up with different examples of exactly who is attractive.

RoseWhiteTips · 25/02/2018 12:45

I think, OP, most - all? - prefer women to have longer hair. That doesn't necessarily mean long hair per se but hair that is about shoulder length. OH does, I know.

The pixie cut is too short and imo it does not flatter as much as a longer style.

RoseWhiteTips · 25/02/2018 12:46

...most - all? - men prefer...

ferrier · 25/02/2018 12:46

It was a comment that effectively said that women who choose long hair are conforming to gender stereotypes that I objected to.

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 25/02/2018 12:47

I think a short cut can look fantastic!

I am amazed that it seems every single girl child seems to have long hair now - you hardly ever see a girl with short hair. Why? I agree that it is nice to have long hair, but takes a lot of maintenance particularly if the child does a lot of sports, etc.

Qvar · 25/02/2018 12:48

Some men need reminding that they are out in public, not mastubrating in their own bathroom over Porn Hub, and that people can both hear and be offended by their inner monologue.

ferrier · 25/02/2018 12:49

And tbh I disagree that girls these days are more inclined to have long hair. Many girls from my dc's circles have pixie cuts etc.

ferrier · 25/02/2018 12:50

Long hair takes way less maintenance if you do sports. Just tie it up. Job done.

KochabRising · 25/02/2018 12:50

t was a comment that effectively said that women who choose long hair are conforming to gender stereotypes that I objected to.

No that wasn’t my point. My point is not criticise any woman with long hair. I have long hair just now :) you, as a free individual do whatever you want. Your choice. Your hair. No one else has a say! You do you!

My point was that there is pressure on women as a whole (and men too) to look dress and act a certain way. And that this feeds into a toxic climate where women with shaved heads are abused and boys with long hair are mocked. And means that people could feel constrained on how hey dress, act and look due to ridiculous narrow gender stereotyping.

It’s not a comment on you as an individual- you have free will and you can have your hair however you want.

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