AIBU to think that I'll never feel at home here?

[Mornel]

I've been in UK for 7 years now. But I often think that I'm not welcomed here. Me and my DH both are working, my DD1 is in year 8 now and doing brilliantly. My DS2 goes to nursery and does great there as well. So our kids are fully integrated. But I don't have any English friends and that makes me feel on the side of local life. I can't make people like me, but they never expressed any interest in making some kind of friendship. I love this country, here's my home. Just sometimes I feel sad that I'm not the part of this country..

And also from what age parents will leave their kids on playdates alone? My D'S just turned 4 :)

Maybe 6/7?

BREXIT type place....

That'll be the whole of the UK then.

Or did you miss that bit on the NEWS?

OP I think you should give it a go but be prepared to keep at it. Please don't worry about doing the wrong thing, if someone responds like that then they're not the friend for you. I realise it's easy to say though and much harder to do.
I came home and cried when I found it hard to make friends at DD's school and even considered moving her to another school.
I really hope you get somewhere with it. I also think it's worth remembering that people who may seem stuck up or indifferent are often shy and/or nervous

MsHarry I said when we hit back from the US I was going to try and be smiley and friendly with people and fir the most part I am, but I have relapsed into grumpiness occasionally 😂

Don't give up OP, it only takes one!

I am from another nordic country and moved here when I was 25 which is now 20 years ago (ye gods). The difference is I loved it straight away and felt like I had arrived home. My original plan was to stay a year and then go back but I knew within few months that it's not gonna happen.

But, I did struggle making british friends. Men, yes easy but british women were a hard nut to crack. I mainly hung out with my fellow country men or other foreigners. I can't put my finger on it, it was just hard to maintain a natural conversation with english women even though I fully get british humour and generally got along well with all sorts of people.

When my DS1 was two we moved from London to a commuter belt new built village (horror to some) and most of my new neighbours, even though brits, were newcomers to the area and we all got along very well. Since then I've had a solid group of english friends and acquired more through my kids going to primary school. I've actively set up playdates, invited people for coffee and tried to be proactive. There's been some misunderstandings along the way but you can laugh at them now.

We all take a piss out of each other, I still have an accent but don't really think I'm a foreigner here anymore. This is my home [home]

I think that people are so busy and stressed that there isn't a lot of mental energy left over for going out of our way to make new friends. I barely have time to see the ones I already have! Especially when you consider that we are generally a reserved bunch.
I have lived in my home town for 10 years and still don't feel like a local - my accent is different and marks me out as 'not from around here'. It's just the way people are, it's not personal. I think it is hard if you a sociable person. The friendships I have made, I kind of fell into - it's not something you can force.

The easiest I found it to make friends is ehen I lived on a new build housing estate where everybody was from somewhere else. Not having our long standing networks close by made everyone more sociable.

And what time is wine o'clock? :) Can I have some already?

I'm just about to have my first glass. Cheers

Have you looked at mumsnet local, to see if there are any meet ups near you?

I've lived in other countries and know that it can be difficult to make friends with local people. I'm currently living away from my country and don't have friends, just acquaintances.

to be honest I felt like that at my children's school, and I am British but I wasn't from 'round here'.

I just kind of fell into a group of other outsiders.....a couple of Muslim mums, a Chinese mum, a rich working mum that the others hated....etc.

It can be done...

OP, it is tough, but don't lose hope. I suspect that the other parents will eventually warm up as time goes by. There is a level of reserve that takes a long time to move beyond, sometimes years and years. When I was at university, people on my course only started to get to know each other in the final year! And then we were all sad to have missed out on friendships that might have been.

If you stay here long enough you will catch the British reserve and forget what life is like in places where people are unencumbered by a crippling fear of social rejection. But seriously, just be friendly, don't worry about making mistakes, and keep trying.

I work FT (around a lot of SAHMs); I sound a teensy bit posh (as not local); I don't follow fashion; I don't like wine: There are lots of reasons to find fitting in hard!

I've moved to a northern village from, well, all over really but England. You have to be here for 40 years before you are accepted but i've bred with a local so that helps.

I'll check there, thank you Want2beme.

I just thought. May be other mums also think I'm not friendly.. I don't spend a lot of time dropping my DS at nursery. I just run in, drop him off and run to work :) so i dont really have time for some chat others. But I always smile and say Hello (even if I don't know who's parent it is )

earlyup you're so right. I didn't fit in because:

• I'm English AND from London (we're in London)
• I'm a bit older, I had DD at 43
• I'm fat
• I'm not glam or interested in fashion

But the friends I've made via DD's primary school (she's now 14) like culture, they're not snobs, they're fun, they're kind. Our weird group comprises: Russian married to Scandi French Italian married to English German married to American Scottish married to English English married to Italian English but not Londoner Me, English and Londoner

I do think Suffolk is incredibly insular and, hate to say it but some areas will be quite racist.

I really would try a Church, even if you can't get there every week - at the Church I belonged to (in Suffolk) we welcomed many people from different countries, some stayed for a long time, some moved on but hopefully they enjoyed the fellowship & friendships made. It has led to many lasting friendships even though I have since moved.

And what did you do in a church Ragwort? I can just pop in any?

Sounds, Davros, like you've met your people. I am an 'old' mum here; I would be a 'young' mum elsewhere.

I guess my point to Mornel was not to get hung up on being foreign as there are many other reasons to make making friends hard. And if you are near your northern border I'll meet for a coffee ;-)

OP I think focus on your career development and getting a job that builds in your skills in a more vibrant Enviroment . And keep and open mind and stay kind

It’s interesting you hear those comments / we don’t have that so much in London

Ah fuck it move to London ! We are vibrant and immigrant friendly here - and most large cities . We have a real mix at work and School and Everyone mucks along

Onwards and hope this thread has cheered you up a bit
Your English is excellent by the way

Granny that is why I will never ever leave London . People say why don’t I love to the place my partner is from ( beautiful place ) and I’m like fuck NO . I would be the foreigner with no mates . No way jose

Unfortunately I'm not Earlyup Are you from Suffolk as well? Or from Norfolk?

Thank you stopfuckingshoutingatme :)
I've been in London many times but.. It's not my place. I like to walk around, it's very beautiful place to visit, but I can't imagine myself living there.
And actually I don't think I am ready for another massive move at the moment. It's quite hard to change everything again and to start from the beginning. Not now :)