To ask what you'd think about someone who had a baby at 14

[Applestrawberryblackcurrant]

Would this make you want to give the person a wide birth? Or would you not be bothered. Asking for friend.

Honestly? I would feel bitter, angry and jealous.

I fully appreciate that is entirely my own issue, is completely irrational, and stems from my deep regret at how I handled my own unplanned pregnancy when I was actually in much better circumstances.

I would of course be polite, friendly and supportive to the person (as I am to anyone who I come across that’s had an unplanned baby); but there may be times where I’d have to distance myself for the sake of my own mental health. So not exactly giving a wide berth, but not necessarily able to be 100% bosom buddies all the time either.

Just thought I’d give another perspective - not everyone that acts distant is doing it because they’re disapproving - sometimes it’s because of something personal to them

It is not rape because she is underage!!!!!!!

@cocobilly Maybe said 14yr old would have been terrified of telling her parents? Who knows... the parents might have stepped in and led her to consider her options; perhaps she kept it hidden until she could do nothing more about it. Paralysed with fear. At 14 she may not have realised the ramifications and that pregnancy will lead to an eventual birth of a child.

While there are always exceptions generally being a parent that young is t a good thing. Teenage pregnancy has fallen massively and there are only a tiny number of 13 and 14 year olds giving birth. Hoping this is a culture change.

Yes I realise that Aridane but others on here can't seem to grasp it .

"Whether or not the child consented to this act is irrelevant". The term 'rape' therefore is used only with regard to children under 13; consensual sexual penetration of a child above 13 but under 16 is defined as 'Sexual activity with a child', and punished less severely (section 9, which requires the perpetrator to be 18 or over). A minor can also be guilty for sexual contact with another minor (section 13), but the Explanatory Notes state that decisions whether to prosecute in cases where both parties are minors are to be taken on a case by case basis.[36] The Crown Prosecution guidelines state "[I]t is not in the public interest to prosecute children who are of the same or similar age and understanding that engage in sexual activity, where the activity is truly consensual for both parties and there are no aggravating features, such as coercion or corruption."

I think if there was any judgement it would be on the parents of the children involved.
My bm was only 15 when she had me, my bd was 16, there was a lot of judgement on the woman but not the lad or the parents, who of course are mostly to blame.

I think some people should not judge the way they are. I had my DD at 15 I found out I was pregnant at 6 months so I had to deal with it! My parents were and always have been amazing parents to me. I'm now happily married to my DDs dad and have 2 other children. Maybe I am an exception but out of all of my friends at school I was the last person anyone expected to get pregnant and that age so saying can anyone be a good parent at that age yes they can!!!!

No. I have a relative who was first pregnant at 14. Loads of kids (and grandkids) later she is still with the dad, has a job and is a great mother and grandmother

Statutory rape, even if she consented. She's not legally able to give consent.

But mostly I'd just be thinking poor kid - mum and baby, both of them.

Oh, fair enough. I thought it was still statutory rape at 14, but apparently it's 13. Though could still be, depending when she got pregnant.

it's actually under 13, so I think 12, which is sick in and of itself.

Read it again Bridget, the cut off point is 13th birthday.

Do people judge boys who become fathers at 14?

yes, i judge the boys too. I think if the boy is 18+ and gets a minor pregnant he should be charged.

I'd assume they'd had a chaotic upbringing.

I have a vague memory of a very similar thread a while back. With the same spelling mistake. Apples, are you the young mother? Are you having difficulty making friends?

I'm getting really angry reading some of these posts

Yes, the boy is no different from the girl.

I know 2 students in my year at my school had children at 14. Their lives have worked out the polar opposite of each other.

They were both very silly and immature at 14 and spent half their time trying to date older boys and not bothering with lessons half the time. Unfortunately for them they didn't have particularly supportive families and the school felt they were a bad example to other students (early 1980's) so refused them back into school once they couldn't cover their bumps with the standard uniform.

1 girl came back to school after having her baby and sat her CSEs but failed most. She got the odd low skilled job and eventually gave up working and ended up living with several different partners over the years and I occasionally hear about her on facebook where she doesn't appear to have had much luck in life and lives hand to mouth and in receipt of benefits.

The other girl got really cross with the situation she got in to. She moved out of home because her parents were unsupportive and went to foster parents to support her and her baby. She did her CSEs and A Levels then went to University. Shes a senior nurse now married to a Doctor. She has a great life that she fought for. It took getting pregnant to show her what she really wanted in her life. She is happy to talk about how she turned her life around to try and help prevent others going through the same thing she did.

I have sympathy for girl 1, she really needed a lot of support that just wasn't given to her.

Girl 2 I'm really proud of what she has done with her life against all odds. She could easily have ended up just like girl 1.

When I first heard (aged 13/14) they were pregnant I was shocked and horrified. I was the same age as them and couldn't understand why on earth they would want to chase boys, have sex or get pregnant and keep it. I genuinely felt their lives had been totally ruined and that they must be stupid/insane to put themselves in that situation.

Its only years later I can look at their situation more objectively and see how many things in their lives lead them down that path.

I’d think this person was very unfortunate, maybe nieve. Or raped, god forbid. I would think they were very brave going through it at 14, don’t know if I could. But there are lots worse than a beautiful baby.

Absolutely, we don’t know the full story at all... I meant that if a 14 year old child is having sex, and unprotected sex at that, where are/where the parents? Were they supervising the child adequately? Did they make the child feel loved and valued alnd secure so he/she would not feel coerced into having sex? I would even wonder whether the child had been abused in the past as that may cause a child to act out sexually... of course it’s pure speculation and it could be none of the above, but my judgment would be aimed at the parents rather than the child... my heart goes out to any child in this situation

A friend of mine had a child very young and gave him up for adoption. 22 years on she has a good relationship with him (big sister rather than mum type relationship), and they are an absolute credit to each other. I respect everyone involved the more for their behaviour in difficult circumstances.

I would think it was sad that one occasion (possibly) of unprotected sex will have such an effect on her future. A lot of teenagers that age have sexual relationships, and of course they have all had the sex and relationships education, know about contraception but it can be one occasion of being drunk and not thinking about contraception, contraceptives failing, the naive and silly contraception method of fingers crossed, or worse, pressure when she should have said no. These things happen to many teenage girls, there will be one girls who falls pregnant.

And I don't think that just because she is under 16 she should have been pressured to have a termination either.

I was only 17 when I got pregnant with my DS. I'd think she had sex and got pregnant. Yeah, it's young to be having sex but who the hell am I to judge. Wish I was shocked by how judgemental people on here though.

I felt totally ashamed to be a young mum because I knew people judged me. They still do when I tell them despite me being nearly 40. I get a lot of 'I can't believe you're old enough to have a 22 year old son' and I can see them trying to calculate how old I would've been.