Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think this is unnecessarily bitchy?

521 replies

BearsandHearts · 22/02/2018 17:56

Will try to keep brief!
Last Friday I went out with some work colleagues for drinks. Whilst out my colleague/friend bumped into her husband who was with his friends. I hit it off with one of the men he was with and we've been texting with an aim to meet up soon.
My colleague knew this and seemed very keen for us to meet. However yesterday colleague told me she'd seen this man I'm due to go out with as he's a mutual friend. She said quite casually ' I told mutual friend you've got 3 kids by 3 dad's and you've had a boob job'. I told her she's being bitchy and not to put ideas in this man's head. Why would you tell someone that?

OP posts:
Adviceplease360 · 22/02/2018 19:03

Are you embarrassed?

Commuterface · 22/02/2018 19:03

By your own admission the way she told you what she said was in a casual way and it’s all true, so why would you think she is being deliberately bitchy? Unless you feel it’s something to be ashamed of? Like a PP said just own it.

Original poster
BearsandHearts · 22/02/2018 19:03

No I'm not embarrassed at all but I share my private business with who and when I see fit.

OP posts:
silkpyjamasallday · 22/02/2018 19:04

It is a bit unkind of your colleague and you can safely assume she is not your friend, but I would want to know if someone I was interested in had children with multiple partners because I wouldn't want the headache and wouldn't bother to pursue the relationship. If you've been texting the guy and he doesn't know you have three children that's a bit shady of you and if she knows you haven't told him yet then I can 100% understand why she told him, dating someone with children is totally different to dating someone childless. She didn't need to mention the multiple fathers though, and the boob job comment was unnecessary. It hasn't put him off so you can forget about it, just cool your relationship with the colleague.

Original poster
BearsandHearts · 22/02/2018 19:04

My children or what I chose to do with my body isn't this man's business he's a stranger

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 22/02/2018 19:05

He will probably think you are a goer
Sorry 😐! But yeah she is a bitch

Adviceplease360 · 22/02/2018 19:07

She's his friend and your colleague, she's looking out for him in the same way a woman would be warned if a man had three kids with three women.
Hypocritical of mumsnet to be outraged that people will judge a woman, when a man would also be judged.

Thisimmortalcurl · 22/02/2018 19:08

Hope it goes well. It obviously didn’t bother him.
No excuses for her though. No way was she saying it in any positive or helpful way.

TidyLike · 22/02/2018 19:09

I haven't RTFT but is there a chance that this woman's comment was a poorly judged joke? It really does seem a bizarre (and nasty) thing to say. I hope things work out with this man, if you like him.

Slartybartfast · 22/02/2018 19:09

At least it is all out in the open, if it's true that she said that and she isnt winding you up?
At least you dont have to skirt around the issue.
did he know you had children?

jkl0311 · 22/02/2018 19:09

I wouldn't worry at that age he's probably not interested in increasing your family. Chat to him if he's sensible he will take it with a pinch of salt. In today's society people are more open minded Smile go get him

RoyalBelum · 22/02/2018 19:09

to be fair, most people seem to have a difficult relationship with 1 ex of their current partner and 1 step-child, so 3....

silkpyjamasallday · 22/02/2018 19:10

Of course you don't have to discuss your body or plastic surgery with someone but I don't think you can date someone and not tell them you have children though, that isn't fair. For some people dating someone who has children would be no big deal but for others it would be a deal breaker, and it wouldn't be nice for them to invest emotionally in someone who comes as a package with children if the relationship were to progress/become serious if that isn't what they want. When do you tell them that you have children? First date? After a few dates? A few months? Not fair to waste someone's time if you aren't what they are looking for.

PiffIeandWiffle · 22/02/2018 19:11

Yes it is true. However I don't see why it's her place to tell him anything about me.

Because maybe it'll bounce back to her husband if it all goes wrong & he'd lose his friend?

At least he'll know he's in with a chance though (and will definitely wear a condom!!) Wink

greendale17 · 22/02/2018 19:12

Sorry but if this was reserved people would
judging just as much.

Would you tell a female friend if the guy she was seeing had 3 kids by 3 different woman?

greendale17 · 22/02/2018 19:13

She's his friend and your colleague, she's looking out for him in the same way a woman would be warned if a man had three kids with three women.
Hypocritical of mumsnet to be outraged that people will judge a woman, when a man would also be judged.

^This

BrieAndChilli · 22/02/2018 19:14

But it is his business if he is going to pursue a romantic relationship with you!!
If a man said he wasn’t going to tell a potential partner because it was her business he had multiple children with various women he would get slated to fuck on here.
I would not want to get involved with someone that had kids with someone else let alone 3 someone else’s as I would not want the complications of that. My sister has 2 kids with different fathers and I know from her that it is a constant drama/stress/worry.

This man may want children and so may want to go through that with someone who is also doing it for the first time, or may want his children to all have the same parents or may not want children at all even stepkids etc.

Bluedoglead · 22/02/2018 19:16

I don’t think she should have said about the boob job, but it’s obviouslt not something you’ve kept private or she wouldn’t know.

The three kids by three men - surely that’s just a fact? I’m a 4 x 2 myself and it is what it is. That would surely come up in convo early on would it not?

blackberryfairy · 22/02/2018 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluedoglead · 22/02/2018 19:18

You need to mention your kids. That’s kind of material information.

I don’t date men who have kids younger than mine because I don’t want to do baby stage again. If I found out a bloke had lied by omission I’d be raging and he would be dumped.

mrsBeverleyGoldberg · 22/02/2018 19:20

He will probably think you are a goer

Really? It's 2018 not 1960! Also birth control means it's difficult to tell how many partners someone has had.

DeathStare · 22/02/2018 19:20

If it is all true what is the problem?

It may be true that she has a mole on her bum, or that she doesn't get on with her mother. It doesn't mean that she wants people she barely knows to be told these things.

Nitrobetty1 · 22/02/2018 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NataliaOsipova · 22/02/2018 19:22

If a man said he wasn’t going to tell a potential partner because it was her business he had multiple children with various women he would get slated to fuck on here.

She didn't say she wasn't going to tell him. She's just objecting to her friend telling him - upfront and in a bitchy fashion.

Original poster
BearsandHearts · 22/02/2018 19:22

Piffle that comment 're sex was disgusting and uncalled for. He is aware I have children but i didn't see it fit to discuss their fathers upon first meeting. My friend knows because I've known her a long time and during my last pregnancy

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread