AIBU to think that I'll never feel at home here?

[Mornel]

I've been in UK for 7 years now. But I often think that I'm not welcomed here. Me and my DH both are working, my DD1 is in year 8 now and doing brilliantly. My DS2 goes to nursery and does great there as well. So our kids are fully integrated. But I don't have any English friends and that makes me feel on the side of local life. I can't make people like me, but they never expressed any interest in making some kind of friendship. I love this country, here's my home. Just sometimes I feel sad that I'm not the part of this country..

I think it's sad that my expat friends here in London have made little attempt to integrate and mostly stick with other expats. I made friends with a few because I homed in on the more open minded ones and basically wouldn't take no for an answer! I've had some terrible things said to me about England/London/the English/Londoners and at times it has upset me. But I try to get past it as I understand that it is tough to move to another country and navigate all the changes and differences. It's Whinging Pom syndrome. Over the years I've seen my friends get more comfortable and less "displaced".
Anyway, that's nothing to do with the OP, just some observations. OP, I really hope you make some friends and I think play dates are the way to go. Lots of luck

Good morning everyone! :) Sorry for not replying - it was very busy weekend :)
I'm glad I started this thread. It made me realise that there are a lot of really friendly and understanding people around me :)
All your comments made me feel more confident and welcomed for sure.

I will keep trying to find ways of socialising with other people and now I see that not all of them are thinking bad about me :)
I don't feel the need of having friends in general. I've got two best friends in the same town. I just would like to have a couple of local acquaintances. To have a chance to practice my English, to ask some questions about British life or just to have a little chat :)

windy I agree with that analysis.
It’s much much easier to get on with people who have travelled and ‘gone outside their town at least’ Then with the ‘somewheres’.

And yes you do find that in other countries but you also have to acknowledge that some countries are more open than others.

Mornel I know what you mean about not being friendly at 9am on a weekend, but before I started to do parkrun, I didn't even know that there was a 9am on Saturday! We had a volunteer that clearly didn't 'do' Saturday mornings to start with, but each week he got more and more cheerful. It's worth a try, even if you never go back after a few weeks. parkrun does tend to get you hooked though - I started up my own in my closest town, that's how hooked I got

I've lived here all my life always within a 40 mile radius of where I am now. I feel 'at home' but in my day to day life I have no friends other than family and a couple of neighbours whose little boy plays with my kids . I thought I'd meet some mum friends when my oldest daughter started school but being a shy person Ive barely spoken to any other parents in the 3 years she's been in school. All my friends from school have moved away and though I'm still in touch with a few of them we only meet up once or twice a year. Loneliness is a monster at times

KC225
Your experience is shocking! The parents not coming in and people not turning up, offers of volunteering rejected :( I assume your DH is not local either? Are you in a small place or a city? I couldn't live with what you are describing and would try to move...

Some countries are definitely more difficult to feel accepted in and make friends than others. I had a British friend who after living a year in Moscow said that he never missed England and had more friends within a year in Russia than in previous 25+ in England. And Russian friends who felt very welcomed in Greece after not being able to break out of expat community in London.

With UK - you see so many topics on Mumsnet about loneliness and so many natives say they have no friends AT ALL, or they had one and that one moved away, I think in many countries it's next to impossible to imagine that happening to anyone, due to closer family links and more Southern temperament and traditions.

But also it's this period in your life, friendships need time and emotional investment, and when you have young children and a job you barely have time to take a breath. So many people, especially if they moved away from the friends they made in more carefree times, find themselves in isolation and with no physical time and energy to do something about it. Especially if they are natural introverts.

If Sunday is the OP's only day off and then not every Sunday either, surely she'd want to spend it with her children and DH too?

Apart from the time, the other issue is definitely place and luck.
I think it helps that you like where you live, I used to live in places which I couldn't warm up to, and it made it very difficult to motivate myself to create opportunities to find friends, because I didn't want to stay in the area any longer if I could help it and didn't want to put down roots.

At the same time, had I met someone who I really clicked with, I would have gone out of my way to nurture a friendship, and it did happen a couple of times, with friends subsequently moving away. However even in general, local people were always friendly and pleasant, but also felt like not my people and very difficult to get to know past the superficial small talk. Very often I on the whole doubted they had anything but superficial to them to get to know!

Moved to a different area in England(a town in the rural area), and seriously it's like being in a different country. Neighbours all posted cards with their names and numbers, invited for Christmas drinks, invited to join a few groups and activities, people in general are really welcoming and actively trying to get you to integrate into the community. Born and bred locals are lovely, but also probably helps that at least 25-30% of the local population moved here from somewhere else.

However, in the new place, my DD's experience with Brownies, the one where she already knew some girls from her new school had no places, so we joined one further away, I thought it'd be good for her to widen her social circle and get to know more people.

She attended that unit for 3+ months, no one ever talked to her. She was utterly miserable and didn't want to go any more. Then a place in the nearest unit came up, she went first time recently, and I think managed to chat to every single girl there, they and the leader made her feel very welcome.

I feel the same and I was born here. Volunteering is an excellent idea. Google/Call your local volunteer centre for opportunities. Good luck!

I’m also from Latvia, hello :) In my experience manners are very important to English people, so is politness. There are a lot of small things that can be misinterpreted as rude. My husband is English and I constantly pick his brain about wording things right. Also, I wouldn’t put too much emphasis on being foreign, again, in my experience English people are very tolerant to different nationalities.