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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum refusing to talk to me because she lost my son

524 replies

FindingEmo · 24/02/2018 17:44

I've gone to visit my parents this week (although they only live 30 mins away but our house is being renovated so they thought it might be nice).. We are staying in their spare room. I have 3 ds aged 4, 2 & 6months. My dh had to head home today as he has to work tomorrow. My dad likes things orderly and with 3 young children around things have been a bit chaotic. Anyway my dm said she would take 2 older dc to the park to burn off some energy, there's a footpath that runs along side it then up over a hill so df said he'd walk with them and the take the dogs over the hill. When they reached the park ds1 (4) tried to carry on with df. He followed quite far until df said no go back to your nan. He the went off on his walk. Ds didn't go back to his nan he waited for a bit then tried to follow df. Apparently ds was 'missing' for about 20 mins until dm found him. She bought him back to her house in tears, refused to tell me what happened and went to bed. I finally got the story out of her but she's refused to come downstairs. I'm now cooking tea and trying to juggle 3 tired dc as DF is still out. I feel like I'm being punished for my parents losing my son. (for balance I normally get on really well with my parents, I speak to them most days, always go to them for advise, they baby sit a lot for us etc). AIBU to be pissed off.

OP posts:
Sennelier1 · 26/02/2018 19:27

I could just hit your dad in the face! Why didn't he walk his 4 year-old grandson back to his nan instead of telling that small child to do so by himself?? No, your mom is not to blame, your dad is! And yes I know, sometimes.....kids..... But your dad, an adult, and with that a father ánd grandfather, was in the full possibilities of preventing your little boy got lost! [ "The kid should've done as I told him"? My arse stupid man! ] That chilfCd wanted to walk with his grandfather, and is to young to see the consequences of not obeying. If it was my father I would've never trusted him with my children again. Not ever!

KendalMintCakey · 26/02/2018 19:30

I lost my son on IOW for what seemed like an eternity. Trust me, it is the worst feeling in the world. She may have thought the worst had happened. It's not her fault. It's your Dad's. (Why are you blaming her?)

Your son should always hold a grown up's hand and be punished if he doesn't. It's for his safety and wellbeing.

Lovelymess · 26/02/2018 19:32

Oh your poor mum is probably very traumatised. Go up and give her a hug xxx

niklew · 26/02/2018 19:36

I feel sorry for you OP, you have done nothing wrong and now left feeling in limbo by your parents who you sound really close to.

To be honest if my parents or parents in law lost my child for 20 mins I would find it difficult to let them take them out again ..

bastardkitty · 26/02/2018 19:36

Oh RTFT FFS!

MsGameandWatching · 26/02/2018 19:39

She can't give her a hug, OP has gone home. Also granny wasn't so traumatised that she couldn't text her daughter and tell her to make sure she paid for an item that granny had ordered to be delivered. And Grandpa wasn't too upset that he couldn't yell aggressively at his daughter and tell her how ungrateful she was. Both traumatised grandparents also managed to blame the four year old for his predicament.

Almost 500 posts in and people still answer as though they're the first one to arrive and make a comment Hmm

frasier · 26/02/2018 19:45

Lovelymess Read the thread! The OP's mother called the police and got her arrested. How can she hug her from prison?!

frasier · 26/02/2018 19:45

Or perhaps I made that up Grin

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/02/2018 19:47

The GM runs up stairs hides like a old, hides herself away like a teenager. Refuses to accept an apology from a 4 year old who incidentally did nothing wrong, and broke a promise to him about having a movie night.
Yet according to Martell. Op is childlike. Confused
I'm afraid i don't follow with that one.
Is Martell the GM

iMogster · 26/02/2018 19:52

I would be very upset if my parents had lost my 4 year old and 20 mins is ages. It was also completely avoidable. I think your DM is feeling guilty and is not ready to talk yet. The most worrying part is your DF not seeing he is at fault and pushing the blame onto DM and a 4 year old. I personally couldn't trust him to look after the kids again.

Original poster
findingemo · 26/02/2018 20:05

maureen if you read the thread you would see that I went to speak to my mum and she refused to speak to me or my ds. Also I was struggling as I was trying to cook and console my ds who wouldn't stop crying or clinging to me and trying to comfort my 6mo as we would normally eat earlier and my little one would be feeding but I was fitting into dp schedule.

OP posts:
frasier · 26/02/2018 20:07

FindingEmo Flowers

shakeyourcaboose · 26/02/2018 20:25

@findingemo, please ignore the bizarre GM cheerleaders/comforters on the thread. You HAVE done the right thing by your children by coming home.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 26/02/2018 20:35

Your poor mum is recovering from the shock. 20 minutes is a long time. She must have been beside herself worried sick. She’s older too, cut her some slack. She’s not sulking. Some horrible responses from people who really have no clue how you’re mum must have felt.

DartmoorDoughnut · 26/02/2018 20:36

Your parents are dicks.

Hope your poor DS is ok and that you realise that neither you or him have done anything wrong! Your parents offered to have you come and stay, they offered to take the boys out and they made your DS get lost poor love!

Nettie1964 · 26/02/2018 20:48

Your poor mum! Horrible for her thank God she found him. Shit happens. Lesson learned make her tea or a big gin. Forgive and forget. Your Dad needs a kick tho😁

WazFlimFlam · 26/02/2018 20:56

My jaw is on the floor with all the victim blaming here. On the last two pages alone there have been several suggestions that the OP is responsible for propagating a 'rift' between her and her parents for going home when she had planned to, and when they were refusing to speak to her.

I also hate the way that people in their 50s get away with playing the frail old person card. Surely there are plenty of people on here who still have children at home when they are in their 50s?

StaplesCorner · 26/02/2018 21:04

I'm 56 - when I go to work tomorrow I am SO going to play the frail old person card. Although the lady I work with is 71 so she has first dibs.

StaplesCorner · 26/02/2018 21:04

(Agreeing with Waz.)

WooWooSister · 26/02/2018 21:05

RadioGaGoo at 4, my DC were in P1. If they were out on a trip with school, for example, I'd absolutely expect them to be able to follow instructions.

Sparklyhousedust · 26/02/2018 21:06

maureenlydia
I actually think the sooner you go and console your mum and let her know you have absolute faith, (as you obviously have had previously), and these things can happen. Next time your dad has to wait till he sees the kid meet the adult etc... but that you are not cross. Also think the kids should feel safe with their grandparents and not get any whiff of you judging your mum. It could be you one day.

Absolute faith? Not cross? No whiff of judging? Are you serious?!

jarhead123 · 26/02/2018 21:08

Its your dads fault IMO. He should have made sure your Mum had him/knew he was now her responsibility!

RadioGaGoo · 26/02/2018 21:22

WooWooSister So? You know the capabilities of your children. So do most parents.

Married3Children · 26/02/2018 21:30

I’ve lost dc1 when he was about 3 yo.
I have a quite good idea of how the OP’s mum must have felt.

If it has been me with a grand child, no way I would ever have refused to talk to my dc about what happened or tried to make it it was her fault or the child’s fault.
I wouldn’t have just stayed silent, locked in my bedroom.

I would have spent PLENTY OF TIME cuddling my grand child and reassuring him.
I would talk to my own child, the parent and apologise profusely about what had happened.
And in this particular case, I wouod have had a stern word with H (the grand father) aboutbthe fact you always double check that the child is back with an adult and that the adult knows about it.

Just like I wouod have done with my own dc.

The reaction of the grand mother and grand father is weird to say the least.

OP have you had the opportunity to check in your parents again? Is your mum speaking to you?

MsJudgemental · 26/02/2018 21:35

OP, I thought your parents must be in their 80s, or 70s at least! Late 50s? Ridiculous; no excuse for their behaviour.