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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have separate finances...

533 replies

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 23/02/2018 13:50

Basically me and my DP have been together 14 years and have 2 DC
Since my DS was born I asked my DP that we keep our finances separate as I like to be independent. We pay for our own stuff and anything regarding kids we go half and half, same if we share something. He tries to pay for more but I won’t let him. He works a lot so subsequently earns a huge bit more than me, as I only work 20/25 hours per week. It just means for my birthday and Christmas he spends like 3 times on me what I spend on him which makes me feel bad as I can’t afford as much.
One of the guys I work with who’s been with his DP for roughly same amount of time and also has 2 dc thinks this is strange. Him and his mrs share all thier money.
I can’t be the only one to do this right?

OP posts:
LoveInTokyo · 25/02/2018 19:59

Well I doubt she will come back now. I wouldn’t.

pallisers · 25/02/2018 20:02

And you then moved on to proclaim that splitting the bill equally by the number of persons eating rather than by the number of couples was so outlandish and beyond your ken that it could only mean separation or financial difficulties.

No I fucking didn't. Read the thread before you take aim.

I asked a number of polite questions of lipstick because I was interested and she answered some of them.

pallisers · 25/02/2018 20:04

You do know that some couples have different surnames,woman retains her surname and they don’t share finances

Or woman retains her surname and they do share finances. People have all sorts of different arrangements.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/02/2018 20:06

Correct,and I know many folk with lots of different financial permutations

LassWiADelicateAir · 25/02/2018 20:06

And you then moved on to proclaim that splitting the bill equally by the number of persons eating rather than by the number of couples was so outlandish and beyond your ken that it could only mean separation or financial difficulties

I was not addressing you Pallisers. The poster in the conversation was 1ndig0 who expressed astonishment that one would split a bill by anything other than the number of couples. You might follow your own advice.

Bluelady · 25/02/2018 20:10

Has Indig0 passed the baton onto the night shift now?

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/02/2018 20:11

She’s away to ask her husband he’ll be along shortly to put us right

pallisers · 25/02/2018 20:12

Well if you were not addressing me, why did you quote me??

From your post:

I wondered if she also did it when out with her husband and another couple

That is from my post.

pallisers · 25/02/2018 20:15

She’s away to ask her husband he’ll be along shortly to put us right

really? I thought your arguments so far were better than that Lipstick.

Bluelady · 25/02/2018 20:15

All this interest in the minutiae of how other people handle their money utterly mystifies me.

MunchkinJess · 25/02/2018 20:18

@Sophisticatedsarcasm

I have been with my husband 7 years married 3 and we have 2 kids.

We have always had separate finances from day one . We have a joint account for all joint expenses of the house and kids but our salaries are separate .

I am fiercely independent and we have never once argued about money . If one of us is short for whatever reason we help each other out .

It works for us and we are happy with it x

1ndig0 · 25/02/2018 20:19

Yes was discussing this with DH over dinner and he did actually express a thought on the subject - that sharing your worldly goods is part of the wedding vows anyway. Unless you write your own?

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/02/2018 20:21

Get the big man on,pass the iPad over

Bluelady · 25/02/2018 20:21

Yes, so is obeying - are you sticking with that one? Half the posters here haven't made marriage vows in any case.

1ndig0 · 25/02/2018 20:23

No Im not giving him this.

He also said "there's allsorts on the internet." Grin

1ndig0 · 25/02/2018 20:24

Obeying has not in the vows for decades has it?

Bluelady · 25/02/2018 20:25

It was when I was married in 2000. We asked for it to be removed.

Nicknacky · 25/02/2018 20:25

I don't remember agreeing to a joint bank account when I said my vows?

And your h's opinion doesn't carry much weight here. My h would agree with me so we would be no further forward.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/02/2018 20:27

A great comedy vehicle.the unseen spouse.
scrubs
Will & Grace
chewin the fat
Frasier

1ndig0 · 25/02/2018 20:45

Surely your worldly goods includes your money?

In many cultures, it's a stigma for a man to have a family he can't financially support. So if you won't accept your husband's money, you are rejecting him, if that makes sense?

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/02/2018 20:46

In my culture,the man would do a happy dance if he thought he’d no be spending owt

Nicknacky · 25/02/2018 20:47

Fucking hell, after 20 pages haven't you got it yet that most of us do share money? We just have seperate accounts and pay different things.

It's only the op that has said she felt awkward about taking his money and now she has relented that she was being daft.

Bluelady · 25/02/2018 20:48

Not in this culture. You're really clutching at straws, aren't you?

1ndig0 · 25/02/2018 21:03

No I'm talking about a different cultural perspective that affects my DH and billions of people in some shape or form. I'm all for the MN culture. I love this country and I call myself British because my children were born here, but so also know the MN perspective does not represent all British people or the world in general.

Bluelady · 25/02/2018 21:06

Because we're all different and we do what suits us best. How bloody hard can it be to understand that?