To ask what you'd think about someone who had a baby at 14

[Applestrawberryblackcurrant]

Would this make you want to give the person a wide birth? Or would you not be bothered. Asking for friend.

People will judge. That’s life.

All you can do is support the children involved if you can.

If it’s a friend of your child then talk to them about how they can support their friend, but not to the exclusion of doing other stuff too.

I would feel sorry for her. Not sure about the 'wide berth' thing? Why would you do that?

How old is this 'someone' now?

I'd feel sorry for them. They have obviously been let down by a lot of people. They should be looking forward to burgeoning adulthood, planning a career, a gap year, enjoying the freedom that earning a wage can bring.

Parenthood is bloody hard even when you are older and have life experience, financial security, supportive and involved co-parent and are in a committed relationship - I can't imagine a 14 year old having any of those things.

I work with somebody whose 14 year old daughter had a baby recently. The baby's father is 13. Apparently the baby was 'planned'.

It's no different to someone choosing to have their first when they are 40
It's very different, actually . One is an adult, the other is not.

When I was young I knew two girls who had babies before 16.

One a girl at school who partied, drank and smoked and skipped school, she was spectacularly badly parented with little supervision. I don't think she could have been a good influence on anyone.

The second was my cousin who was a straight A and straight laced. She shocked her quite evangelical Christian friends and family. She kept her friendship group and was very well supported by her school.

20 years on both are happily married and settled like most kids. Both matured massively from having children young and I wouldn't wish that on anyone but you can't go back in time. My cousin has done very well for herself professionally but she has always felt she has so much to prove.

I would think the parenting had been very poor and would feel sorry for the baby not the parents.

As for wide berth, who can say without context.

At 14 she is just a child. The thought of a girl of that age giving birth, in pain, on a maternity ward makes me hope she will have a sensible, loving partner and probably a caring loving mum by her side.

I was scared giving birth in my 30s.

I would worry for her. I would feel sad she'd not had the chance to experience the rest of her childhood and early adulthood free of ties.

On birth of my first child, all selfishness stopped. I had another person to look after. I could no longer go out whenever I wanted, I couldn't up root and go travelling whenever I wanted, I couldn't b free. At 14 this young person may never experience freedom and the joys if adolescence and adulthood.

It is sad but if she is sensible, determined, caring, has a very very good support network, things may well be fine

A school friend of mine had a 14 yo (may even have been 13) sister who was pregnant by her 19 yo boyfriend. Definitely not mature enough. That was definitely poor parenting by her mother. I always got the impression that her father was decent enough but just got overruled by the mum. My friend drank a lot (turned up at school drunk) & dropped out of school with minimal exam passes at 16 - still hadn't even tried getting a job 2 years later.
I wouldn't even consider rape to be honest, I'd just assume really crap parenting (though granted it's not always the case)

Irresponsible and ruined her young life, not able to enjoy the freedom and fun of later teenage years.

Depends. If they were a nice person doing their best for their kid then I’d really admire them. Then having been young when they had dc wouldn’t put me off being friends with them or my dc being friends with theirs.

Don't think I would put much thought into it. Maybe that I hope they have support around them?

I would feel very, very sorry for them. Its not what I would want for my dds in a million years.

I got pregnant at 14, I wasnt raped and I decided I was going to keep the baby, unfortuantely I misscarried at 17 weeks which at the time I was devastated over but looking back I can see that it could of been for the best. Tbh I dont think people judged me, I mainly got sympathy however my parents and the father were judged negatively though.
I also became a step mum to a 4 year old when I was 18, people normally assumed I was her older sister but if they did find out I was her stepmum they did unfairly judge but I loved and cared for her just as much as a 28 year would of done and there was no need to pity me or her just because I was 18.
Would you judge someone who got pregnant at 14 and had an abortion? Fair enough if they are being a shit parent and not looking after the child but pressuming they are being responsable and the child is loved and healthy then why would you want to keep a distance?
That says a lot more about you than it does about them.

Deeply worried for the welfare of the pregnant girl.

Not quite sure why I'd give them a "wide berth"

I would feel for her and certainly wouldn't give her a wide berth.

A few of the girls at my school gave birth around this age and got ditched by their trendy friends, also in relationships. I kept in touch and admired them for bringing up their babies and the girls I knew got their lives back on track later. People I would give a wide berth to would be the "friends" who ditched them as they were pregnant.

The context of who you know them is important.

Would I give someone a wide berth at work because 20 years ago they had a baby at 14? No of course not

Would I ignore a neighbours child who had a baby at 14? No I would treat them With respect and kindness, ask after the baby If I saw them pushing a pram, perhaps offer baby stuff we were no longer using etc.

Would I be thrilled with my (imaginary) 14 year old son or daughter becoming best friends with this child? Well no to be honest. Because I wouldn’t want under age sex, teen pregnancy and motherhood normalised. And in many (but not all) cases there will be other issues with the family which have contributed to the state of affairs and I wouldn’t want my child exposed to them.

I would feel so bad for her....thats not an Ideal situation obviously but these things happen sometimes. I would hope she had lots of support so she could still somewhat live life while having help to support baby and learn to do all the household stuff.
Oh and don't let it happen again anytime soon that's enough to seriously screw some people up. She needs to consider some serious contraception, I'm thinking the coil thats years of safety right there Give her a chance to catch up on life. 1 child isn't too bad, eventually they can go to nursery so mum can get to work etc. I say all this as a young mum and do was young too (still together 15+ years and two more dc later) I loved my child but I know I fucked up and it was so depressing watching everyone carry on while I was stuck with a baby it took me while to learn to appreciate my new life. Eventually got back to work and slowly getting things sorted I just wish I had been a bit more educated.

I might wonder what her story was but wouldn’t judge.
Anyone that gives her a wide berth doesn’t deserve to be in her life.

10 years ago I may have judged. Until I met somebody who gave birth at 14. She is the same age as me. I will say she is one of the most successful, loyal, beautiful people I have ever met and a fantastic mother. She was in her relationship with the dad for many many years. I think it would be wrong to give somebody a wide berth because of their past! I learned a lot from her and she has inspired me to be a better person/mum in many ways!

At the time - ie while they were still 14, I'd feel sorry and concerned for them and wonder a bit about the circumstances. However years later if they were doing well working or studying and bringing up a happy and healthy 4, 5, 6 year old plus I'd respect them all the more for overcoming a huge challenge.

I'm currently studying with a woman who had a baby while still in school - her baby's father is her age and they were at school together, and now in their mid 20s are about to get married. They've made it work with support from his parents, whom they lived with for several years. Hers were not supportive and have a strained relationship with her now, which is the only thing to judge.

Someone up thread said there are worse things then a 14 year old having a baby. Personally I disagree (especially as it means they're having sex at 13 probably). I'd feel for the welfare and emotional state of a child in such a position, poor love.

Why would I judge or avoid her?

She was a child who was either abused or had sex too young with someone her own age. Neither of them would make her a bad person or someone who I would avoid.

I wouldn’t judge, you don’t know the reasons. As long as she’s a good mum then I don’t see the problem. Of course she’s been failed by adults along the way but at very least they’re brave to continue knowing the adversity. I know a woman who had a baby at 14, she runs a business that earns her 100k and sets a great example of working hard to have nice things. Perhaps she has changed my view. Life is what you make it is running through my head.