To have separate finances...

[Sophisticatedsarcasm]

Basically me and my DP have been together 14 years and have 2 DC
Since my DS was born I asked my DP that we keep our finances separate as I like to be independent. We pay for our own stuff and anything regarding kids we go half and half, same if we share something. He tries to pay for more but I won’t let him. He works a lot so subsequently earns a huge bit more than me, as I only work 20/25 hours per week. It just means for my birthday and Christmas he spends like 3 times on me what I spend on him which makes me feel bad as I can’t afford as much.
One of the guys I work with who’s been with his DP for roughly same amount of time and also has 2 dc thinks this is strange. Him and his mrs share all thier money.
I can’t be the only one to do this right?

We pay separately when we go out,divvy up who owes what and pay separately

Everybody has a shared bank card though. When the bill comes they just throw one card down per couple and that's it.

How do you even know it is shared? You have no idea what goes on behind financial closed doors.

And you have experience of every single couple in the world, Indig0. Well we've broadened your horizons for you, then. Because plenty of us have separate finances, separate bank accounts and some of us even have our own credit cards that we use to pay for our own stuff that our partners never see the statements for.

Who knows, some of us might even have money stashed away that our partners don't know about. This is by no means a new state of affairs incidentally - my mother had her own bank and savings accounts and her very own money. She was born 100 years ago this coming June.

Everyone doesn't have a shared bank card. We don't, never have, never will.

There you go again,deliberately provocative for a reaction 1ndig0
You know reading this thread that everyone doesn’t have a shared bank card
We don’t

You are about four people on MN though.

I've just asked DH if he knows of any of his friends who don't share finances with their wives and he looked at me as if I was mad.

So it must be true

What about my born during WW1 parents then? You're just being a complete idiot.

Have you actually read the thread?! There is far far more than four of us that have seperate finances. And my h wouldn't have a clue about his pals. But it makes sense for you to have a joint account as you don't have your own income. Surely you can see that?

And it drives me up the wall when posters think that if their H agrees then they must be right as if he is the oracle of all knowledge!

What about your born during WW1 parents?

Nick - you know the comment about DH was in jest. Relax.

How is saying that I don't know anyone who doesn't have a joint bank card provocative? I really don't.

What the hell difference does it make what he says.hes not the mediator or oracle
Oh hold on there,woah. if your husband says so,then we’re all put in our place
And tbh you could just,like,make stuff up to try prove your point

You're not even reading our posts, are you? I told you about my mum not ten minutes ago. Ffs.

Everybody has a shared bank card though. When the bill comes they just throw one card down per couple and that's it

We don't. We don't even have accounts at the same bank let alone share an account.

Thinking about it actually, I do make an income because I renovate and sell on properties, as well as rent some out. But I just think of that as family money.

You do know that some couples have different surnames,woman retains her surname and they don’t share finances

and some of us even have our own credit cards that we use to pay for our own stuff that our partners never see the statements for

Yup. I have never seen husband's credit card statement nor he mine.

Same here

It possible to have joint accounts but only one person uses them. This is what DH and I do joint current account is mine and a joint saving is run by him. We do have sole accounts as well. If one party dies then they usually revert to the the sole name of the other party which makes things easier. When someone dies a sole account is blocked immediately upon notification to bank and all direct debits etc cancelled. Also if not married next of kin will legally be the children and you will have to apply to the court to administer the estate if no will in place.

I don’t think it’s very helpful for everyone to have a slanging arch about splitting bills in restaurants.

It’s kind of clouding the real issue, which is that the OP appears to be in a very financially vulnerable position.

Lipstick - yes of course. Where I was born you don't necessarily change your name on marriage, but I do have DH's name because why not? I can't get worked up over that. All 4 DC have a name that suits both our cultures and the British one.

I find the slanging arch quite funny,it just keeps giving

The slanging match (sorry, typo) is amusing and bemusing in equal measure, but the OP’s situation isn’t really very funny at all.

The real issue appears to have got lost some time ago.

If,when the op comes back we can all park the slanging arch.but til then...