Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have separate finances...

533 replies

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 23/02/2018 13:50

Basically me and my DP have been together 14 years and have 2 DC
Since my DS was born I asked my DP that we keep our finances separate as I like to be independent. We pay for our own stuff and anything regarding kids we go half and half, same if we share something. He tries to pay for more but I won’t let him. He works a lot so subsequently earns a huge bit more than me, as I only work 20/25 hours per week. It just means for my birthday and Christmas he spends like 3 times on me what I spend on him which makes me feel bad as I can’t afford as much.
One of the guys I work with who’s been with his DP for roughly same amount of time and also has 2 dc thinks this is strange. Him and his mrs share all thier money.
I can’t be the only one to do this right?

OP posts:
LassWiADelicateAir · 25/02/2018 16:25

I've never jumped to any conclusions or considered anyone's financial set up in my life - until this MN thread

Well you flatly contradict that by the bizarre assumption that persons in a couple haing their own bank account is a sign they are splitting up or in financial difficulties.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/02/2018 16:50

You have made some wildly comedic assertions on this thread indigo
Asking for elaboration on convoluted scaenarios you've devised,then gettin aerated at the response
Can’t tell if you're yanking the chain or genuinely serious in your astonishment

1ndig0 · 25/02/2018 16:55

Would you say you are the epitome of open-mindedness though Lass - SAHMs as "leeches" etc? It's ok though, to have a perspective.

LassWiADelicateAir · 25/02/2018 16:59

SAHMs as "leeches" etc? It's ok though, to have a perspective

Not what I said. I personally would feel that way I were relying on a man's income. I would hate not being financially independent.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/02/2018 17:02

1ndig0 Your best shout out was
A couple out with their dc paying individually,you’d deduce must be a couple of single parents on a date
I quite like the thought that our local restaurant might reckon I’m out with my fancy piece

1ndig0 · 25/02/2018 17:09

Each to their own and people are happy who cares. It is unusual though - you must be aware of that? Do your friends do this at all?

pallisers · 25/02/2018 17:50

So do you do this if you go out with other couples or groups of people? Like if you are out with a couple where the other couple plop down one credit card or calculate half the bill and give that amount of cash from one of them, do you ever find them looking at you open-mouthed, while you figure out who had the soft-shell crab and who had the asparagus?

Did anyone say they did this?

Lipstick says she does it when out with her husband and children. I wondered if she also did it when out with her husband and another couple.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/02/2018 17:50

Only unusual in your social milieu. Not unusual in my social circle
But I live in a large city and have a wide range of friends and colleagues

1ndig0 · 25/02/2018 18:08

"You have made some wildly comedic assertions on this thread 1ndig0"

So counting up all the green plates in YoSushi to endure you don't, heaven forbid, pay for your DP and then calculating half the children's bill and half the tip doesn't strike you as comedic - in any way? Even though a pp described this scene as you relate it as having all the hallmarks of a bad sitcom?

Nicknacky · 25/02/2018 18:10

Who has said they have done that? And even if they did, what does it matter???!!!

You aren't going tot let this go unless all of us seperate bank accounters (I know that's probably not a word) see the error of our ways!

1ndig0 · 25/02/2018 18:16

Lipstick said she does exactly this Nick.

LassWiADelicateAir · 25/02/2018 18:20

Who has said they have done that? And even if they did, what does it matter???!!!

I don't think any one said that beyond 1ndig0 met someone once 20 years ago who did. Apparently if a group of diners consists of couples it is beyond comprehension to divide the bill by the number of diners rather than the number of couples.

In 1ndig0's world it would seem couples only go out with other couples or together. I have lunch once a week with someone else's husband and we split the bill. This will cause consternation to the waiters.

Nicknacky · 25/02/2018 18:21

Lipstick said she has split bills. She hasn't said that she has counted sushi.

Bluelady · 25/02/2018 18:29

Christ, is Indig0 still banging on about other people's finances? And has nobody yet told her to mind her own bloody business? You're an incredibly patient and tolerant bunch of women.

1ndig0 · 25/02/2018 18:32

Sorry I can't copy/ paste on this phone. It was at 13.26 yesterday - the green plates in YoSushi are helpful to split the bill. Then later, she describes how the kids section of the bill is divided and added on.

1ndig0 · 25/02/2018 18:33

It kind of moved in from finances to bill splitting in restaurants tbh.

Nicknacky · 25/02/2018 18:34

My apologies if I couldn't remember her post at precisely 13.26 yesterday. Even if she does. It's her business. She isn't wrong in doing that.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/02/2018 18:38

indigo, I love your tangential posts.theyre top notch
Keep it up

LassWiADelicateAir · 25/02/2018 18:38

I wondered if she also did it when out with her husband and another couple

And you then moved on to proclaim that splitting the bill equally by the number of persons eating rather than by the number of couples was so outlandish and beyond your ken that it could only mean separation or financial difficulties.

1ndig0 · 25/02/2018 18:45

That question was from pallisers Lass.

Seriously, I apologise if people are in any way offended on here. I acknowledged I'm obviously of an opposing mentality with Lipstick yesterday and she obviously agreed. I am quite astonished by some of the things in here, that is genuine, but I'm certain that there are things in my life that many people would find equally astonishing, so there it is.

Nicknacky · 25/02/2018 18:48

The only thing that astonishes me is that you are astonished. Particularly your comment you made that you didn't know "people loved like that".

Nicknacky · 25/02/2018 18:49

Lived, not loved!

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/02/2018 18:50

I think you’ve been purposefully provocative to get a reaction 1ndig0

But you’ve been unintentionally comedic,can’t take you seriously tbh

1ndig0 · 25/02/2018 18:57

I genuinely 100% do not know any married or cohabiting couples who split the bill in restaurants. That is absolutely not a wind-up. I am 40 years old. I have never seen this happen ever - in London or anywhere in the world.

As far as I'm aware, I don't know any married couples who have separate finances either, though I admit its not something I would think to ask.

Nicknacky · 25/02/2018 19:04

For all you know they square each other up after the meal so they don't face potential judgment in front of the waiting staff or their friends.

I find it impossible to believe not one married couple that you know have seperate finances. You just won't know. I have no idea what my friends do as its none of my business and I frankly don't care.